For many, an affair is a deal-breaker. It's the end of the relationship, a sign that the spouses need to move on, and a black and white issue with little recourse. But in longer marriages, especially when kids are involved, infidelity doesn't have to end the marriage. Some marriages can recover.
A website called Affair Recovery offers couples the chance to test what kind of affair they had using the "affair analyzer" software and then decide whether the marriage can be saved.
The fact is, there ARE all different kinds of affairs.
A woman (or man) who is serially unfaithful or falls in love with the other person may not be able to move on in his or her marriage. It may have been a way to get out of the marriage in the first place.
But affairs aren't always that. Sometimes they happen because the people are neglecting one another or too busy or fighting a lot. Sometimes they happen because one person is restless or bored.
Whatever the reason, they don't have to be a deal-breaker. Personally, my husband would have to openly leave me for another woman for me to end our marriage over an affair. It's just not worth it to me to lose him over something that feels small in the scheme of things. If he was truly sorry and willing to work on things, I think we could recover and be stronger for it, especially if it were only a one-night stand.
There are worse things people do to one another in marriages that are far more devastating than a momentary lapse in judgement that leads to sex with another person.
How about you? Do you think you could forgive an affair?
Image via denharsh/Flickr
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Comments 31
"If a one night stand or even a longer affair with a single partner is enough to kill your marriage then you shouldn't have been married in the first place." ... WHAT?
Doesn't that go against what marriage is SUPPOSED to be to begin with? You know, the whole it's supposed to be between two people, two people who are supposed to be COMMITTED to each other and to each other alone? If you want to sleep with or have a relationship with SOMEONE ELSE, then you know where the door is. I'm sorry, but that is not the way a marriage is supposed to be! It's saying something loud and clear when your husband steps out on you. He isn't happy with you or with your marriage, therefore he felt the need to find what he was missing elsewhere. And if he continues to stray, it's because you LET him. You let him think it's okay, because you keep forgiving him. Sorry, it won't be forgiven in my relationship. I know my worth. There are plenty of good men who will not cheat on you.
From what I've seen, an affair is often a symptom of a bigger problem rather than root of the problem itself. We've watched two marriages among our friends end this year, and in both cases one partner had an affair, BUT in both cases the affair wasn't what started the problems. There were already major problems. The affair - and getting busted for the affair - was what brought the other problems to the surface, and the other problems were what were cited for the divorces, not the affairs. In both cases the partner who was cheated on said they could forgive the affair, but it was the other issues that ultimately brought things to an end.
I think marriages CAN recover from affairs and other problems. But every couple is unique and both partners must be willing to work through things together. And that doesn't always happen. That's just reality.