Holding Out Sex on the First Date Means Hotter Sex Later On


Sex on first dateIt was your first date, but you kinda knew what it was hittin’ for before the plates and glasses from dinner even had a chance to be cleared off the table. Your chemistry had been crazy the entire evening. Every time you looked up, he was smiling with his eyes and grinning harder than a new Powerball winner.

Because you’re a natural flirt, it was hard not to give him your best vampy, vixen smolder, so eventually you gave up on holding it back and let your body language say the things you’re too ladylike to express out loud. You laughed and joked and played around all the way from the restaurant to the lounge to the car to the plush, queen-sized bed in your room.

Yep, you broke the cardinal rule of all good girl behavior: you got busy on the first date. Legs in the air, hair all over the place, gotta-get-up-to-get-a-glass-of-water kind of sex. Your mother would be so disappointed.

But the morning after. Ah, the morning after. The morning after has a way of recoloring the fun you had the night before with a responsible perspective that you didn’t have when the crown of your head was dangling off the edge of the mattress onto the floor. You cut your eye at the almost-stranger with his greasy head all over your favorite accent pillow, mentally scolding yourself for becoming one of those women you and your girls chastise for giving it up too soon. The crazy part is you actually really like this guy. And now you’re worried that he’ll treat you like a one-hit wonder because, after all, he did already dig all up in your cookie jar. The possibility of him wanting more in the form of a real relationship is a toss-up.

And so begins the morning-after mania of first-date, too-soon, no-commitment, what-the-heck-is-his-last-name-again? sex.

Most guys I’ve heard speak on the subject will say that whether it’s the first date or the fourteenth, bustin’ it up doesn’t have any bearing on whether or not they’ll deal with the girl on a more exclusive level in the future. If he likes her, he likes her regardless and will want to continue seeing her. Apparently, guys don’t sweat the inaugural sexual timeline as much as we do — which really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise since they don’t sweat too much of anything as hard as we do.

So the question actually isn’t whether he’ll respect you the morning after. The question is will you respect yourself?

Sex for most women — not all, but most — is all tangled up with intimacy, emotion, and positive affirmation. TV shows and articles in Cosmo may make casual sex look contemporary chic, the hip thing to do now that we make power moves in the work world and money moves in our finances. According to the liberal-thinking leaders in feminism, we should be able to cleave physical ecstasy from any psychological effects. But only a small percentage of women are actually wired to bedhop without developing some kind of attachment or racking up a whole heap of baggage from adventures in first date sexiness.

Holding out rather than giving in can building anticipation and heighten the electricity that already exists between the two of you. Intimacy can be stampeded in the rush to rip each other’s clothes off, but once you've introduced the bump and grind, it's impossible to go back and work on the natural build of sensuality and flirtation and intimacy — the kind that exists before you see each other butt naked. Once that line is crossed, most men aren’t interested in going back to making out. Seems so tenth grade compared to what you two have already done.

Because most women just aren’t built for hit-and-quit sexual rendezvous, it’s no wonder that a chick who gives it up on Day One would be a little worried about her prospects with a guy who pulled a first round TKO. In fact, research shows that gals in monogamous relationships who’ve had just one partner in the context of a relationship over the course of a year are happier, shinier people than the other segment of the population who are dipping into the community pool of naughtiness on a regular basis. It doesn’t take a long tussle with statistics or compiling facts and figures. It’s called common sense.

Have you ever given it up on the first date? Was it a hit or a could’ve missed?  


Image via Lite Speed Photography/Flickr

dating, dating mom, hooking up, sex, online dating, single moms, sexuality


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SandM... SandMsMama

how about not being a slut and getting to know a guy before giving it up.... you don't know someone well enough to have sex even after the 3rd date. that's obviously a rule made up by skanks

Billie Jo Evans

I met my husband online, he was (is) in the army and we lived 4hrs apart. We talked online and on the phone for 2yrs before we first met face to face. And I'll admit, I gave it up, lol. We knew each other and there was so much sexual tension. Now we've been together almost 7yrs and I'll never regret giving it up that first night, LOL.

pezch... pezcharlotte

Just out of curiousity SandMsMama, would you also call the guy a slut for having sex on the first night. Just curious if there is a double standard there for you.


nonmember avatar India

Lol at SandMsMama, stop being so judgemental and get a damn life. Anyway, I met my now fiancee and father of my child online about 6 months before we met, and we talked every day on the phone and internet. When I met him all I could think was WOW! And how gorgeous he was. I gave it up the 1st night, and 3 years later were still together have an amazing family and are currently planning our dream wedding. No regrets here.

nonmember avatar Lisa

I dated my husband for 3 months before having sex with him, we got married 3 months later, we where married for 17 years before he passed away.

I have since met a guy that has totally thrown me off my rocker, we went on 3 dates before having sex, which I wish I would have waited, it seemed so quick and desperate, but, it has been 7 months now and we are still going at it, and stronger than ever, we will eventually get married and he doesnt care that it happened so fast, but it does bother me.

nonmember avatar Joy

Wow SandMsMama - judgemental much? I'm a slut/skank (whatever you want to call me) that gave it up to my husband the first night and we are still together 15 years later. He is the only person I've ever given it up to the first night. When it's the right person, you just know! Maybe if you opened your mind up a bit, life wouldn't be dull for you and you wouldn't have to judge everybody else?

blond... blondyray86

lol this would probably be true but honestly who does this anymore? i bet that less than half of society waits. not even a quarter wait for marriage. lol

Jessica Moseley

@SandMsMama, I don't believe in the term slut. Women LIKE sex, too. If they want sex, Why should they have to wait days, months, years for it? As long as there safe, I don't see a problem. A slut is someone who sleeps with someones significant other knowingly to me, kinda like a homewrecker. THAT'S slutty. Obviously, According to you, I'm a slut since I slept with my (now) husband our first time meeting each other. ( We met online, a week later we went out.) The husband and I are still together, So Obviously he has a thing for this "slut."

Mrscj... Mrscjones

I had sex with my husband the second night I saw him which was our first date. If u want 2 y not stop taking things so seriously. And by the way the sex has gotten better as the years went by and we're expecting our first baby together

Bibiana Garcel

I was 18 when I had sex for the first time ever with my now husband. We've only dated for two weeks when I finally gave it up, technically it was two dates. I'm 25 now and we love each other more than ever.


I did give him a bj on the first date, so in a way I did give it up on the first date and it was the biggest hit of my life. Call me a skank and a slut, I dont care. I cant be happier with my life and I have no regrets.

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