Stop Blaming Marriage for Your Problems!

48

The backlash against marriage is starting to get old. As we move toward a more modern view of marriage it seems some of our old patterns are fading away and that's a great thing, but let's not throw the baby (or the marriage) out with the bathwater!

According to the New York Times, marriage is no longer the norm. Married couples represented just 48 percent of American households in 2010. That's cool and all and hey, people should be able to do whatever makes them the happiest, but when I start to see articles like this posted on Facebook and people start to say things like "good riddance to marriage," it gives me pause because, for all its faults, I kind of love marriage.

And trust me, I am not insane (well, not totally anyway). Marriage was the best decision I ever made.

Why is marriage so awesome? For many reasons. I really like knowing we have each other's backs. My husband is always endlessly on my side even when I am acting like a crazy banshee and I know it. Even still, he is not afraid to call me out.

Marriage has provided us both with a stable base from which we can really be out in the world. We can also be more at home. Committed sex is just better sex, at least for me. There is something about knowing that you have a lifelong commitment that makes all the walls and inhibitions come down.

And when I have found marriage confining (in my younger days), I was really open and honest about that and we worked on it in our way. It was definitely not the way that would work for everyone, but I did not shut down and blame marriage itself for my restlessness. It was my problem, not marriage's, I knew we could work it out. And we did.

To me that is what marriage is: A partnership where you meet each other's needs and find ways to fulfill each other's dreams and help each other reach them.

Can marriage be confining? Sure. But it's only as confining as you let it become. We don't need to conform to anyone else's rules and you do what you can to make your marriage work, whether that is opening it up to others or closing it down. I have never cared much what others think of me, which has helped me forge my own path in everything, including marriage.

I love being married so much, I want to see everyone be able to feel these same things. I want anyone who loves each other to be able to make the commitment they want. I want more marriages, not less!

If people opened their minds a little and acted like creative individuals, there would be less marital strife and less "ball and chain" and more "hot and hotter," but people have decided to treat marriage like a death sentence and you know what? If you think that, it will be.

Do you think marriage is awesome?

 

Image via  Cameron Nordholm/Flickr

marriage

48 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

CoolR... CoolRelax

I love marriage.  I love any relationship that's stable and committed (especially for the sake of the kids) but I really love marriage.  I love being married and knowing that my husband can't just up and leave if I'm having a bad day (or week, lol).  I love the fact that our whole family has one last name.  And I really love having a solid partner to tackle all that life has thrown at us so far.  I wouldn't feel right doing all that we have done without tying the knot legally and spiritually. 

Memph... MemphisSuzi

I love being married!  I love that we are were committed enough to stand before God and everyone and say "we will be together until death"  I take my vows seriously.  To us, it was more than a piece of paper, it was a symbol of the power of our love and connection. 


And the legal advantages worked out for us too.  My job doesnt offer medical coverage, his does.  We all have the same last name.  We arent the Jones - Smith - Johnson - Heckleberg - Davis family.  We are just "The Hardin's"  simple.  connected.  beautiful.   And I believe that when you are legally connected to someone you think a little harder, try a little harder, to make it last, to stick it out.  Why does it seem the trend these days is to NOT make the commitment?  What holds people back??

kaylaird kaylaird

I LOVE being married. SO much better than the whole "committed relationship-justl iving together, but not married" thing.


Marriage has strengthened our relationship. And our relationship has stregthened our marriage. It's wonderful and I can't imagine not being married to this amazing man, who fits me to a T. :)

rerra... rerratron

Not everyone gets legal advantages, since fewer employers offer benefits at all. The connotations of marrying in a courthouse aren't appealing for everyone, and a nice ceremony can be outrageously expensive if you aren't a DIYer with ample free time. I find it ironic that you complained that you wanted people to  "open their minds a little and act like creative individuals," yet you can't open your mind enough to see that commitment is a state of mind, not a contract. For some people, that's enough. What's it to you if other couples choose not to marry?


 


 

sunny... sunnybunny5us

I like being married to my husband because I like my new last name better than the old one, and because now other people act like they understand and respect the status of our relationship better. Our relationship and our committment have not changed though because of it. We already had that going on.


 

nonmember avatar Jen

Everyone has their own thoughts on this obviously but to me commitment doesn't equate to living together or even having kids and not being married. It says, to me anyway, that since some people never bother to make it legal, if something better comes along, or they just get tired of the current situation, they are out the door. Sure it can happen to married couples too, people change and not always for the better. But marriage separates the boyfriend/girlfriend types from those who are ready to be adults and have a legal and committed relationship. I dated, I even lived with a guy many years ago and didn't want that for the man I love so much I actually wanted to have children for the first time in my life.

If you don't want to get married it's your choice. But don't be surprised that you're not taken seriously or that your children might eventually come to feel badly about the situation you decided to have them in, with no regard for their thoughts or feelings.

zachy... zachysmommy04

I have to disagree with all the other comments. I was married at thought that it was great too.I loved being Mrs._________ Until my husband left and becuz I am  "married" to him he is screwing me every which way he can think of. I will never be married ever again. I will be in a relationship but I am looking out for myself and my children this time. And there are alot of benefits to not being married. Trust me after gettin a divorce you really reconsider things.

Freela Freela

I've been married to my dh for thirteen years this August.  We have 3 wonderful kids and still love each other, so I say we're doing pretty well!  That being said, it's the relationship we've built and not a piece of paper stating 'married' that make our commitment what it is.  I don't think our relationship would be different without that piece of paper, and I don't think the piece of paper defines the relationship.

cmari... cmarie452

I have the same relationship with my partner that a married couple has, without the  marraige.  It is possible to be just as committed without getting married.  Gay couples have been doing it for years.  I've been with my partner for 10 years.  We were each other's first real relationship and we've been through everything together.  Medical school, 2 moves to 2 different sides of the country, losing family members, poverty, parenthood, etc. The thing about marraige is, I would never marry someone to create that type of relationship because marraige doesn't guarantee that your partner is truly committed. If it ever becomes legal for us to marry we will, but not because we need it to make our relationship committed and solid, we've been doing that for 10+ years.  Maybe you should try to be a little more open-minded. Marraige is not the ultimate committment.

Lia Yeager Freitas

I don't think you need the paper of marriage to have all the things you talked about. I am not married but I am in a committed relationship and the only that is missing is that piece of paper.

I was married before and this time around is so much better and so different.

I agree....marriage is not the ultimate committment.

1-10 of 48 comments 12345 Last
F