Strong Marriages Can & Should Survive Sexual Betrayal

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For many, an affair is a deal-breaker. It's the end of the relationship, a sign that the spouses need to move on, and a black and white issue with little recourse. But in longer marriages, especially when kids are involved, infidelity doesn't have to end the marriage. Some marriages can recover.

A website called Affair Recovery offers couples the chance to test what kind of affair they had using the "affair analyzer" software and then decide whether the marriage can be saved.

The fact is, there ARE all different kinds of affairs.

A woman (or man) who is serially unfaithful or falls in love with the other person may not be able to move on in his or her marriage. It may have been a way to get out of the marriage in the first place.

But affairs aren't always that. Sometimes they happen because the people are neglecting one another or too busy or fighting a lot. Sometimes they happen because one person is restless or bored.

Whatever the reason, they don't have to be a deal-breaker. Personally, my husband would have to openly leave me for another woman for me to end our marriage over an affair. It's just not worth it to me to lose him over something that feels small in the scheme of things. If he was truly sorry and willing to work on things, I think we could recover and be stronger for it, especially if it were only a one-night stand. 

There are worse things people do to one another in marriages that are far more devastating than a momentary lapse in judgement that leads to sex with another person.

How about you? Do you think you could forgive an affair?

 

Image via denharsh/Flickr

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nonmember avatar Liz

Strong marriages don't lead to affair, period. If someone in a marriage has an affair, it's because there is a weakness in that marriage.

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

If a one night stand or even a longer affair with a single partner is enough to kill your marriage then you shouldn't have been married in the first place. Marriage is a commitment that should not be thrown out the window because something goes a bit askew.

nonmember avatar kt

I'm curious, but has your husband cheated on you before? If not, I do not know if you'd be singing the same tune.

mommix4 mommix4

For me its a deal breaker. I've seen the effects of cheating and its not pretty. Its also the one reason divorce is acceptable in the Bible.

jalaz77 jalaz77

I agree with Liz, these were my thoughts exactly when I read this title. It would be a deal breaker for me. I would feel weak in that marriage if my husband stepped out. The reason divorce is so high these days compared to 50 years ago is because women don't NEED men they WANT men. That is a huge difference. Women have a say in how they want to live their life and if a man or woman steps out, then that marriage is shaky til the end. Trust over love is my priority.

cocob... cocobeannns

"If a one night stand or even a longer affair with a single partner is enough to kill your marriage then you shouldn't have been married in the first place." ... WHAT?


Doesn't that go against what marriage is SUPPOSED to be to begin with? You know, the whole it's supposed to be between two people, two people who are supposed to be COMMITTED to each other and to each other alone? If you want to sleep with or have a relationship with SOMEONE ELSE, then you know where the door is. I'm sorry, but that is not the way a marriage is supposed to be! It's saying something loud and clear when your husband steps out on you. He isn't happy with you or with your marriage, therefore he felt the need to find what he was missing elsewhere. And if he continues to stray, it's because you LET him. You let him think it's okay, because you keep forgiving him. Sorry, it won't be forgiven in my relationship. I know my worth. There are plenty of good men who will not cheat on you.

nonmember avatar blh

If you love your partner you wont cheat on them. Period. I've cheated on previous boyfriends so I know. Its pure selfishness. I've stayed in a relationship where the other person cheated becuae of my baby and for financial reasons and its miserable. There will never be any trust again. And all the talking or therapy in the world wont make those hurt feelings go away.

nonmember avatar blh

If you love your partner you wont cheat on them. Period. I've cheated on previous boyfriends so I know. Its pure selfishness. I've stayed in a relationship where the other person cheated becuae of my baby and for financial reasons and its miserable. There will never be any trust again. And all the talking or therapy in the world wont make those hurt feelings go away. And saying the only away you'd divorce your husband is if he leaved you for another woman makes you look seriously pathetic and a doormat.

nonmember avatar danielle

WOW. Just when i thought women were empowering themselves and having standards, i read this crap. Strong marriages don't lead to ANY kind of cheating. You wanna cheapen yourself go ahead. But my man loves and respects me enough to never do that to me, and he's well aware it's a dealbreaker. It would break my heart into a million pieces and he knows that and if he would subject me to pain like that for his own pleasure he's not the man for me.

Melis... Melissa042807

From what I've seen, an affair is often a symptom of a bigger problem rather than root of the problem itself. We've watched two marriages among our friends end this year, and in both cases one partner had an affair, BUT in both cases the affair wasn't what started the problems. There were already major problems. The affair - and getting busted for the affair - was what brought the other problems to the surface, and the other problems were what were cited for the divorces, not the affairs. In both cases the partner who was cheated on said they could forgive the affair, but it was the other issues that ultimately brought things to an end. 


I think marriages CAN recover from affairs and other problems. But every couple is unique and both partners must be willing to work through things together. And that doesn't always happen. That's just reality. 

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