kirstie alley fat actressI wish Kirstie Alley would just stop talking. Because nothing she has had to say on the subject of weight loss -- especially lately -- has felt particularly productive or inspiring. Now comes news that she's been chatting about how her love and sex life has changed since she dropped 100 pounds

Since she became a size 4 size 6 size "skinny" and started feeling "back to normal," the 60-year-old formerly self-described Fat Actress claims, pre-weight loss, "I didn't like the way I looked, and I didn't want to have fat sex." But now, "For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want in a man. I want someone who has my back, who is courageous and brave."

There's a lot of truth ... but also a lot of trouble with this.

Yes, when we put in the time and effort and reach what feels like a "happy weight," it can have an amazing effect on our confidence, which in turn can make for major fireworks in the bedroom. And I get it -- when you're overweight and insecure about your appearance, you might not exactly feel like a sex goddess. But Kirstie makes it sound like she only felt like she deserved an amazing time in bed and a connection with a great guy once she got "skinny" (again).

That's the kinda screwed-up logic that has so many women hating themselves and missing out on their own sex lives, because we feel crappy about our post-baby body that doesn't look like freakin' Miranda Kerr, or because we gained a few pounds when we went through menopause, or even because we're bloated before our periods and having a "fat day." And yes, women struggling with a legit weight problem may feel like they're not attractive enough to enjoy their sexuality.

That never fails to kills me, because our weight shouldn't inhibit us so much that we feel like we don't deserve to be loved or schtupped! And what Kirstie's saying just sends a totally skewed message ... that only once she felt thin enough did she feel good enough about herself to have sex and find the right guy. It just raises so many dangerous questions: How thin is thin enough? Why is sex when you've got some weight to lose such a turn-off? Why can't we just love ourselves and have some self-compassion for ourselves no matter what weight we are? But most importantly: Confidence in bed and being overweight are not and should not be portrayed as mutually exclusive.

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised that once again, Scientology-loving, yo-yo dieting Kirstie gets it wrong, wrong, wrong.

Are you insulted by Kirstie's feelings on "fat sex"?

 

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