The Fear of Having More Babies Is Killing My Sex Life

on November 19, 2011 at 1:30 PM

vasectomy family guy This is a little bit personal, so I apologize if I'm over-sharing. Also, stop reading right here, Mom. I haven't had a vasectomy and it's wrecking havoc on my sex life.

Basically, any moment of love and lust that my wife and I manage to make time for is immediately thwarted by the fear factor. No, that's not another name for the rhythm method.

We don't want any more children. The mere possibility of it leaves us terrified and, frankly, not feeling very sexy.

To be clear, this has nothing to do with the kids that we have. They are our world. If they play a role in this discussion at all, it's that we are very happy with what we have got and where we are at. The youngest is 5-years-old, and we don't want to start over again.

We have moved, as a family, to the next level of responsibility and independence. That doesn't mean that we are any less hands on -- it just means that our hands aren't on diapers and 2 a.m. feedings. We're good with that.

You're probably asking why I haven't had the vasectomy. It's an insurance thing. I'm a freelance writer, and as such I don't have health insurance that covers the procedure, nor the income to pay for it out of pocket. And they don't make a home-kit.

In the meantime we rely on the same combination of over-the-counter contraception that we have for the past 10+ years, and while we were once willing to roll the dice on the odds, these days we don't like the chances.

Need more information on the vasectomy procedure? Here's an instructional video for you (NSFWish):

Does the thought of an unwanted pregnancy play a role in your bedroom?

About the author Whit Honea

is a writer living in Los Angeles with his wife and two sons. His writings and rants can be found all over the Internet. Some of it is worth reading. Some of it.

Filed Under: marriage, sex

Comments (32)

mummajenni

on Nov 19, 2011 at 1:45 PM

I hear you. Being terrified really kills it for me, and my husband.

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kjbugsmom1517

on Nov 19, 2011 at 2:03 PM

It did when we were between babies. But I have my tubes tied now and it is not as big of a concern.

whitebreads

on Nov 19, 2011 at 2:06 PM

With all the contraceptive measures out there and the odds what they are frankly no I dont worry. I'm not presuming to know your business but the pill is a very good option if your wifes health permits. Maybe I'm an exception but before being married we used years worth of condoms and we are so done with them now. The easiest thing for me to do is be on the pill, no surgery necessary!

Facebook comment from Argentina Iraheta

on Nov 19, 2011 at 2:19 PM

1) The pill, your wife can get it free or at a reduced price at many clinics including Planned Parenthood. 2) IUD (intra-uterine device) if you don't want to worry about your wife skipping pills by accident. There's hormonal (Mirena) and copper (Paragaurd). If your wife has insurance, it should be covered by a regular OB/GYN visit depending on which state you live in. If not, many clinics (again Planned Parenthood) offer it free/reduced cost or on a payment plan. Copper is cheaper and last 10 years as opposed to hormonal which only lasts 5. Thery're both recommended for women who have already given birth but do not want kids in the near future. They're also removable with no reproductive side effects if you ever did decide to have another child.

All of this information is readily available if you do a google search. I learned most of this stuff from clicking links starting from the Planned Parenthood website. My mother had a copper IUD put in after I was born and I have friends who have either Mirena or Paraguard. I'm actually looking for an OB/GYN right now to get mine in. It's a $5 co-pay on my insurance, which is the cost of a basic OB/GYN visit. The IUD and procedure themselves are offered at no cost to me. The insurance covers insertion and removal as long as I pay my regular co-pay for the OB/GYN visit.

on Nov 19, 2011 at 2:25 PM

Theres also the depo shot that lasts a few months...not sure the specifics, look it up. I have friends that take it and love it.

LoganTroyMom

on Nov 19, 2011 at 2:42 PM

i am terrified of getthng pregnant quickly again after i pop this one out in jan! But we want more eventually possibly so sterilization isnt an option yet

EquestrianMom

on Nov 19, 2011 at 2:54 PM

I use the copper IUD, I have used the pill but it makes me uhhhh, witchy :P So no, the worry doesn't ill my sex life! When I didn't have the iud, it did!

Nonmember comment from Cookie

on Nov 19, 2011 at 2:55 PM

I totally agree with this article. I hate birth control (I've tried 6 different types. 2 made me so sick I had to go to the hospital, 2 made me crazy, 1 made me fat, and 1 didn't work. Mirena can keep you from having future children, and the copper IUD isn't covered by most insurance companies ($800). And Condoms suck! Even though we DO use them, though it's starting to kill the sex life.

Nonmember comment from Sandra

on Nov 19, 2011 at 2:57 PM

Shit i wish he would understand that thats why i dont want to have sex

Facebook comment from Amanda Ricketts

on Nov 19, 2011 at 3:07 PM

I guess I'm dumbfounded by this post. Do you not trust your wife to reliably take birth control? Can you not afford condoms? Are you not intelligent enough to take a natural family planning class? All of these are good options for avoidance. A grown man with a family hasn't figured out how not to have children and still have a sex life? Wow. I really don't buy the whole "i can't afford a vasectomy" argument. If you can't afford that, then you really can't afford to get pregnant; and being an outpatient procedure, I'm sure the vasectomy is cheaper then pregnancy. If you wanna get snipped, then start saving. I was on birth control for 10 years and had to go off d/t blood pressure problems. We use natural family planning (not the rhythm method) to avoid pregnancy; it works - and it's free! Our sex life is hotter than ever.