Stop Pressuring Women to Marry (There Aren't Many Good Men Anyway!)

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brideMy mother was a Betty Friedan loving feminist, raising me to believe that not only were women AS good as men, they were probably BETTER. It's a life-lesson that's saved me from dating too many losers, too many lousy lovers, and too many people who simply weren't worth it. I was as shocked as she was that she was actually -- and still is -- married, as she's the sort of woman who doesn't need a man.

Which meant that I was as surprised as the next person when I found myself waltzing up the aisle in a puffy white dress back in 2005. I'd never been the sort to fantasize about my future wedding or future husband. In fact, I'd spent that time fantasizing about how I was going to conquer the world or what I'd name my robot monkey butler.

Recently, I came across several articles recently that echoed those lessons my mother imparted upon me: women are settling less and achieving more.

Since the downturn of the economy in 2007, men are increasingly jobless. The pool of men you'd actually want to marry has gone from a large, cavernous ocean to a puddle in a parking lot. The amount of male deadbeats are rising as the number of playboys are growing, leaving we women to decide, is marriage actually WORTH it?

After all, women hold 51.4 percent of all professional and managerial positions (neatly doubled since 1980) and they earn 60 percent of all bachelor's and master's degrees. Being a single woman is no longer seen as a death sentence, and frankly, many prefer to live their lives alone. We have, as Gloria Steinem once said, "become the men we wanted to marry."

What does this mean for marriage? I certainly don't think marriage is a dying institution. I think it's simply time for society to reexamine marriage as the apex of existence.

Diamonds may still be a girl's best friend, but I've learned how much sweeter they look when I've bought them myself.

My husband would agree.

Do you think society puts too much pressure on women to marry?

 

Image via Aunt Becky

commitment, divorce, marriage, weddings

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babyb... babybirch

There ARE plenty of good men . Most single women pay little or no attention to them, and, for whatever reason, are shocked and confused when their bad boys treat them badly .

Kritika Kritika

In all fairness there aren't very many "good" women to choose from either. I echo babybirch's comment. My husband was the nice guy that every girl just wanted to be friends with and as soon as he got with me they all came crawling back with the "I'm sorry, I was wrong"s...sorry snooze you lose! He treats me like a princess and I love it.

babyb... babybirch

Yeah, my husband was the same guy ... Always in the friend zone because he was 'too nice' . I can't imagine choosing someone who treats me poorly over that guy . He really is my world .


I second what kritika says also ... if you want to snag Prince Charming, you sure as hell better be Snow White .

nonmember avatar Shelly

Gee...I thought people married for love. I had No idea it was all about economic status, or material things. I guess I better dump my husband who currently only brings in 24,000 a year. Loving husband, great father, hard worker, awesome man, generous man, funny, intelligent,...damn him!! He's not bringing home the bacon, he must be a loser!

nonmember avatar midwestguy

I think the important question to ask is: *Who* is pressuring women to marry. Who? Your mom? Your self-perceived collective-expectation by society? Pressure from within? Men do not tend to look at the ceremony as that once in a lifetime chance to wear a tux or to throw the ultimate party. Neither gender should be harboring a fear that if they do not get married he/she will be forever doomed to the dependancy of our aging parents. That is why both genders are expected to become skilled/educated.
Though I am sure that it was a real problem in the 50s, I went to elementary school in the 70s in SDak--the girls were just as encouraged and called on to participate as the boys. Gender wars consisted only as mythical 'cooties.'
The reason why many men dodge the pressure to get married is not to avoid commitment--it is to avoid a not-flawed, but severly-broken institution.
Anyone who wants to claim the title of 'adult' should be able to digest the implication of what a long-term, lifelong commitment means, before entering into it or declining to participate in the agreement.
In short, lifelong commitment=healthy, maturing with a committed mate; marriage=fraudulent agreement based on false regulation, unsupported by the courts.
P.S. Cute wedding pics; success to your partnership

Kritika Kritika


Shelly, I know of rich men that treat their wives like shit and, funny enough, I know even more poor men that treat their wives like shit. Every single person I hear make that money-hungry arguement uses it to validate themselves and their own situation (which leaves much to be desired).


I didn't marry for money but I married someone who's ALSO educated and has a good job because I enjoy stability - and guess what - he had the same expectations. So I guess we're both a bunch of gold diggers.


mommix4 mommix4

Wow I married my husband at 18 and neither one of us had a job. Glad I didn't pass him up because of money or I would've missed out on 14yrs of marriage, 4 kids and the most amazing man.

zandh... zandhmom2

I agree with Kritika ~ you should marry for love but before you fall in love with someone, you should make sure that they share your same goals in life for a good future.  I don't understand women who "fall" for men who they know from the get go don't work, is not educated, have many kids from different women and don't / can't pay child support, still time in and out of jail.  I mean seriously, if you go into a relationship that is based on any of these problems, don't cry and bitch later when your life sucks and your stuck with kids you can't provide for. Hold yourself up to a higher standard and you will get a man of higher standards.

Amanda Ricketts

This article is bogus nonsense. If there is any pressure for women to marry, it is from the wedding industry - sheerly for the pursuit of profit. Beyond that, I, personally, would find it odd that a woman would want to remain single forever, BUT, hey to each their own and I don't know who would be telling them otherwise, than their own conscience. I do take issue with the idea that marriage is for financial gain or for perceived success - as this is what the author makes very clear. I am married to a man who has more education that me, but BECAUSE of the economy is stuck working an $8/hr job in a school district (a degree in Education doesn't go far these days). He is a great husband - kind, caring, and willing to help me anyway he can...especially since my Bachelor's degree earned me a job working 50hrs/week. I would LOVE to have it the other way around, I would LOVE to not have to financially carry our household, but it is what it is and I accepted that the day I said my vows; and because I'm a nurse, I will always have a stable job. But I married for love and companionship, not for dollar signs. I guess Aunt Becky sees success as the number of letters behind ones name and the amount of money that correlates to. I see success as being a good person, with a good reputation, who has the character and integrity to make it through all the crap life dishes out - this makes for a truly stable home and family no matter what the income is.

nonmember avatar Shelly

Kritika - I hear you. People LOVE my husband. (Frankly he is awesome.) He has a great education, degree, work history, and from the looks of it a great job. It IS a great job, just not great play. It fits into our lives in ways a high paying job (he could easily get) would never. We have amazing flexibility in his job. Also, a nice home, nice cars that are paid off, no debt. We are smart with our money. I don't expect him to get a great paying job, because his job has perks others don't. Perks that I can't really trade for money. I don't consider marrying someone for quality of life, being a gold digger...when you also love them. I DO consider someone who marries ONLY for money and absent of love, a gold digger.

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