Believe it or not, Kim Kardashian's 72-day sham of a marriage actually lasted longer than some other ill-fated celebrity marriages. I know I feel more personally slighted by Kim's divorce than I do, say, by Pam Anderson's, but that's only because I rotted my brain for four hours and watched with wide, believing eyes as Kim and her family prepared and carried out her $10 million wedding. I know I'm fully responsible for buying into that crap, and I only have myself to blame for feeling so gypped by Kim and Kris, but still. Seventy-two days? Really?
Maybe looking at a list of the shortest celeb marriages will cheer us up. If we've already forgotten about these ill-fated couples, maybe we'll soon forget about Kim and Kris, too. Because the sooner, the better. Let the healing begin as we reminisce about these five, un-blessedly short celebrity unions.
- Britney Spears and Jason Alexander, 55 hours: I remember sitting on my parents' couch over winter break in 2004 when the news came in that Brit got married to a childhood friend in Vegas. It was when she was at the top of her game and getting married in a trucker hat and midriff-baring top just seemed ... unsettling. Perhaps it was the beginning of the end for her. But this marriage? Distant memory.
- Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, 9 days: This odd couple tied the knot in Vegas back in 1998, but decided to annul the union nine days later. Guess it just took them that long to sober up.
- Mario Lopez and Ali Landry, 2 weeks: The sexy couple had a beautiful ceremony in April 2004, but trouble was a brewin'. Ali soon found out that Mario had been cheating throughout their six-year relationship. The icing on the cake was he may or may not have slept with another woman during his bachelor party. Ouch. That AC Slater, whatta dog.
- Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage, 107 days: Hey! They beat Kim and Kris! The pair were wed in August 2002 but called it quits soon after. Presley admitted later that the whole thing was "a big mistake."
- Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, 122 days: In August 2006, these two crazy 30-somethings got wasted on a yacht in St. Tropez and said "I do." Only about four months later they were saying "I don't" when they each filed for divorce.
These other couples certainly didn't have the wedding spectacle surrounding them like Kim and Kris, but, I don't know, maybe in two years we'll be like, Ohhhh yeah! Remember when Kim was married to that super tall guy that kinda looked like Taylor Lautner? God that feels like forever ago.
That day can't come soon enough.
Do you remember these short celeb marriages?
Photo via Frank Micelotta/Getty