Women Popping the Question Is Bad for Relationships


woman proposing to a manThe women's movement has made it easier for us to crush through many a glass ceiling, have children if and when we want, and enjoy casual hook-ups, but one effect doesn't exactly seem like something to celebrate: More women are popping the question. According to a poll from the online dating site Swoon, one in 10 gals have asked their guy to tie the knot, because they were fed up with waiting for him to do it himself. Gah!

I'm sure there are instances where it makes sense, and the woman feels totally confident in her decision to be the one to propose marriage. More power to those women! But in most cases, I would think asking him yourself is a major bummer. 

For one, it's probably the opposite of empowering.

Most of my close female friends who live with their significant others do enough for their guys as it is, i.e., at least 50 percent of the housework/chores, most of the grocery shopping and cooking, etc., all while working their own jobs. Having to propose yourself seems almost like saying, "Sure, honey, I'm willing to take on ALL the work -- including asking you to be my husband." Screw that! The least a guy can do is make up his own mind to get married, plan the proposal, and get on one knee!

Plus, don't we really want to know that he made up his mind to ask, "Will you be my wife?" Wouldn't you always wonder if/when/how he would have done it himself? I would.

I know I'm on to something here, because even Swoon backs me up. They found 75 percent of women who asked their men to marry them "wished their partner had beaten them to it." Uh, duh!

It's not anti-feminist to allow your guy to take the initiative sometimes. It's the same thing as letting him be the one to get you flowers or enjoying when he's the one initiating a good time in bed. Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger has preached it, and I agree -- there are certain times we need to let our guys wear the pants and lead the way. He'll feel more secure and, therefore, happier, and in turn, so will you. It's a relationship win-win.

That said, you can call me old-fashioned, but I can't help but think most women will be more satisfied -- and their relationships will be better off -- if they let marriage proposals remain a man's job.

Are you for or against women popping the question?

Image via prayitno/Flickr

commitment, love, marriage


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Rachel Schiller

I'm shocked that Janelle didn't write this.


parri... parrishsky

I asked my husband to marry me.... 22 years ago. We're still happily married. I just knew he was the one, the moment was more than right and I have no regrets. My husband is a man's man but if you understand how a well balanced relationship works you will notice that there is no reason to hold back if the timing is right. There were many roles he took that some men won't even consider, like rocking our children to sleep or reading to them... Some men won't even change a diaper, mine did it all without one complaint. Balance and honesty, that's what marriage really is... it doesn't matter who popped the question.

Colet... Colette923

I agree with parrishsky. I asked my fiance to marry me and we just had our first baby and are deliriously happy.

Ryan Elizabeth Williams

I would never propose BUT I don't see anything wrong with it...women AND men regret proposals.

tweet... tweetyphilpott

This is so funny. no word of a lie . i just ask my man to marry me :) :) :) :) we have a very man  woman role relationship but i wanted to take the pressure off. see we cant afford to get married and i know he was feeling the pressure of a ring even though i told him to get me a gem stone ring. he still wants to get me the real deal. so i made him a ring. he loves gifts that are from the heart, its maybe cheesy but he loved it and i even said when he can he can ask me.he was very touched and happy. and we are going to celebrate this weekend. i know we re secure in our relationship and we both wanted the same thing so i know it wont negativly affect our relationship. i say if you BOTH know for sure and have taled about it seriously talked about and you know your man then go for it and ask him. 

bree4 bree4

Women should not ask men to mrry them. This is part of the problem with the Women's Lib Movement. A man should always ask the woman to marry him.

witch... witchkiss

My husband and I decided to get married. There was no proposal, no big wedding. It was sooooo simple and stress-free. Romance is best done on a daily basis, not saved up for one big sweeping romantic gesture and then stop having sex like "normal" married people.It's like blowing your load in one shot.

That said, the only time this should happen is when they are perfectly satisfied being not married, but need to get married for tax reasons.


CoolR... CoolRelax

If it works for you...do it.  Not my style, though.  If my husband was waiting on me to ask him we'd still be dating.

L1558 L1558

I'm from the South, too, and I think either way is absolutely fine. 

The idea of a "man-wife" staying home with the kids and cooking dinner....was that a joke? Because it's called being a "husband" and pitching in. Again, either parent staying home or helping with dinner is a good thing.

It's a partnership. Both partners are equal. The sooner we catch on to that, the sooner we can all just chill out and appreciate each other.

nonmember avatar guest_

Uh,i wouldn't look for this to be a trend anytime soon.Especially considering the fact that "most" women (even in this modern-era) still refuse to even ask a guy out (fact).

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