The 'Other' Woman Shouldn't Be Blamed

Maressa Brown
30

women fightingSix years after the fact, the tabloids keep pounding the Jennifer Aniston-Angelina Jolie rivalry tale, and the latest news out of Star paints a picture of a pre-Aniston-Pitt divorce cat fight between Jen and Angie. Reportedly, upon learning that Brad was getting closer to Angie, around the time of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Jen called Angelina to say "stay the hell away from my husband."

Okay, who knows if this actually happened, and why do we care now that it is very much water under the bridge? For me, it only serves to raise the question of how a woman should react when she knows her man's messing around behind her back. It drives me crazy when a woman jumps on the other woman immediately -- instead of the guy who is supposed to be committed to her.

For example, take Huma Abedin.

Has she tweeted to any of her husband's Internet GFs, threatening them to stop sexting hubby Anthony Weiner? Or Sandra Bullock. Did she call up and say, "Hey you, get your damn hands off my man!"? Again, we don't know for sure, but both of these circumstances seem kinda crazy, don't they? In most cases, it just doesn't seem to make sense to blame the other woman.

Because it's not like she FORCED your guy to be unfaithful. She didn't hypnotize him. And yes, while it would be nice to think that one woman would respect another woman's marriage or committed relationship, many times they're in the dark or being told a twisted version of the truth ("It's been over for a while," "We're separated," "I want to leave her, but I'm worried about getting custody of the kids," etc.)

Several years ago, I thought I had something special going with a guy. It didn't work out, and months later, I ended up talking to another girl who revealed that she and this guy had been hooking up at the same exact time he and I had been involved. I could have attempted to claw her eyes out, but I didn't even THINK of that. I was just sad for both of us. It wasn't her fault he hadn't been honest.

Another time, I was seeing a guy, and weeks into our involvement, he casually and in passing said he had a girlfriend. (He said something about how she gave him the magnet poetry for his fridge. Um, wow, gee -- thanks for letting me know?!) I had completely and unknowingly become the other woman. I can just imagine if his GF had called me up saying, "Stay the hell away from my man!!" I would have been taken aback and felt like crap. How was I to know he was HER man? He never told me! (And once he did, believe me, I ran like the wind.)

See what I'm saying here? With recycled gossip about Jen Aniston and Angie Jolie still dominating tabloids, this "other woman" thing is obviously well-played out. Maybe it's about time we nix the cat fights once and for all and place the blame where it belongs -- on the cheater HIMSELF.

Are women too quick to jump on "the other woman" or does she deserve it as much as a cheating guy? Have you ever unknowingly become "the other woman"?

 

Image via West Point Public Affairs/Flickr

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