Sleeping Pills Will Save Your Marriage

Lindsay Mannering
0

sleepy manA new study out of Virginia Tech may give all you sleepyheads an excuse for your poor behavior. Researchers found that men and women who had slept on average 22.39 minutes fewer than the other subjects in the study were more likely to cheat on a test they were all given the following morning. The conclusion? The less sleep you get, the more likely you are to exhibit unethical behavior.

All those bosses who are working you to the bone out there, making you pull all-nighters, might be shooting themselves in the foot. But work is one thing.

What about our love lives?

If getting less sleep provokes nefarious behavior, I don't see why this wouldn't apply to not only cheating on tests, but cheating on spouses.

The more tired we are the lower our inhibitions. Studies have already shown that the sleepy eat more ... do we have more extra-marital affairs, too? If the difference between a happy marriage and an unfaithful is 23 more minutes of sleep at night, somebody hand me a bottle of melatonin, stat. I'm going to drug anyone I suspect of cheating.

I'll be like this goodwill, albeit drug pushing, fairy who just slips couples sleeping pills to save themselves from falling into the uninhibited trap of the sleep-deprived. You won't see me coming ... I'll look like just an average girl on the street, but I'll be wearing small wings and carrying a jar of applesauce. If you see me scooping my pill-laced sauce onto plates in the New York area, you'll know that the party targeted is either sleepy, or cheating. DO NOT approach them. I'll have it all under control.

I'll likely have to get some sort of superhero outfit once things start heating up. It'll probably be a cross between Cupid and Wonder Woman and Glenda the Good Witch. I'll definitely need a wand, that's not up for debate. Maybe I'll carry my sauce in a cauldron.

Oh god. Was I day dreaming about this? Am I tired? Am I cheating?! Guess I better get some reset. Rest! Dammit.

Does this study encourage you to get more sleep?

Photo via The Welsh Poppy/Flickr

Read More