Last month, Kim Kardashian got engaged to her boyfriend, Kris Humphries. They'll supposedly wed in August, which is so fast it could make your head spin (while you're simultaneously contemplating whether or not she's possibly preggers). But the minuscule engagement time isn't what gets me. It's more the fact that these two barely know one another. They were dating for only six months before Kris popped the Q by spelling out "Will you marry me?" in rose petals (gag).
We all know Kim is in some kind of big damn rush to be a Mrs. (WHY, I don't know, given how "successful" other reality stars' marriages have been!) I just can't help but think that it's semi-delusional to tie the knot with someone you've known less than a year. Hey, people do it all the time. Even sis Khloe got hitched to hubs Lamar Odom just one month after they started dating. (Talk about delusional!)
All I know is this: My boyfriend and I went on vacation together in Mexico (for fun) and Canada (for my work) when we had only been dating three months. That at the time seemed like a big deal. At six months in, I think he was still refraining from farting in front of me. (Oh, those were the days!!!) At nine months was when we said "I love you," and we didn't officially move in together until we had been together a year and three months.
The case for living together before you get married is a whole different argument in itself, but let's just say I learned a lot more about my boyfriend once we shared a roof, moved together, split our rent, and learned to navigate one another's quirks and habits. 4.5 years later, I can finish his sentences and know his habits pretty well, and I'll admit I'm still learning about him. But I'm pretty sure I know what a life together would look like. At least I figure I have a far better idea now than I did six months in! Even a year or two in.
A relationship can evolve (or devolve) a lot over the course of a year ... two years ... three years. In fact, a recent study even found that three years in, people stop going out of their way to compliment their partners. We all know sex isn't the same after a year, and the study shows that's especially true after three. Not that you have to wait that long to make sure you want to get married, but it couldn't hurt to stay together a little longer to get a taste for what things will be like when they're not shiny and new.
And of course we have to grow and evolve with one another anyway, but marrying someone before you get to know them just seems like it would make that growing and evolving part even more difficult. You gotta have a solid foundation.
I'm sure there are probably some "love at first sight/first six month" fairy tales that result in a long and happy marriage. And yay for those few, brave souls! But for the rest of us -- I think we'd be crazy to follow in Kim Kardashian's rushed footsteps.
What do you consider the right amount of time to be with someone before getting married?
Image via CNDY/Flickr
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Comments 130
That's YOUR RELATIONSHIP. No one knows why other people do what they do.
I think six months is long enough in many cases. If you rarely see each other then maybe not but if you spend plenty of time together, maybe take a vacation together for a couple of weeks, then that's plenty of time to decide whether this is someone you can build a life with. My husband and I were engaged at nine months, shortly after spending our entire summer break apart so about six months really together and three months long distance relationship. I knew three months in that we would be together forever and he came to that conclusion over the summer. We were engaged for almost three years because his father had very strong opinions about people getting married in college so we waited till we were finished classes although not till after graduation. We recently celebrated our tenth anniversary so clearly we made a good choice.
It's funny that the title of this is "Why you shouldn't marry someone you've known less than a year" but then the only couple you actually cite in this article that did get married after knowing each other less than a year are still together....
Anyway, different people are different. I don't think there's a "one size fits all" guideline for how long you have to know someone to marry them. My in-laws met one year before they were married and just celebrated 36 years of marriage. My parents met 6 months before they were married and just celebrated 30 years of marriage (2 days ago).
As for me, I dated my husband for 2 1/2 years before we were married. And now we've been married another 2 1/2 years, going strong!
My dad and mom knew each other three months and they knew it was love. They are soul-mates, meant for each other. They have been together for years and there is no end in sight. Just because something wouldn't work for you doesn't mean it wont work for others. Quit being so close minded and judgemental Mrs. Brown.
If two people are in love, let them be. It's their life, their marriage, their vows. Let them deal with their own consequences and keep your nose out of their personal life. Life is too short to be all caught up with what others are saying or doing. Hollywood or not, leave it alone and focus on yourself instead of others.
My parents knew each other three weeks and they were engaged: five months later, married-it has been 37 years. My husband and I went the more traditional route: 1yr dating, engaged, 1yr engagement then married and it has been a happy 5 years of marriage. Whatever works for you!
My husband and I only knew eachother 6 weeks before we got married. Yes, you read that right, 6 WEEKS from "Hello, nice to meet you" to "I do". We have been together almost 6 years now and still going strong. Our sex life is great, he compliments me all of the time as I do him, and we couldn't be happier. I don't think that there is a "right time" to get married. To each their own. Should some people wait and take it slow? Yes. But then you have those like my husband and I who just know that they know that they know.