There's nothing better (okay, maybe ice cream. MAYBE) than a toe-clenching body-rocking orgasm. But sometimes, it's kinda hard to, well, get there. I get it -- stress, distraction, new lovers -- well, there's any number of reasons why it's hard to get from here to there. Luckily, I know a little bit about orgasms. Specifically, how to have better ones.
Here are some of my secrets to a better orgasm.
1. Relax. Our days are long, stressful and filled with constant demands, which means that sometimes, when it's time to get down and dirty, we can't turn off our minds. Before getting naked, try taking five minutes, doing some deep breathing and relaxing by yourself.
2. Love thyself. It's hard to know exactly what turns you on if you don't well, practice on your own. So masturbate! Get yourself a nice inexpensive vibrator (there are many discreet places to buy them online) and go to town.
3. Speak up. Once you know what will really get your blood pumping, tell your partner. It may feel a bit squicky at first (it's weird, I know from experience), but most partners will be happy for the lesson. So get over your embarrassment and tell your partner what gets you to O Mountain.
4. Do your Kegels. Most women, especially those who've had kids, have been told time and time again to "practice their kegels." But what IS a kegel (besides the difference between a mediocre and amazing orgasm?)? They're your pelvic floor muscles. Still confused? Try stopping your urine midstream. THOSE are the muscles you're exercising. Clench and hold those muscles a couple times a day (generally OUTSIDE the bathroom). I like to do mine whenever I'm at a stop sign.
5. Stimulate your spots. Is it your clitoris that needs the friction to reach orgasm? Your G-spot? Since I'm assuming you've learned this through your "homework" of masturbation, make sure that your sex positions stimulate those spots. If your normal position doesn't do the trick, take a risk and try something new!