My husband and I have the kind of relationship where we know (and talk about) every single thing in the world. This includes sex. I know exactly how many women my husband has been with (and intimate details) and he knows the same for me. Apparently, this makes us unusual.
Maybe it's because we started dating at 22 and were married at 25. We had both been in committed relationships and didn't have time to rack up high "body counts." But I had dated men in the past who were older, and they were very secretive about their number. Still, I wanted to know. I always want to know everything. Maybe it's the Master's degree in journalism that does it.
So it was shocking to me recently when I was speaking to a group of girlfriends and asking them how "high was too high" in terms of partners, and 90 percent of them hadn't even discussed it.
Details, people! I know details about my man's past love life.
It could also just be us. We're a very open couple and we discuss things other couples seem less comfortable discussing. That's just how we roll. Still, it's hard to imagine not knowing. It would kill me. And yet, I think I am in the minority.
The more I talked to friends about it, the more it seemed to be the norm. One friend said: "I do know that it's high, probably very high." From another: "He hasn't told me because he knows I'd flip out and I don't really care at this point after being together as long as we have."
I understand the reasons, but am still very surprised. No matter how high the number was, I would want to know. The truth is, one's "number" says a bit about them. When you're young, it can just indicate how many long-term relationships you're in, but as you get older, it might start to indicate more. Too low and a man would probably not be as sexual as I would want and too high and he might potentially cheat on me (actually, one can look at both numbers that way).
In the end, the "number" matters less than the person, of course. Anyone can put any number into their past and leave it there. But I would still want to know.
Do you know how many your man has been with?
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