Ah, love. It can make an ass out of even the coolest hipster in the world. Seriously, is there anything cheesier than love itself? Think about it. Rather than being cool and independent and all untouched, love makes us want to wrap ourselves in someone else's arms, listen to Air Supply, and hop on a tandem bike to Dorkville.
The fact is, part of what is most joyful about love is cheesy. Songs change, you want to be nicer, suddenly you find yourself doodling "I Heart Rob" in an unironic way. It's beautiful, fun, and oh so very cheese-tastic.
We can't all be badasses in love and wear vials of each other's blood after all. So I asked around and compiled a list of some of the most cringe-worthy, cheesy things we have done for love. Warning: They may make your teeth hurt or cause you to vomit uncontrollably. Here they are:
- The mix tape: If, unlike me, your taste in love songs transcends Peter Cetera, then maybe (maybe) you made a cool mix tape back in the day. But I doubt it. There is almost nothing cheesier (or more retro) than an old cassette tape with handwritten notes all made for one purpose: Love. Bonus points if you drew hearts on the little stickers on the actual cassette.
- Matching sweaters: Oh yes, my husband and I have done it and will do it again. Look for us at an ugly sweater party near you.
- Christmas cards with just the couple: It's one thing with the kids, but the couple in cheesy poses just takes it way too far past cool. Bonus points if it also features an animal/pet of some kind.
- Valentine's Day: Face it, almost anything you do on this holiday is cheese-tastic. Hearts, balloons, candies, and cards will make any man look like Ryan Seacrest giving the thumbs-up sign.
- Heart-shaped food: One friend's husband made a heart-shaped pizza for her, replete with heart-shaped pepperoni. Can we get a collective, aawwwww. I only wonder how many varieties of cheese were melted on top.
- Love email names: Ricksgirl@gmail.com better be 16 or she has no excuse for that horrible screen name/email account.
- Horrible pet names: I like to think my pet name for my husband is cool (Robert P -- don't ask me why, it makes no sense), but others range from bad to almost unbearably saccharine: "Sugar pie"; "Sweetness"; "Love Muffin"; "Love"; "Angel bear." And those are just from my friends. I, apparently, hang out with weird game show hosts.
- Heart doodles: Oh yes, I still do this. After all, my husband's name (Rob) is ripe for being spelled with a heart. Just sayin'.
- Love songs: When you are driving along, listening to light-100 radio and getting chills to "The Power of Love" by Celine Dion, you are too far gone to be helped.
- Lunch-box notes: If they are written in lipstick, you have just broken the cheese-o-meter, my friends. Quick! Go have some raunchy, dirty sex and cancel it out!
What are the cheesiest things you have done for love?
Image via owenwbrown/Flickr