Separate Bedrooms May Save Your Marriage


Let's say you are going over to a friend's house for the first time. She's showing you around, taking you on "the tour" -- the basement they had redone, the kids' rooms with new bunk beds, her bedroom and her husband's bedroom. Whoa. Separate bedrooms? You'd think twice, right? Wonder what was up in their marriage ... but according to a new book, separate bedrooms are actually not so uncommon.

Already one in four Americans sleep in separate bedrooms or beds from their spouses. The National Association of Homebuilders predicts that by 2015, 60% of new homes will be designed with "dual master bedrooms."

Not only are they more common than you think, separate bedrooms are being suggested for couples whose marriages aren't doing so well, as a way to improve their relationship! In couples therapy? Have some bumps in the ol' marriage ... maybe you should call your contractor instead of your shrink!

The book talks about those semi-happy marriages, where it's going only kind of so-so. Switching up how you do marriage, including your sleeping arrangements, is a way to come at your relationship from a different angle.

And the whole separate bedrooms? They give a little privacy for each person and give each one a "non-marital space," which is sometimes all the couples need. I get this and you know, when things aren't working, it helps to change it up, shake the snow globe of your relationship to get the flakes floating again.

Still not sold? Well, I come from a long line of separate bedroom couples. My grandparents had separate bedrooms for most of their lives  -- and they were married 65 years, till they both passed away. My parents, who will be celebrating their 46th wedding anniversary this summer, had separate bedrooms incorporated into the home they built to retire in. Not a bad track record for separate bedrooms, I have to say!

Do you have separate bedrooms?


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divorce, love, marriage


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Pua Smith

My DH and I haven't shared a room, except occasionally in a few months. He is a very heavy sleeper and snores horribly so the only way the baby and I aren't up all night is for him to sleep on the pull out couch and I in the room.

Mamab... MamabearC

Today is our anniversary of 14 yrs. and we've never had seperate rooms and don't plan on it;we both can't sleep well when we're not in the same bed.However, all couples are different and must do what's best for them and their relationship so as long as their happy with the situation then I'm for it...

irish... irishcoffee

Works for us, and I've talked to a few people who do it and others who wish they "could."  For us it's the snoring, and getting an uninterrupted if not always peaceful night's sleep is extremely important for your health.

For those who are afraid it wi,ll wreck their sex life, not necessarily so.  Al  you are doing in seperate rooms is SLEEPING.


I've been married for 34 years and we've had separate bedrooms since the kids flew the coop. That's been almost 13 years ago now. I was up all night long tossing and turning with his snoring and constant trips to the bathroom. I LOVE MY OWN ROOM and even now on trips, we like our own sleeping space.

kjbug... kjbugsmom1517

I do see us having seperate rooms someday. I sleep tons better when my husband falls asleep on the couch.

Truel... Truelove77

going on 13 years together and honestly have slept apartonce or twice hated it :( I like feeling my husband next to me while I sleep....

Jwelch6 Jwelch6

well.... my hubby actually prefers his recliner in the LR, and I sleep in hte bed. He doesn't deal with my moving all night, and I dn't listen to him snore like a tornado all night! LOL and our marriage is strong! I love him with all my heart, I think we are just both secure in that knowledge and we know that being in hte same bed doens't make or break anyting, when it comes right down to it! To each his own! Been married a decade and looking forward to the next!

chame... chamelinmom

i remember my great grandmother seeing seporate beds, i never asked though

nonmember avatar cam

I prefer sleeping with my BF, we don't sleep well apart BUT I do enjoy having my own space where I can go and shut the door. And so does he.

sgr123 sgr123

I would rather sleep with my husband, but there are times I wish we had separate rooms.  He snores pretty bad.  He had a sleep study done and does not have apnea, so here we sit.  It's a whole lot worse when I'm pregnant, so luckily that phase of our lives is done, but I am a light sleeper anyway, so it really can be a pain to have him in the same bed.

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