5 Ways to a More Satisfying Orgasm

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There's nothing better (okay, maybe ice cream. MAYBE) than a toe-clenching body-rocking orgasm. But sometimes, it's kinda hard to, well, get there. I get it -- stress, distraction, new lovers -- well, there's any number of reasons why it's hard to get from here to there. Luckily, I know a little bit about orgasms. Specifically, how to have better ones.

Here are some of my secrets to a better orgasm.

1. Relax. Our days are long, stressful and filled with constant demands, which means that sometimes, when it's time to get down and dirty, we can't turn off our minds. Before getting naked, try taking five minutes, doing some deep breathing and relaxing by yourself.

2. Love thyself. It's hard to know exactly what turns you on if you don't well, practice on your own. So masturbate! Get yourself a nice inexpensive vibrator (there are many discreet places to buy them online) and go to town.

3. Speak up. Once you know what will really get your blood pumping, tell your partner. It may feel a bit squicky at first (it's weird, I know from experience), but most partners will be happy for the lesson. So get over your embarrassment and tell your partner what gets you to O Mountain.

4. Do your Kegels. Most women, especially those who've had kids, have been told time and time again to "practice their kegels." But what IS a kegel (besides the difference between a mediocre and amazing orgasm?)? They're your pelvic floor muscles. Still confused? Try stopping your urine midstream. THOSE are the muscles you're exercising. Clench and hold those muscles a couple times a day (generally OUTSIDE the bathroom). I like to do mine whenever I'm at a stop sign.

5. Stimulate your spots. Is it your clitoris that needs the friction to reach orgasm? Your G-spot? Since I'm assuming you've learned this through your "homework" of masturbation, make sure that your sex positions stimulate those spots. If your normal position doesn't do the trick, take a risk and try something new!

sex, sex drive, sex ed, sex secret

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nonmember avatar Kae

NEVER will I masterbate. Sex isn't hard to figure out ... and if you need to do yourself, I'd say you're sad and lonely person. Stop settling for a man who doesn't make you happy ... never had an issue with a guy fulfilling me, we learned together and it drew us closer.

nonmember avatar Carolyn

Kae, there's no real shame in masturbation, contrary to what you're trying to tell people. If a woman wants to masturbate, regardless of the state of her relationship, that's her prerogative. It can be a highly enjoyable experience and a great way to de-stress. And is an option that's a hell of a lot better than either being completely celibate because you're single or hooking up indiscriminately. Yes, ideally we would all find ourselves the perfect partner that is available and able to make us orgasm whenever we desire, but in the real world alternatives are necessary.

nonmember avatar Mike M

I want to add that the more spiritually aware one becomes the better one's orgasms (and likely also their partner's orgasms) are likely to be (in terms of quality and/or quantity). One example where this can often be seen is in the relationship(s) that our soul has chosen to selflessly experience with another.

And Kae, I'd like to encourage you to understand that your morals do not apply to everyone in the world. As such it would be wise to be non-judgmental and express your opinions without the use of broad insults.

nonmember avatar Angela

Anyone who says they will NEVER masturbate are either a huge prude or they're lying.

Amanda Ricketts

I second Angela.


There is no shame in exploring and understanding your own body; masturbation is wonderful and I would say necessary for a well-rounded fulfilling sex life.

Amanda Ricketts

On second thought,  I have to wonder if Kae has ever had an orgasm. . .  perhaps Santa should bring her some toys for Christmas joys.


How do you have sex that is just sex, without touching yourself or each other, mutual masturbation, etc... That is perplexing to me.

Lisa Ladonski

There are some women who can't orgasm from sex alone and have inattentive and selfish partners so their only choice is masturbation. I can't understand why you wouldn't do it! It's fun. :)

Bibiana Garcel

Something that I would like to add to that list is to make it spontaneous or actively plan it.
Spontaneity adds an extra thrill to make the entire experience enjoyable. The trick is identifying the spontaneous moment.
Planning the masturbation session adds sexual tension that wants to get fulfilled. You'll be counting down the days or hours, planning where and how you'll get yourself off. Will it be in the tub or in bed? In the morning or night? Planning it gives you something to look forward to.

nonmember avatar breakmom

im happily married and have a great sex life with my husband... but he's not always avaliable when i need him

nonmember avatar sophie

how do you get off in between relashionships? what if your partners away? men actually find it super arousing to watch us do it... and if hes not there why not masturbate and tell him all about it? hell find it super sexy, and youll feel much better too!

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