After reading about surrogate sex partners, I'm now dying to meet one at a party. Not because I want to sleep with one (geez!), but because they must be some of the most interesting, open-minded people on the planet. That's what I hope anyway, because if these trained sex professionals are just horned up dirty hippies trying to get legally paid for having sex, then really I'm not interested. Been there, done that.
OK so assuming the sex surrogate business and its alliance under the International Professional Surrogate Association (ISPA) is a legit practice that only has the best intentions of helping patients work through intense intimacy issues, I'm all for it. That said, it's understandably controversial.
The ISPA has been around since the '70s (you don't say) and started with about 300 members, but has dwindled down to about 50. But apparently, the demand for male surrogates is on the rise as an increased number of women have sought the unorthodox help of a surrogate.
A sex surrogate isn't just about sex, though. While some treatment will include having intercourse, it can also just be about making eye contact, holding hands, laying naked together. For some women who were sexually abused by a family member, surrogates are a safe way to learn how to not fear men and how to love.
I'll admit that it sounds a bit hippie-dippie to me ... I can only picture surrogates that look like Barbra Streisand in Meet the Fockers. But if surrogacy helps people, it helps people. And it's not like surrogates are being forced on patients, it's got to be consensual. Though many sex therapists say they'd never prescribe a surrogate, arguing that a sexual encounter won't "cure" them of their fears or anxieties, I say that if there are people out there who've suffered sexual trauma and need the help of a surrogate, may the force be with them.
I don't see anything wrong with pursuing a healthier and happier life, even if the treatment is contentious. In my opinion, physical therapy and emotional therapy are sometimes better options than medicinal therapies.
What do you think?
Photo via je@n/Flickr
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Comments 6
There is no better therapy than confronting your worst fears head on in a real situation and seeing you can survive. I can see how this may help some, and to them I say more power to you. On a side note, is this not legal prostitution if they're having sex (it's not non-profit is it?),
I dont understand this
I was molested when I was a kid and raped when I was a teenager and of course it caused me problems but I got over them when I found the right guy. Sure I had sex before I found 'Mr Right' but it wasn't the same, I was uncomfortable, I never orgasmed and I really just didn't like sex and that was with someone I dated, I can't imagine sleeping or being intimate with a basically total stranger
@ TC00 - I can see where it can be more comfortable with a stranger than with a partner. There's no risk of being heartbroken, of having to see that person again, or having that person spread your problems around to your social circle. And if these surrogates are trained well, it could be a good way to ease into sexual intimacy in a non-triggered setting, whereas a partner may not be able to do that. These trained surrogates know what your probable response will be, and are trained to deal with that. Rather than being freaked out or insulted, they'd be calm and prepared. Plus, trying to find a partner that is willing to learn all the techniques and stick around is hard for a lot of women. I think it's a great idea.
I can think of people I have known who are too afraid to even try to be in a relationship because of past scars. So there is no partner for them to work with, and probably never will be. If being with a sexual surragate helps them work through issues so that one day they are healed enough to even consider being with someone romantically and/or sexually, then cool. Although I would hope this would be as safe and helpful as one would hope, with no abuse of patients or "doctors" going on.