Watch any dating show, but especially ABC's The Bachelor and everyone will say they are "looking for my best friend." At this point it is a cliche. But it's a good one. The couples who marry the person they most want to be with are the couples who have the greatest chance of surviving the struggles married life will bring. Yep, it turns out the secret to good marriage is something we all learned in middle school when we had our BFFS.
Remember those gold best friendship necklaces that were broken and each friend got half? Remember late night sleepovers and telling all your secrets? Remember feeling like she was part of your family and you could not imagine going more than eight hours without talking? That's how a good marriage feels.
But what does best friendship look like?
- You always wanted sleepovers: At it's best marriage should feel like every night is a sleepover (with benefits!) Like you can't wait to get into bed and turn out the lights just so you can share all your secrets and worries from the day.
- If you were going to TP a house, you were going to do it with her: Your spouse should feel like your partner in crime. Sometimes you do things to shake things up and get out of the norm and feel like teenagers again. You are a team. Act like it!
- A fight would not break you: Fights in marriage should not be easy and they should not blow over in seconds, but they are an important part of a good marriage. My husband and I fight quite a bit, but we also make up and work things out and usually end up in a better place because of it. It works for us and improves our communication.
- No one else could make you feel so much better after a bad day: When you were sad, she would try to cheer you up with milkshakes or a funny movie or something. She cared. She wanted to see you happy. This should be the same in marriage.
- She knows ALL your secrets: There are those who think it is OK to have secrets in marriage. I am not one of them. In a successful marriage, you tell everything. Some old boyfriend email you on Facebook? Tell him. Did you think the guy at the local store was hot? Share it. It may seem weird, but the more you get used to saying everything, the less weight it will have. My husband and I trust each other implicitly because we both know the other always tells.
- You had each other's back: If a mean girl picked you as her target, you always knew you had one ally. She would never let things go and always fought your battles when you were too tired to do so. Marriage should feel the same. Even when you know you are a mess and even wrong about something, you should still support one another.
My marriage is almost identical to my Junior High best friendship (minus the whole sex and kids together thing) and I love it that way!
Is your spouse your "best friend"?