Having Just One Love of Your Life Is a Lie


woman placing wedding band on husband's finger marriage vowsA friend of mine who has been twice divorced and is currently married to hubby number three recently shared something on Facebook I found intriguing. Her friend, who is a sex and relationship consultant, said she doesn't believe in lifelong relationships. She believes in "relationship-long relationships." Interesting, right? Definitely makes you think twice about "'til death do us part."

Don't get me wrong -- I believe in marriage, commitment, and ultimately finding "the one" (who I believe is really the person you choose to be the one). But believing in "relationship-long relationships" instead of "lifelong relationships" certainly seems more realistic.

Here's the thing ... don't we all sort of live various lives within our one life? And we often find ourselves with different partners who simply "fit" into a separate "life" within our lifetime. Like when I was a teen, trying to find myself, striving to be cool, artsy, I was seeing a sweet, sensitive musician who I thought was just the epitome of unconventional, out there, and cool. Or when I was in college, I must have had the urge to be more urban, more east coast, so I was with guys who grew up in NYC and Boston, who were engrossed in those cities' cultures. Now, I'm with the man I hope to marry, and he's like the Yin to my Yang. I'm positive that without past loves, I would have never found my way to him, just as how all my other "lives" lead up to this one I'm enjoying presently.

Also, think of it this way. A serious relationship could run its course at four months, whereas another may last three years, and then one day, you meet the guy you're married to for 40 years. But just because you end up spending most of your "lifetime" with your husband doesn't mean you didn't ever actually love the others. Or that remarried people never actually loved their previous spouse(s). Or you couldn't love someone else if -- God forbid -- your partner passed away, you know? I mean, for a cheesy/fictional but prime example, just look at Rose and Jack in Titanic! Despite the microscopically short time they knew one another, they were definitely loves of one another's lives. The only? Probably not.

Being comfortable with this concept is awesome, because it not only takes pressure off by dismissing that idea that you can only ever truly love one person, but it also gives humans a bit more credit! We're capable of love, a LOT of love, and within our one life, we're constantly evolving. Seems super-romantic to me.

Do you believe there's only one love of your life, or do you think it's possible to have multiple "loves of our lives"?

Image via makelessnoise/Flickr

commitment, marriage, love


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jlynx0 jlynx0

I've been in love twice. My first love who I was with for five years and was engaged to, and my husband.  I've dated more men than that and haven't had a relationship under 3 months long. I'm also sure that I told the people I dated that I loved them and I'm sure I did, on some level. But my first love and my husband are the ultimate. I don't believe that you love only one person your entire life unless you marry the only person you ever dated and never date or marry anyone else. But, The love for my husband greatly surpasses that of my first love. I'm deeply connected to him and such a significant level.

Rachel Schiller

I don't believe in "the one".

Chalon King

I also do not believe in the "one" a relationship takes 2 people that are willing to work on problems and even if one gives up the other must be stronger....going on 10 years whoo hoo!

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

I don't think the idea of relationship long relationships is at all healthy. You can't go in to a relationship assuming it's going to end, that makes walking away far too easy. I would never consider dating a man that I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with. That's not to say I couldn't date a guy and decide against marrying him in the end but if I knew from the beginning that he wasn't the one that I'd be with until death I would keep my options open rather than committing to a relationship with an expiry date. When I met my hubby we were friends and after a few months I knew he was the one I'd be with until the end of our lives and we went to the next level.

nonmember avatar jice

Sure I've loved a lot of other guys, but I loved my husband more... so much more I chose to marry him and he is the love of my life. The others might have been the love of my October, or the love of my year 2001, but the fact that I'm spending my life with my husband means that he is the love of my life and the others were just temporary.

Payton Irwin

I think it's actually MORE romantic for a couple to admit that there could be multiple people you could fall in love with, but that you choose to spend the rest of your life with that one person.

nonmember avatar Shelly

I do think that people can have multiple loves. I don't believe that it's a LIE, for a person to have one love. I have only ever truly loved my husband. I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. Our relationship, is certainly not a lie. My relationships before him, just never turned into love. In fact, I always ended them, because I did not love the man back. They just weren't the right person for me to love.

nonmember avatar joyce

there could be only one love of someone's life depending on their upbringing, environment, lifestyle, etc. most of my women friends have had more than one "love" of their life, some have never dated at all and one even married the first guy she dated and they are still together many years later. I am currently with the 3rd love of my life, who I sincerely hope to be my lifetime love until our passings.

mommix4 mommix4

I've only ever loved my husband. We met at 17 we are now 31. If he passed away I may love again but I could never love anyone else the way I love my husband, or as much as I love my husband. We've grown up together, are raising children together, and have been through teen pregnancy, miscarriages, deaths of loved ones, and giving our lives to Christ together. The depth of my love for him could never be repeated with another man

douxm... douxmusique

I'm fairly.certain the concept is dependent and each individuals past and present. I have only ever loved my husband. I like what mommix4 said-the depth of my love could never be repeated with another man.

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