Skip the Bridesmaids if You Want to Have Friends


If you really want to torture a friend and make her hate you, by all means, make her a bridesmaid. Oh it doesn't outwardly seem like such an awful "honor," but the fact is, most women hate being bridesmaids more than five extra pounds during bikini season.

Don't believe me? Consider the phrase, "always a bridesmaid, never a bride," or the way Pippa Middleton was described as being so envious of her sister, the princess. Think of the movie Bridesmaids. The fact is, being a bridesmaid is expensive, time-consuming, and yes, sometimes even envy-inducing as well. Just ask the British bridesmaid from hell who stole all the bride's bachelorette party money and vanished.

Awesome. Of course I had my own bridesmaid from hell, too.

I was married more than eight years ago, but this woman's behavior still stings. She had been a close high school friend, but we had drifted apart. Still I remembered that she told me she would be mad if I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid. So I did, with the caveat that she was welcome to say no and I wouldn't be hurt at all.

Instead she said yes and proceeded to complain about everything, from the food we served to the cost of the dresses. She talked about me behind my back to the other bridesmaids openly (which they told me). She refused to participate in the bridal party gift to the bride, which would have cost her $20, but instead created a really awkward moment where I thanked everyone and she had to tell me it wasn't from her.

Worst of all, she sent me passive-aggressive cards talking about past relationships and basically saying, "Gee I hope this one works." The lady was insane. And by the end of it all, I (and all the other bridesmaids) hated her. Even having her stand up for me was more than I could handle. She and I haven't spoken in eight years, but even now, when I think of it, I am deeply annoyed.

The fact is, a bad bridesmaid can ruin a friendship. If I had it to do over again, I would have had my sister and my two best friends and that's it. Unless you're swimming in very good, awesome friends and can afford to buy each maid her dress for her, then my advice would be to skip the bridal party and just enjoy a drama-free wedding.

Did you have a bad bridesmaid?


Image via makelessnoise/Flickr



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nonmember avatar aclineo

i think it all comes down to the bride. if you have a thoughtful, accomodating bride who actually considers her bridesmaids' needs, then it's not so bad. on the other hand, i would never wanna be involved with a total bridezilla because those are the most torturous weddings!

Mocha... MochaCocoaBean

I selected two good friends as bridesmaids and told them to pick their own dresses (one found hers at Target for $17). Everyone was happy.

Then my mother-in-law added a groomsman (you might ask how SHE added one, but that's another story), and I was pressured to add a bridesmaid to "balance things out." Well, I regret it to this day. I asked another friend, and her behavior was crazy during and after the wedding, and since then I have cut her out of my life. But she is in all of the wedding pictures, and you can't just photoshop out a bridesmaid. 

Kimberly Virga

HAHA I totally relate. I had two of my "best friends" (lifelong friends, since we were in elementary school!) be two of my bridesmaids, and no longer talk to either of them, both of their decisions... total bitches. I now look back at my wedding pictures with disdain because they are in them.

momto... momtothemax2910

It's funny - I always hear these stories but have never experienced it in any of the weddings I've been in nor with my own. I'll count myself lucky!

nonmember avatar Cynthia

When I got married I had my best friend and my soon to be sister-in-law. I told them my colors and said pick whatever you want within those colors. They didn't have to match, didn't even have to wear the same colors, styles or even both be in dresses. I didn't care about that much. My husband had only his brother stand up for him, and that worked fine also-he got 2 ladies to walk with and when it came to the dance, one of the ladies used her spouse. Everything was fine!

nonmember avatar Brianna

I was supposed to be in two weddings this summer. One was cancelled when the groom broke up with her. The other is still on. I'm the only non-family bridesmaid, but so far it's fine. I just do what I'm told and it's really not a big deal. I live out of town so I help with what I can. I was my mom's bridesmaid too, but that was very different.

nonmember avatar Boom Boom

Having you sister stand for you can be miserable too. I had my sister and a very good friend be my bridesmaid's, I paid for their dresses and shoes, told them do their hair however they like, didn't require a bachelorette party or anything. All they were required to do was come to the dress fittings (for their dresses) and to the wedding. My sister threw fits every time we had to do a dress fitting. She hated the style of the dress (it was a plain knee length, halter top dress), so I changed hers for her. She then proceeded to scream and cry about how fat she was and refused to get fitted until after she lost 30 pounds. We only had 6 months to plan the wedding, and she never lost the weight so the dress fit her VERY poorly and she has a sour face in every single picture of her. I would have much preferred to ask two good friends than my sister.

Memph... MemphisSuzi

I did not have bridesmaids, I had my nieces and nephews be my flowergirls and ring bearers and it was adorable and drama free! 

I have been in 12 (yes, 12) weddings as bridesmaid and I can tell you that there is always one!  One who complains, complains, complains.  One was so horrible the bride actually kicked her out of the wedding right before pictures.  It was wonderful!  hehe

Lulu_B Lulu_B

I had my two sisters and my two best friends (who are like sisters). No drama, thankfully. I did have some other friends who I would have loved to have, but I had a destination wedding, and didn't want anyone to feel like they had to come if they couldn't afford it. I have also learned, from being a bridesmaid and a bride, that less is more!! You don't need 10 bridesmaids--it just ends up getting crazy. (I have been one of 12 bridesmaids. It was madness)

Stephanie Sulzbach

totally agreed. i had both of my sisters and my 2 best friends. i bought all the dresses from j crew (before there was wedding j crew) for $79/each. i wouldn't have changed a thing. it was a great day/evening and the people i wanted and the ones that really mattered to me were involved.  anyway, i'm the kinda girl who has a handful of GREAT friends. i don't really do acquaintances well. i would rather have 5 people who i really trust than 25 that i sorta know.

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