The Shocking Thing Most Don't Know About Their Spouse

76

My husband and I have the kind of relationship where we know (and talk about) every single thing in the world. This includes sex. I know exactly how many women my husband has been with (and intimate details) and he knows the same for me. Apparently, this makes us unusual.

Maybe it's because we started dating at 22 and were married at 25. We had both been in committed relationships and didn't have time to rack up high "body counts." But I had dated men in the past who were older, and they were very secretive about their number. Still, I wanted to know. I always want to know everything. Maybe it's the Master's degree in journalism that does it.

So it was shocking to me recently when I was speaking to a group of girlfriends and asking them how "high was too high" in terms of partners, and 90 percent of them hadn't even discussed it.

Details, people! I know details about my man's past love life.

It could also just be us. We're a very open couple and we discuss things other couples seem less comfortable discussing. That's just how we roll. Still, it's hard to imagine not knowing. It would kill me. And yet, I think I am in the minority.

The more I talked to friends about it, the more it seemed to be the norm. One friend said: "I do know that it's high, probably very high." From another: "He hasn't told me because he knows I'd flip out and I don't really care at this point after being together as long as we have."

I understand the reasons, but am still very surprised. No matter how high the number was, I would want to know. The truth is, one's "number" says a bit about them. When you're young, it can just indicate how many long-term relationships you're in, but as you get older, it might start to indicate more. Too low and a man would probably not be as sexual as I would want and too high and he might potentially cheat on me (actually, one can look at both numbers that way).

In the end, the "number" matters less than the person, of course. Anyone can put any number into their past and leave it there. But I would still want to know.

Do you know how many your man has been with?


Image via lrargerich/Flickr

sex, marriage

76 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar blh

Im with you. I don't particularly like thinking about him being with other girls but I HAD to know. Although his is kinda high just for how young we were when we got teether but its not like fifty people....I couldn't have sex with someone like that

SandM... SandMsMama

I'm a very jealous person, so talking about things like that makes me angry. not really at him, but the other girls he's been with. we got married at 19 so we didn't have much time to sleep around either

cassi... cassie_kellison

yes. We got together at 15 and he had been with one girl before me. He is my only. We would be open about past gf/bf if there were any. I knew about the other girl before we ever had sex.

L1558 L1558

I have a higher count than my husband. It was the second marriage for both of us so we don't expect a whole lot of fairy tale stuff. I asked, he was honest. He asked, I was honest.


Some people care, some people don't (well, not enough to ask or to push the envelope, I guess).

dirti... dirtiekittie

i know my hubby's number. it doesn't bother me one way or the other as he's all mine! :)

Kiwis... Kiwismommy19

I'm nosy, I like to know everything about everyone. So, yeah, we've talked about that. And I believe everything else under the sun :-)

jasmi... jasmineg86

i dont need or want to know numbers... my main concerns: is it truly in the past? was it safe? and are there any lingering health issues i need to know about? basically just the things that will affect me/our relationship. i dont see the value in knowing every detail. *shrug*

nonmember avatar Stephanie

I completely disagree with this article. Counting the number of people you've been intimate with, and comparing it to other women is just another way that men can make us feel like sluts. There is nothing slutty about consensual sex among adults. In my opinion, it is much sluttier to sleep with someone multiple times so your "number" won't increase despite the fact that you may not want to sleep with him anymore.

Plus, you may have a difficult time finding a man who's number is near or less than yours. This will drive most women crazy.

I don't know my man's number, and I am completely fine with it. Why would I want to think about him sleeping with anyone besides me? Especially if I wasn't in his life at the time?

My number is probably higher than most, and dang it that is fine! No one is going to make me feel like a slut for having a healthy sex life.

Heather Dawkins

I, like you want to know everything!~ I want to know how many, when, where, what made him interested in her. IDK I guess Im super nosey.. but things like that matter to me. I want to know we have a better relationship as well as different from what he's had because there is always that "what if" factor. He doesnt want to know about mine, he gets upset over the fact I even wanted someone other than him. We worked together and at that time we both had REALLY HIGH sex drives... and we werent monogamous so I dont mind sharing but he's not extremely open to sharing. I think if you arent with those people and we discuss it maybe our relationship will be stronger and we can work out issues.  Its a constant issue with us.. but in discussions I still like to know details of past relationships as well as sexual partners. I want to know the kind of women he was interested in and if it changed over time.

navyma23 navyma23

I don't know, and don't want to know. No other people mattered before me, so I could careless about them. Plus knowing about old girlfriends and what they did is just weird. 

1-10 of 76 comments 12345 Last
F