'Fractured' Penises Need an Awareness Campaign

on October 7, 2011 at 4:50 PM

broken penis If October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, do you think November should be dedicated to Penis Fracture Awareness? Because apparently it's happening and no one is really talking about it. Tens of men break their schlongs every seven years in this country, and only a few have come forward to talk about their terrifying experience. They're a bit embarrassed, if not ashamed, you see, because a broken penis is pretty much the result of a broken marriage. These men's Johnsons aren't cracking in half in the privacy of their own bedrooms while they're doing their wives, no. They're fracturing them while banging the secretary in the supply closet.

According to a University of Maryland Hospital study, 13 out of the 16 men who broke their erect penises between 2004 and 2011 did so while cheating on their wives. Karma much?

Researchers say that dudes are breaking their dicks due to the unusual positions and odd places they're doing the nasty. As you can imagine, it's totally more likely to snap in two when going at it in an office bathroom stall, or a car, or in a sex cage at a swingers' club than it is when you're doing it missionary-style in your marital bed.

And no, you're right, you can't literally fracture a penis because, yes, right again, a penis does not have any bones. However, these randy, adventurous men are lacerating their tunica albuginea, a fibrous membrane in the center of the penis. Ouch.

I gotta feel bad for these guys, but at the same time, they were having acrobatic sex outside of their marriage. I don't want to go as far as to say that they deserved what they got, but dang -- they kind of deserved what they got. But I guess a broken, flaccid penis is sure a lot better to bring home than gonorrhea or herpes.

While we're still learning about lacerated tunica albuginea, I encourage you to say something if you see something. Behind every broken penis (and by "every," I mean 13 in the last seven years), there's a broken marriage. Let the awareness begin!

Do you think a broken penis is karma for cheating men?

Photo via antmoose/Flickr

About the author Lindsay Mannering

is a blogger, a pub quiz connoisseur, and a spicy food athlete.

Filed Under: cheating

Comments (16)

Nonmember comment from Christina

on Oct 7, 2011 at 5:03 PM

HAHAHAH!!! My step dad broke his penis. My mother, unfortunately, told me all about it. They were humping doggy style in the living room and his aim was a little off apparently. He spent a few days in the hospital! As far as your question goes, I do think its instant karma for cheaters! LOL

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jkm89

Gahhhh... just reading this made my non-existant penis hurt. I think Karma is a great explanation for these broken penises. Man, that must hurt like hell.

LucretiaMcEvil

on Oct 7, 2011 at 5:23 PM

I wonder how beat up the vagina looks that the penis was playing with when it got broken.

Facebook comment from Melissa Loor

on Oct 7, 2011 at 5:24 PM

sidesplittinglaughter

ShugarD

on Oct 7, 2011 at 5:43 PM

OOOWWWAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I feel no sympathy for any man that has that happen to them at all because to me they are getting xactly what they deserve. They shouldn't be sneaking around doing what they're doing!!!! It is better for them to come home with a broken penis than a disease and it lets thier wives know what their doing in the long run cause how do explain how thier dick got that way.. I say good for them...

tkshoults

on Oct 7, 2011 at 5:52 PM

My ex-hubby broke his YEARS before we were ever together.. He was with this one girl he was engaged to & couldn't use it for a while except to pee... It was not long before I realized his pecker pointed to the left whenever he got hard..LMAO!!