10 Things You Should Never Ever Say to a Divorcee

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broken heart bookI won't go into the dirty details, but trust me when I say that my divorce was the saddest and most painful thing that's ever happened to me. What made it worse? The really dumb things that people would say when I told them my husband and I were no longer together. I'd like to think that their hearts were in the right place, but it's difficult to know for sure when their mouths were spewing such insensitive nonsense.

Check out the 10 things you should never, ever say to a divorcee.

1. “Didn’t you see this coming from the beginning?” Busted! I glimpsed into the future and saw disaster and ruination but planned an entire life with him anyway because I enjoy a good crushing life-blow. Next time around, a little heads-up?

2. “I always hated [insert scorned spouse’s name here].” Do you mean you always hated the man who I thought I would love forever and said so in front of everyone I knew on the best day of my life? Gee, thanks. (If you chose to procreate with scorned spouse, this statement is 168 times more offensive.)

3. “OMG. Do you think I’ll get divorced, too?” The good news for you is that divorce is not contagious. The bad news is you may get divorced for being so damn insensitive and self-centered.

4. “How do you find the strength to get out of bed in the morning?” It’s divorce -- not the zombie apocalypse!

5. “My husband and I had problems -- but we decided to try harder and work it out.” Don’t assume that just because my name is Kim, I Kardashianed my way out of my marriage. Sometimes the best intentions, dogged determination, and all the counseling in the world just isn’t enough to fix what’s broke. That’s a scary thing to accept -- which I suppose is why many people haven’t.

6. "My husband and I have problems – just the other day we got in a big fight about whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher!” Can I please join you in your alternate reality?

7. “What a bummer! … Hey, do you want to come to my heart-themed couples-only baby shower?” Not unless the baby shower has a game that involves watching a divorced woman drink herself into a coma.

8. “When are you going to start dating again?” Immediately. Once those men see this tear-streaked basket case, I'm sure I'll be married again in no time.

9. “Oh no! Does this mean you can only date divorced men now? Ick!” Yes. And we’ll live in a divorced house and drive a divorced car and have a divorced dog and divorced children because we're only one step up from ax murderers and that's all we defective people deserve. (For the record, all the divorced men I’ve met are lovely.)

10. But the worst thing to say to a divorcee is … nothing at all. Call me dramatic, but many people will tell you that dealing with divorce is just as painful, stressful, and life-altering as dealing with a death of a loved one. If a friend had a close family member or friend pass away, would you avoid the topic and pretend everything was business as usual? No, you would say things like, “I’m here for you. You’ll get through this. I care about you.” Guess what? Same thing goes for divorce. Just because it’s awkward doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

 

Image via Cocteau Boy/Flickr

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2love 2love

Yeah the article is funny... But i guess its the ten things people shouldn't have said about your divorce because my divorce is the best thing that happened to me and i whenever someone said they didnt know what to say i would tell them you could just say congratulations... That'll be just fine

2love 2love

Yeah the article is funny... But i guess its the ten things people shouldn't have said about your divorce because my divorce is the best thing that happened to me and i whenever someone said they didnt know what to say i would tell them you could just say congratulations... That'll be just fine

Melis... Melissa042807

We've had two friends go through divorce this year and what we learned was the best thing we could do was be supportive of them where they were at. One friend went through a period of really trying to get his wife to go to counseling with him after she left, so we were supportive of him through that, but once it became clear she wasn't interested and he moved on, we were supportive there too. Divorce can be an emotional rollercoaster and sometimes as a friend you just gotta be along for the ride, all the ups and downs, the good days and the bad. 

PonyC... PonyChaser

We find ourselves situations where people are at a loss to say something all the time. Divorce, a horrible illness, another disaster, like a natural disaster or fire taking a family's home. Please remember that it is ALWAYS appropriate to say something like, "I'm so sorry this happened to you; I don't know what else to say." Be honest... if you don't know what to say, that's ok!! It's better than making the other person feel bad because you're uncomfortable. Sometimes those who have gone through the bad situation don't know what to say, either.

tuffy... tuffymama

People sometimes say tactless things when faced with someone in a rough spot because they don't know exactly what to do. I had a neighbor say some batty things to me when I divorced my husband, but I knew she was just feeling awkward and didn't know what to say. My mother, on the other hand, said hateful things on purpose. But she's that kind of special beotch.

Lisa Moore

I have been through a divorce and it was nothing near as bad as losing a loved one, maybe that was just me. The worst things I heard (from people who didn't know the situation) "you should have stayed with him" or assuming that because I had a rough patch afterward I would have been better off if I had stayed. Well I had him arested for sexual exploitation of children..so yea I wasnt gonna stay. There were some people who knew the situation that liked to say "well I knew there was something wrong with him" or even that they could tell exactly what he was doing. Which A I don't believe because I knew him for 4 yrs before we got married and he was very good at covering it up and B if you knew why did you wait til after I left to say something. Yea leaving him was one of the best things I ever did and I dont want anyone to ever feel sorry for me for it. Oh and also I was 8 months pregnant at the time and would have to hear in the future " well dont you think your son should know his father" or "well yea he did a bad thing but do you REALLY think he would hurt his own kid" and the best one an idiot told me that I didnt have to worry about him molesting my kid because I had a son so I should just go back to him so I wouldn't have to struggle financially.

nonmember avatar Mars

I ended a two year relationship with a woman who managed to include condescending, ad hominem and self-deprecating sarcasm in every conversation. You can add - 11. I'm not surprised.

kisse... kisses5050

I know what my favourite thing I heard was.. so now I say it to people... " I hope your second chance brings you happiness.. if you need anything please let me know, I will be here for you."

momto... momtolittleg

People would say to me, "Was this a good thing or a bad thing?" if they didn't know the circumstances, and I appreciated that they asked and didn't assume, so that's usually what I say to others.  My answer was, "A good thing, I think"- it doesn't get any more honest than that.

Crystal Green

My first divorce was extremely hard on me. I truly didn't expect it, even though I KNOW I'm to blame for 90% of our issues. However, I also believed he would stand by me and we'd work things out. My second divorce was a God send because he freed me to be with my first and only true love of my life, which I'm currently married to.


Marriage is hard work, and it does take two to make it work. Sometimes you can't always work things out even if you want to.

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