Gloria Steinem killed your libido. Yep, time to get angsty. Feminism is to blame for low female sexual desire. At least that is the reason according to neuroscientists and authors of the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment Reveals About Human Desire, Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam. They say it's biological for women to chase men and then submit to them once the chase is over -- a low libido in women may actually be the result of gender equality.
Okay. Submission? Doesn't have to be a bad thing, though, right? Well the problem is apparently that men think we're all "I am woman; hear me roar" and they expect us to take over in bed. Some women feel they should take charge -- feminism hardwired some to think that. But so many of us want our men to be dominant. So it leaves both parties confused and that can result in no sex or no desire to have sex.
To prove this theory, these two scientists turned to rats and romance novels and the rats got very excited as they read some trashy book with a Fabio-type on the cover but then they cleaned the cage instead of getting it on. Kidding. Sort of.
The female rat chases the male, does some sexual dances around him, and when she catches him, she waits for his move. The female gets submissive and wants the male to dominate. Sound familiar to some of you?
Which leads to the question, if your guy isn't taking charge in the bedroom, are you fantasizing that he will?
Sure some women are naturally dominant at work, at home, in sex, but for the majority of us, what really turns you on? Is it a partner who lays around and lets you ride the bull, or one who takes charge and shows you who's the boss? For me, it's a combination of the two. I don't want a guy who can't be on top, but I don't want to be on bottom always either.
This leads me to think that Ogas and Gaddam's research seems spotty. Especially when another study out of the University of Chicago shows that in countries where men have a dominant status over women, couples are less satisfied with their sex lives. Either way, the point is, it's okay to want to submit. Female rats do it.
And in couples where she's raking in the dough and he's playing down to the master of the house, there might be issues, because women like bad boys, and bad boys don't really roll over and play dead. But that's okay, because if this is the problem with your otherwise fantastic man, you can talk to him about it, and things can change.
There's nothing wrong with admitting you like to be taken, or on top. And if admitting it is difficult, you could always make it into a game. Keep a journal, and make a check for each time you take charge, or for each time he takes charge, during sex. When you review it, you can see if your checks balance out.
It never hurts to look at the power dynamic you've got going on with your partner.
Are you equal in the bedroom? What about outside of it?
Image via s8an/flickr