There's No Such Thing as 'The One'


married couple holding handsBeing brought up on a healthy diet of fairy tales, The Disney Channel, primetime soaps, and chick flicks does a number on your psyche. You come to believe that destiny and fate play a part in just about everything ... but mostly in love. You ask and answer questions like, "Is he The One?" with grave sincerity. Because you've been trained your whole life to narrow love's battlefield down to the single person who will make you the happiest you've ever been -- and will continue to do so for a lifetime of forever and ever. Or so you think.

That's until you grow up and realize love and life aren't so black and white. We're not presented with a bunch of frogs and just ONE prince or princess.

In reality, there has to be more than one. But the one you end up with is the one you choose of your own volition.

A married friend and I were discussing this recently. She said she and her husband think there are probably several different people out there in the world they could have been compatible and happy with as partners. But they made the conscious decision to commit to one another. She explained, "What if G-d forbid my husband died tomorrow? Would it mean that I was supposed to be alone for the rest of my life, because he was The One?" She makes a really valid point, right?

And I appreciated her insight, because I think it's a sham when people say you "just know" and "don't have to question" that the person you marry is The Ultimate Only #1 Destined Person For You. What you do "just know" and should know is that you love that person and that you want to commit yourself to a monogamous relationship with them for the rest of your life. You can't 100 percent positively know that they're the only person you could be happy with. Not only is that concept unrealistic and limiting, but it works under the assumption that we're living a Matrix-like existence or are marionettes and some "greater power" is pulling the strings.

Not to mention how the search for fated "perfection" can paralyze us from moving forward or working through challenges our relationships are bound to present us. (How many divorces happen, because people have an unrealistic view of what the ultimate relationship should be? They mistakenly believe that if their relationship truly were a "destined" fairy tale, there wouldn't be bumps in the road?)

Even though I still appreciate the idea of destiny and believe it plays some part in who we end up with, I'm just now starting to realize that making the conscious decision to be with someone might be even more romantic as being "meant to be." In many ways, there's more power in knowing you made up your mind that your partner will be "The One."

Do you believe in The One?



Image via Mariola!/Flickr

commitment, marriage, love


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jonellg jonellg

I think there is "the one" and if more people would wait instead of marrying the first shmuck who makes them smile they would find him/her. 

nonmember avatar L

jonellg- the author did not mention marrying "the first person" who made them smile. she simply brought awareness to the wedding fantasy being propelled by society.

Beths... Bethsunshine

Yes, I do and I've been married to him for almost 16 years!!

LikeA... LikeAVirgin

I believe that "the one" does exist! But I also believe in fate. There probably is more than one person in the world who you could be compatible with, but you didn't come across them did you? So yes I think there is a special someone for each of us.

Allison Priest Leonard

There are most likely more than one person you can be compatible and happy with, but I do think that everything happens for a reason and it is part of God's plan. For example, my grandpa was twice-widowed and is married again. Was his first wife (my grandma) the one? Yes, but so were the next two wives. He loves them all and was meant to be with all of them.

Michelle Swift Wardwell

I don't believe in "The One" but I do believe that I've found a rare man in this world who makes my blood sizzle, my heart faint and my soul happy. There have been others who have touched on all those, and I'm sure there's others out there who could as well but this is the one I've decided I need in my life, I need to have children with and I need to make his life better. It took me 31years to meet him, we've been together two years now, expecting a son in November and my life feels more complete than it ever has. That's "The One" enough for me.

hempm... hempmommy87

Of course we could all be compatible with tons of people and be happy with them but I I believe there is a One you really do Just Know and you feel no need to look any further. Corny? Yes, I know but that's just how I feel :)

mount... mountainmommy37

Believing you're with the right person, "the one", is all about faith.  You have to have faith in God, yourself, and your husband.  Sometimes your path in life includes more than one "the ones".  Depends on your season in life.

nonmember avatar molly

Sure, there are probably multiple people I could spend my life with but I also believe in soul mates. My mom always said, "When you know, you know" and it's so true! I knew the first time I met my husband that I would marry him. Within minutes of meeting him I felt at home. The first time we parted I felt my soul rip in half and half went with him. And that's coming from an atheist! Sure, he drives me crazy and we have to work on our relationship just like you do with any relationshp, but we are so meant for each other. We have a stronger relationship than almost everyone we know. I don't know if soulmates come in pairs or if there are a handful of people I would have experienced that with, but I definitely believe they exist! And if you don't *know*, well.... When you know, you know.

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