Single Ladies Need to Stop Complaining About No Ring

12

engagement ringI've never been big on ladies "waiting for their man to propose." And what I mean by that is "I've never been big on ladies constantly complaining that their man hasn't yet proposed." It's not that I'm callous or unsympathetic -- I will totally listen to you, and listen hard, if you'd like -- it's just ... I don't know, there's something sort of retro and icky about it.

The way I see it, it's 2011. A man and a woman should reach a decision together regarding whether or not they're ready to commit their lives to each other. It shouldn't solely be in the hands of the man. And if it is, well, there's a gross imbalance of opinion in the relationship, and it might be time to move on, as difficult as that may be.

Brides.com, purveyors of all things monogrammed and poofy, think differently, though. They feel if a woman wants to bitch (and bitch) about her boyfriend's inability to produce a shiny thing, they should be given a (really depressing) forum to do so.

Dubbed "Waiting for the Ring," the forum is a place for women to vent to complete and total strangers about their significant others -- and the fact that they still haven't popped the question. And it's not, like, normal venting. It's full-on "I'm trying to concoct a way to get him arrested if he doesn't propose" "venting." Here's a (kind of long) sampling:

my soon to be (hoping for 3 years now) fiance still hasn't proposed to me after being together for so long.

i give him everything a man could ask for. i cook his dinner for him on sunday's, i rub his neck after he gives me a full body massage, i only complain about him hanging out with his friends when i'm on my period (but only so he thinks it's my hormones), and we even have sex 1 time a week.

so this is what i'm thinking to get him to propose. he smokes marijuana in the basement of his house EVERY NIGHT! if i tell him that he either proposes to me or i call the police about his marijuana, does this make me a bad person? i talked to my stylist and she said go for it.

You can check out this particular thread. (And then get lost in the others.) This isn't a joke, like I originally (naively) though. This is real. And it's frightening.

What kind of basis for marriage is this? Blackmail? Talking smack to complete strangers? And LuvDiamonds -- that's the poster's screenname -- I think you're probably better off with someone who doesn't smoke weed in the basement every night. Although the full body massage does sound kind of nice ...

I get that venting feels good, it's cathartic. We all, including me, indulge in it from time to time. But this forum gives it a whole new meaning. And something about it seems sort of deceptive. But most of all, it's just super depressing

What do you think of "Waiting for the Ring"?

 

Image via ilovebutter/Flickr

marriage, commitment

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doll0302 doll0302

If  you don't have a ring, it is because your partner is not ready to take that step. There is no point in rushing them, it will end badly!!!! My now hubs and I were together for a LLLLOOOONNNGGG time, and either he was ready and i wasn't, or i was ready and he wasn't. When he asked, it was after i had been ill and had a hospital stay. I immediately thought that it was because he was paniking and didn't want to lose me, but he re-assured me that it was not that, and he had been planning, but i got sick, and he wanted to make sure that I was fully recovered. Bottom line - if you are ready, then ask HIM, and when he is ready, he will ask YOU. 

nonmember avatar blh

Lol that poor delusional girl. You definitely do not wanna marry a dumb pothead...believe me...better off staying single for the rest of your life.

mommy... mommymonkey

I think the women who would vent like that (the sample) don't deserve to be married.

Alicia Lili Mauer

Pathetic. It's not depressing, it's crazy and disgusting. If you're that desperate for a ring, aask him yourself and then you can either buy one together or you can pick out your own. 


"i rub his neck after he gives me a full body massage, i only complain about him hanging out with his friends when i'm on my period (but only so he thinks it's my hormones), and we even have sex 1 time a week."


Also, does this sound like a terrible relationship to anyone else? I'd never marry anyone who ever complained about my friends, excused his poor behavior on hormones, traded "neck rub" for "full body massage" or thought sex once a week was a lot, if no kids or distanced was involved. Why should this guy?

cocob... cocobeannns

I never understood the women who were waiting around for their men to propose either. He either will or he won't. And if he doesn't want to, there's not really much you can do about it. I used to have a friend who admitted she gave her boyfriend an ultimatum. She told him if he didn't propose within 5 years, she was leaving him. I was pretty speechless! One, why would want to force anyone into marrying you when they are CLEARLY not ready. And two, how desperate are you?! My fiance didn't propose until after we had already been together for 8 years. I knew it would happen if it was supposed to. We talked about marriage alot. I never once pushed for it.

nonmember avatar Jessy

Woowza, that forum poster is all kinds of crazy!

My husband and I came to the decision to marry together. Not because we were trying to prove a point or be ra-ra feminists but just because thats the balance in our relationship. We picked out a ring together and paid for it together but he planned the proposal and date all by himself because he wanted to surprise me.

I definitely agree with the above posters that ultimatums should never be made. Marriage is a huge decision and commitment and pressure from on partner will end in unhappiness for all.

Kritika Kritika

Whatever works for each individual couple. I bought my ring myself (his money) because I'm a little more aggressive when it comes to bargaining. There was a band we had been eyeballing at a "going out of business" boutique and I begged him to let me try and low ball them and he was hesitant. He gave me the cash, I plopped it down on the counter and said take it or leave it and they took it. I walked out with it, we put a rock in it, and voila. We are no more happy or unhappy than the rest of the population (I like to think happier) with the exception of no romantic story to tell. We also were also secretly legally married in December for payroll purposes but didn't have our wedding until August. We are a little unconventional but you know what I know plenty of friends that got romantic proposals and they either broke up or divorced already.

Marjc... Marjchaos

Well, I didn't resort to tricks. I put it on the line. If after 4 years he was not ready to get engaged (and I mean 1 year to plan the wedding engaged, not shut up, indefinatley engaged), then I figured we were both wasting our time.  I told him to think it over, and if he truly did not want to marry me, we should go our seperate ways, and here's the kicker. I meant it. It was not a threat, or a game. It was a sad, this isn't going where I need it to go, so I should deal with my broken heart now and move one thing. Well, he decided we should get married and we picked out the ring together.  It will be our 6 wedding anniversary in spring and we have 2 year old twins, and we really couldn't be happier. 


If you want marriage and your partner does not, then maybe your path is not together.

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