Obsessing Over Exes Will Wreck Your Life

Maressa Brown

women catfightingDay care operator Natasha Larson may have seemed like a normal 34-year-old living in Sarasota, Florida. That was until she decided to place an ad on Craigslist, soliciting rough (oh yes, it was specified!) sex, but instead of using her own contact info, gave her husband's ex-wife's address and phone number. As you can imagine, the hubby's ex received "unannounced visits from men ... as well as phone calls and 'pornographic' text messages."

For the "prank" (that's what she's calling it anyway) she pulled, Larson was placed in custody by the police on a felony charge of fraudulent use of personal identification and information. True and beyond screwed-up story, right? But also an extreme example of what can happen when someone becomes fixated on their significant other's ex!

It can happen to best of us! One of my close friends recently told me how she once found herself obsessing over a boyfriend's ex. She admitted that in the long-ago, now-defunct relationship, she would frequently worry that her boyfriend would hang out with his ex when he visited his hometown. Or perhaps he'd run into her in the supermarket and strike up a conversation. In retrospect, she realizes it was silly, but at the time, she was consumed with these thoughts about her guy's ex-girlfriend. 

And obviously infatuation with your guy's ex can only point to one thing -- insecurity about the relationship. In my friend's case, her lack of trust in her old boyfriend manifested in the form of ex-obsession, and in the end, it was clear the relationship was a dud. (I'd argue it was really the guy who was the dud, cuz my friend is a gem.)

Sure, we all have the passing, perhaps jealousy-tinged thought about our SO's past life. But whether or not we get hung up on it, allow it to fester into something angry and out-of-hand has less to do with the ex and more to do with what's going on in the relationship.

Maybe it says something about my parents' solid 35-year marriage that my mom has just laughed whenever I've asked her about my dad's high school and college-era relationships. She practically jokes about that one serious girlfriend my dad had pre-1972. My mom has never seemed to care, and I realize that's because she's always known my dad was and is still completely devoted to her. So why should she care?

That's all there is to it. If a guy is truly yours, he's truly yours ... now. He's not thinking about his ex, and if you're not thinking about your ex, then it's all good. There's nothing to worry about. Except maybe your ex's current significant other coming after YOU a la Natasha Larson! AHH! 

Have you ever obsessed over your guy's ex?



Image via Gabor Cselle/Flickr

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