New Book Says Sex Is Like Barter System (But With Bad Trade)

Nicole Fabian-Weber

dolls kissingI'll admit I'm always a little wary of relationship books. Sure, some may work, but there's something about titles (and hype) like He's Just Not That Into You and Points! Women Have Them, Men Need Them that just turn me off. I believe that we all -- however deep down -- know what's really wrong with our relationships, and somewhere -- however deep down -- have the tools to fix them. That said, I know plenty of people who swear by such books and will beg to differ.

And fine, okay. I hear you. But what I won't hear (or read) is Carolyn Evans' new book, Forty Beads: The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage, which suggests giving men -- and only men -- 40 beads that they can give to their partner, one at a time, as a caveman-like suggestion for sex. Oh, and the woman has 24 hours to respond.

The idea for the book stemmed from a last-minute gift idea Evans had for her husband's 40th birthday. Apparently, it "transformed" their marriage, and hence, Forty Beads was birthed. Now I'm not one to knock homemade gifts -- I love a good macaroni necklace -- but I don't want them turning into movements that dictate how I interact with others.

One couple interviewed on Today said the book is great because "it's an easy way without having to communicate." Exactly! This requires no communication! Where's the wining, the dining, the flirting? If I came home from a busy day at the office and had my husband hand me a bead to signify he wanted to get down and dirty, I would consider shoving it where other people use beads in the bedroom.

This is juvenile stuff here. It's like tossing someone a note in sixth grade, telling them you want to make out with them behind the tire swing. We're all adults. There shouldn't be a need for beads. And if for some reason there is, they shouldn't only go to the men.

This may come as a shock, but women want to have sex, too. If we're going to play this silly, little game, why should we be deprived of the passing of a bead? Or do we just not count? Like, if a woman initiates sex, it's not a bead, but if a man does, it counts? This is something I really, truly cannot wrap my brain around. And I've been trying.

So, as long as Forty Beads exists, I'm sticking with my non-relationship book lifestyle. But if someone comes out with Why Forty Beads Is a Really Bad Idea, I'll consider changing my mind.

What do you think of Forty Beads?


Image via Fred Hsu/Flickr

Read More