The 'Other' Woman Shouldn't Be Blamed

on June 16, 2011 at 10:39 PM

women fighting Six years after the fact, the tabloids keep pounding the Jennifer Aniston-Angelina Jolie rivalry tale, and the latest news out of Star paints a picture of a pre-Aniston-Pitt divorce cat fight between Jen and Angie. Reportedly, upon learning that Brad was getting closer to Angie, around the time of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Jen called Angelina to say "stay the hell away from my husband."

Okay, who knows if this actually happened, and why do we care now that it is very much water under the bridge? For me, it only serves to raise the question of how a woman should react when she knows her man's messing around behind her back. It drives me crazy when a woman jumps on the other woman immediately -- instead of the guy who is supposed to be committed to her.

For example, take Huma Abedin.

Has she tweeted to any of her husband's Internet GFs, threatening them to stop sexting hubby Anthony Weiner? Or Sandra Bullock. Did she call up and say, "Hey you, get your damn hands off my man!"? Again, we don't know for sure, but both of these circumstances seem kinda crazy, don't they? In most cases, it just doesn't seem to make sense to blame the other woman.

Because it's not like she FORCED your guy to be unfaithful. She didn't hypnotize him. And yes, while it would be nice to think that one woman would respect another woman's marriage or committed relationship, many times they're in the dark or being told a twisted version of the truth ("It's been over for a while," "We're separated," "I want to leave her, but I'm worried about getting custody of the kids," etc.)

Several years ago, I thought I had something special going with a guy. It didn't work out, and months later, I ended up talking to another girl who revealed that she and this guy had been hooking up at the same exact time he and I had been involved. I could have attempted to claw her eyes out, but I didn't even THINK of that. I was just sad for both of us. It wasn't her fault he hadn't been honest.

Another time, I was seeing a guy, and weeks into our involvement, he casually and in passing said he had a girlfriend. (He said something about how she gave him the magnet poetry for his fridge. Um, wow, gee -- thanks for letting me know?!) I had completely and unknowingly become the other woman. I can just imagine if his GF had called me up saying, "Stay the hell away from my man!!" I would have been taken aback and felt like crap. How was I to know he was HER man? He never told me! (And once he did, believe me, I ran like the wind.)

See what I'm saying here? With recycled gossip about Jen Aniston and Angie Jolie still dominating tabloids, this "other woman" thing is obviously well-played out. Maybe it's about time we nix the cat fights once and for all and place the blame where it belongs -- on the cheater HIMSELF.

Are women too quick to jump on "the other woman" or does she deserve it as much as a cheating guy? Have you ever unknowingly become "the other woman"?

Image via West Point Public Affairs/Flickr

About the author Maressa Brown

has enjoyed reporting and writing for a variety of entertainment and women's magazines and websites. More often than not, you'll find her blogging, reading, researching something on her iPhone, laughing, chatting at an above-"normal" volume, or getting her caffeine fix.

Filed Under: breakups, lying, love, exes, divorce, cheating

Comments (30)

GlowWorm889

on Jun 16, 2011 at 10:45 PM

She deserves it just as much if she knew the man was already married/in a relationship. Helping someone cheat is just as morally depraved as cheating itself.

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sarahAl

on Jun 16, 2011 at 11:01 PM

I truely believe that ALL parties shoulder some part of the blame in situations like this. I have been cheated on and I feel partly to blame. I don't think there is any reason to have a lenghty pity party. Feel sorry for youself for a bit then move on.

Unfortunately for celebs and other public figures, they aren't often given the opportunity to move on.

Nraw2011

on Jun 16, 2011 at 11:15 PM

While I wouldn't be inviting the other woman to meet me for drinks I doubt Id be as mad at her as I would be at my husband.

Zamaria

on Jun 16, 2011 at 11:21 PM

I wouldn't be upset with her if she didn't know he was with someone else. But if she knew, she's just as guilty as he is. I may go off on him a little more than her because he's the one that made a commitment to me, but you better believe I'm going to have a chat with her too.

cassie_kellison

on Jun 17, 2011 at 12:12 AM

See, you're talking about how you unknowingly became the other woman. Angelina Jolie and pretty much the World knew Brad Pitt was married, so she can't really play the innocent card can she?

But no I have never unknowingly been the other woman (that I know of) but seeing as how I have been with the same man since I was 15, I think the chances are pretty slim. My first reaction would be to rip the other woman's eyes out, but trust me, my man would be getting his ripped out too.

Nonmember comment from Amanda

on Jun 17, 2011 at 1:26 AM

My first husband cheated on me. I actually spoke to the girl because she was being more truthful than my husband. She was crying and apologizing to me. I told her I blamed him more than her but that she was still a horrible person. She knew we were married. She knew we had kids. He was the one with the loyality to me though. So he takes most the blame.
On a side note: after I moved out, the girl robbed him. Took his TV, x box, surround sound....everything. I thought it was funny.

shineyllamatues

on Jun 17, 2011 at 2:14 AM

My DH had an emontional thing going with a girl that he didn't even know until me so yeah she was to blame. If you are my friend on fb then u know who I am married to and how many kids we have and u still talk about being with him then U SOOOO have issues with me! If you didn't know, found out and didn't run very fast and far away then again we have issues!

Tabzthemommy

on Jun 17, 2011 at 3:41 AM

If you are dating a man and you KNOW he's married you're making the choice and taking a risk to be "jumped" on.

If you don't know.. Forgive the girl, she's probably feeling just like you.

Nonmember comment from jamie

on Jun 17, 2011 at 5:41 AM

100% Agreed!

jalaz77

on Jun 17, 2011 at 8:08 AM

I once found out I was the "other" girl! I was mortified! He was married with 2 kids. When I found out he called me and I ripped into him and told him how embarrassed I was for his wife because he is a POS. Of course he says they were split up, divorcing, blah blah blah. Thank goodness I only invested a months worth of my time and laughed at him. Never talked to him again because he lied and would always lie. Those women who know the man is married is just as much to blame as him! I was innocent and discontinued the relationship immediately.