6 Signs You're Destined for Marital Bliss With Your Man

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bride and groomWith the divorce rate being what it is these days, marriage definitely isn't something to take lightly. After all, most of us aren't anything like a certain reality star whose reputation is currently at major risk for her speedy marital shenanigans. Most of us want to be completely sure we're compatible with our potential life partner before zipping down the aisle.

I'll never forget my mom telling me what the rabbi who married my parents said to them before they took their vows over 35 years ago. He told them that there are three things you must be in sync with in order to keep your marriage afloat: Money, family, and sex. Sounds simple enough, but one or all of those things can get hairy at some point for any couple! So, while I think that's a terrific general guideline, there are definitely more nuanced ways to tell if you're a match made in monogamous heaven. Jacqueline Del Rosario, "America's Marriage Doctor," offered her take on some of those ways.

  1. You are like-minded. Del Rosario explains, "While you don't have to be exactly the same (let's face it, that would be boring), you do need to have congruent core morals and values." This is something I learned again and again when I was out there in the minefield known as the dating scene. There were guys who I realized right off the bat had completely polar opposite values (often they were super-materialistic, posing as "ambitious"). Not gonna work!
  2. Your temperament balances one another. In other words, even if you're total opposites -- and you can be "the Yin to your mate's Yang," says Del Rosario -- those differences have to create harmony in some way, shape, or form. You're headed for a roller coaster of disaster if your tendencies are just too different. I can definitely relate ... the boyfriend and I can be on two ends of the spectrum (passive vs. outgoing, chill vs. go-go-go) from time to time, but our energies seem to balance out. We learn from one another and make each other stronger in spite of our differences.
  3. You're both willing to do the work. This is obviously super-important for any marriage. Can't head into lifelong commitment territory without being on the same page about how much effort it's going to take to keep your marriage healthy and happy. Similarly, you should know whether or not you're able to resolve problems and work through conflict as a team, explains Del Rosario. That's what partnership is about after all, right?
  4. You speak the same "love" language. It may sound a bit cheesy, but basically this just means that you're able to understand/respect/learn/appreciate one another's romantic, sexual, and emotional needs. Seems to reflect what my parents' rabbi had to say to them about sexual compatibility. And that's not to say it's always going to be easy, but you have to both be willing to put in the effort to satisfy one another. (See #3.)
  5. You're attracted to one another. Sure, looks fade, but "fundamental human attraction can keep the fires burning between the two of you -- physically and emotionally," says Del Rosario. It seems to me the happiest couples who have been together the longest amount of time seem to have been perpetually drawn to one another. Each believes the other is majorly HOT!
  6. You genuinely like who they are as a person. To me, this one is HUGE! So often, we fall for that guy we're attracted to, but who we could never be friends with ... because he's a jerk or it's more about sex than a mental connection. Del Rosario argues that "a relationship must be based upon a solid friendship that can stand the test of time." You should really truly be able to say your partner is your best friend. I never knew you could have those two things rolled into one person ... that is, until I met my boyfriend. Once you find that, I think it's safe to say you've hit the hubby jackpot.

Do you agree with this checklist? What other relationship traits do you think need to exist in order to have a great marriage? 

 

Image via PeterJBellis/Flickr

marriage, love

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Susie19 Susie19

I agree for the most part, but I think there should be a category for speaking the same "money" language.  I've known quite a few couples who seem to have many of these traits, but money was always an issue from one or both of them.  I would want to know how we will be providing for our selves and our family and make sure we both know how finances will be handled and spent. 

butte... butterflymkm

I think the simplest way to put it is to marry your best friend. I agree with the personality thing though-I am a high strong person by nature whereas my hubby is very laid back. We keep each oter balanced well.

Zacks... Zacksmama82411

i agree with butterflymkm, ive beenbest friends with my husband for 8 years, dating for 3, married for 6 months on the 28th, we have a 3 month old and a 10 year old dogter. you have to have communication or else your going nowhere, which is easy for us because i shut the cable off in april (seriously, why pay more for cable than my carloan?!) so all we ever do is talk and i wouldnt change it for the world..... wait thats not all ;) we ever do lol but you definitely need to marry your best friend!!

Badge83 Badge83

^^ I agree. My husband and I have been close friends since we first met at age 11. He sat behind me in math class and kicked my chair until he got my attention, lol. Its so important to "like" someone before you can "love" them--otherwise, what are you really attracted to?! I'm so lucky to say that we truly know each other and are very much in tune...guess that's what 17 years of nurturing a relationship will do. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Ceunei Ceunei

I can guarantee there are no societal rewards from getting married. In fact, getting married, buying a house and having a child AND daring to afford to keep a Stay at Home Parent is one of the worst things you can do to your financial stability if in the labor/blue collar class, so, I don't recommend getting married until one is older and actually lived and spent all those wild oats. Because, once married and in a family way, the stress only gets much worse...and...there is no more societal support for being married than there is for being single.

PonyC... PonyChaser

It's not a "trait", but it's a wise idea to make sure you are on the same page with "the bad stuff". Because, let's face it, it's easy enough for us to look through this list with rosey glassees, even with our partner, and say, "Oh, yeah, we can do that! We spend differently, but we agree that we need to save too!"


Sit and actually talk about the "nasty side of life" things like... what do I consider "cheating"? what would we do if one of us became disabled/seriously ill? How would we handle one of us losing a job, and being unable to find a replacement? Are we *really* willing to sit down with a counselor if we have problems (because many spouses say they are willing, but when the time actually comes, they refuse)?


Put some worst-case scenarios out there and discuss how you would handle those situations. Because life can throw some pretty nasty curveballs at you, and you have to have a plan. Even if it's a plan that you outlined fifteen years ago and have nearly forgotten.

Caroline Coghill-Howington

I completey agree with the OP but also with some of the PP when it comes to "money." My husband and I have that same issue. We are constantly butting heads over this and sometimes it's gotten the best of us. We aren't so much different when it comes to what we want, but we are when it comes to when we can get it.  He tends to be more impuslive about purchaces and while I am too, I am less lkely to spend it on myself whereas he likes the little luxuries, and I want to spend it on our DS.

Pamala Vela

The money issue is huge - you should have the same goals and saving habits. My ex would quickly spend every dime we both made, and then ask relatives for emergency money.  We fought and fought and fought.  He was a very selfish person who wanted what he wanted when, and to heck with what the family needed. He did not believe in a budget.  The man I am now married to is on the same page as me: keep expenses low, live on a budget, and save for things you want, don't put it on a credit card and make payments, save for the future. There is so much more peace in our relationship than I had with the ex.

Sandi Kirkendall

I agree mostly, you need to include agreeing on discipline for children and great sex life that just keeps getting better as the years go by.Lastly your spouse should be your best friend, if not you are destined for failure.

WowIl... WowIllbeamom11

When i met my husband I thought he was always going to be "just a friend" because he didn't seem like my "type"but then something happened, can't explain it, but I found myself becoming very VERY attracted to him. Now, he is my best friend and so much more. I agree with this list. 

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