I am a stickler for manners. I’ve written a lot about it, largely because it’s a topic that gets me fired up. Maybe if I didn’t run across so many examples of bad behavior, I wouldn’t have so much ammo. But, since I’m still a-typin’ and you’re still a-readin’, you can guess that I do.
Alas, single gals can multiply those experiences many times over — and the longer you’ve been in the dating game, the more nightmarish tales you can come up with. I recently went to a mixer with women who didn’t really know each other but you know what got the conversation started? A laughter-filled exchange of dating horror stories. Turned out to be the ultimate ice breaker because we all had one. Or two. Or five.
Wrought from personal drama and friend’s experiences on the frontlines of failed romance, here are some — but certainly not all — dating no-no’s for guys.
8. Ending up by pure happenstance at any establishment owned, operated, frequented, or waitressed by an old flame is sure to put a damper on the stretch of time spent together. If at all possible, take your date to one of the 50 million other places in the city or town where that woman will likely not be.*
7. If you must unearth leftover particles of food from your teeth and gums, the best way to do it is to excuse yourself from the table and go to the bathroom to dislodge the offending debris. Resist the urge to use the corner of the menu or the cardboard teepee advertising the Sunday morning brunch special to pick it out — especially if you have a habit of spitting the shards onto the floor.*
6. Breaking out into sobs while heaving and snotting your way through a story that smacks of a hit country song about your repossessed car, your foreclosed mortgage, and your impending divorce generally does not make for good chit chat. Asking for cab fare to get home tends to make that worse.*
5. Pulling out a cell phone to text someone, anyone else is typically pretty rude. Pulling out a cell phone to text your wife so she’ll stop calling usually spells sudden death for the date.*
4. Sliding the waitresses tip between her breasts and then encouraging your heterosexual date to do the same is not a good idea. There really is no need to elaborate here. It’s just not. a. good. idea.*
3. Before bringing your two small children on a romantic dinner for two, please inform the woman you’re going out with that 1) they will be accompanying you and 2) you have two small children in the first place.*
2. Discovering you forgot your wallet after you wolfed down an appetizer, three pricey drinks, and a steak-and-seafood entrée can happen — but it probably shouldn’t. Forgetting to pay back the money you promised to give to the date you stuck with the tab after you talked to her everyday for the next three months is a little suspicious.*
1. With the exception of a hand from a glove or an arm from a jacket sleeve, there is never, ever, never, ever an excuse for pulling out any part of your anatomy that is covered by clothing. If it was concealed by fabric when the date started, please ensure it remains that way for the duration of the outing. Especially if a zipper is involved.*
*Just to confirm—based on real-life experience.
So let’s hear it: what’s the worst thing that ever happened to you on a date?
Image via greggoconnell/Flickr