Last month, Kim Kardashian got engaged to her boyfriend, Kris Humphries. They'll supposedly wed in August, which is so fast it could make your head spin (while you're simultaneously contemplating whether or not she's possibly preggers). But the minuscule engagement time isn't what gets me. It's more the fact that these two barely know one another. They were dating for only six months before Kris popped the Q by spelling out "Will you marry me?" in rose petals (gag).
We all know Kim is in some kind of big damn rush to be a Mrs. (WHY, I don't know, given how "successful" other reality stars' marriages have been!) I just can't help but think that it's semi-delusional to tie the knot with someone you've known less than a year. Hey, people do it all the time. Even sis Khloe got hitched to hubs Lamar Odom just one month after they started dating. (Talk about delusional!)
All I know is this: My boyfriend and I went on vacation together in Mexico (for fun) and Canada (for my work) when we had only been dating three months. That at the time seemed like a big deal. At six months in, I think he was still refraining from farting in front of me. (Oh, those were the days!!!) At nine months was when we said "I love you," and we didn't officially move in together until we had been together a year and three months.
The case for living together before you get married is a whole different argument in itself, but let's just say I learned a lot more about my boyfriend once we shared a roof, moved together, split our rent, and learned to navigate one another's quirks and habits. 4.5 years later, I can finish his sentences and know his habits pretty well, and I'll admit I'm still learning about him. But I'm pretty sure I know what a life together would look like. At least I figure I have a far better idea now than I did six months in! Even a year or two in.
A relationship can evolve (or devolve) a lot over the course of a year ... two years ... three years. In fact, a recent study even found that three years in, people stop going out of their way to compliment their partners. We all know sex isn't the same after a year, and the study shows that's especially true after three. Not that you have to wait that long to make sure you want to get married, but it couldn't hurt to stay together a little longer to get a taste for what things will be like when they're not shiny and new.
And of course we have to grow and evolve with one another anyway, but marrying someone before you get to know them just seems like it would make that growing and evolving part even more difficult. You gotta have a solid foundation.
I'm sure there are probably some "love at first sight/first six month" fairy tales that result in a long and happy marriage. And yay for those few, brave souls! But for the rest of us -- I think we'd be crazy to follow in Kim Kardashian's rushed footsteps.
What do you consider the right amount of time to be with someone before getting married?
Image via CNDY/Flickr
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Comments 130
My grandparents had only met ONCE before my Grandpa went over in the war. They exchanged letters while he was gone and when he came home, 2 weeks later they were married. They were married, happily, until they died late last year and early this year putting them at 65 years I believe. My parents moved in together 4 months after meeting, married after 6. They are still married 33 years later. My husband and I exchanged "I love yous" two weeks after dating, got engaged 5 months after and married 11 months to the day. We just passed our 3 year anniversary and wouldn't have it any other way.
It depends on the couple. Some people can know each other for 10 years before getting married and then promptly get divorced. Just because it isn't what's right for you doesn't mean crap...
I think it's funny that a woman who has never been married is giving all this advice - 'Don't get married if you're unemployed', 'Don't get married if you haven't known each other long enough'.... 4 1/2 years with a guy, and you don't know if you want to marry him? That's a loooong time! Hubby and I knew we wanted to marry each other and have kids together within 3 months of dating. We ended up getting married about a year after meeting each other, and two weeks later our first son was born. Sometimes, you just know.
I agree with what jmomma said about you giving marriage advice and you've never been married!!! Seems like someone feels a little insecure about their relationship and is looking for ways to justify it.
My parents married 5 months after they met and they've been married for 41 1/2 years. My husband proposed 8 months after we met and we got married 6 months later and have been married for 15 and a half years. My husband knows a couple who got married 3 weeks after they met and have been married for almost 20 years.
When you've been married for a decent amount of time, Ms. Brown, then you might be qualified to give marital advice. Until then, maybe you should stick with what you know best; I'll let you know what that is when I figure it out.
First of all, celebrity marriages are a whole different breed. They rarely last more than a few years and for a Hollywood couple to celebrate a 20th anniversary is like a real life couple celebrating 50 years.
Aside from that, I don't think anyone is entitled to set some kind of standard on how long someone should be together before they wed. I know of a couple who "dated" for 10 years before getting married and they were divorced within 2 years. I know another couple who were engaged after a month and have now been married for like 6 years. And my "father" has been married 8 times...wives 2 through 7 lasted anywhere from 4 months to 2 years but he and Wife #8 are about to celebrate their 12th anniversary. And me? I was with my ex for 1.5 years before we got married and I divorced him 2 years later.
What works for one couple doesn't work for everyone else. And none of us are in any position to judge how fast or how slow a relationship is moving.
Except for celebrities...we can judge them all we want. ;) They get paid big bucks to put their lives on display (especially the Kardashians).
I agree with most of these ladies that everyone and every relationship is different. My bf and I knew we were destined to be together when we first met. We ended up not hanging out alone for 2 years and maybe it was the wait but every since that fateful night we hung out alone we have been inseperable for almost 4 years. We also started living together right away, which ended up being exactly what I needed as I became very ill 6 months after we got together and had to have a feeding tube. Let me tell you, after you've seen how a man reacts to something like that, you've got a pretty damn good idea if hes hubby material and boy is he ever! We went through a lot our first year and are def. soul mates. And I do have a promise ring :) That being said...by no means do I think that this is how it should or would go for everyone. A lot of people could not go about their relationship the way we did. It does some people a lot of good to move slower. For both of us, we've always known what we wanted and didn't waste time in pointless relationships. Everyone should follow their gut instincts and do what they feel is best for them. Heck, my parents were together 5 years before they got married and divorced when I was 2. There are no guarantees just because you wait a long time to get married.
I should add that if you think after 3 months that you are ready to get married, then you should go for it!! But I also don't think waiting a few years it bad either. To each his own.