Stop Blaming Marriage for Your Problems!

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The backlash against marriage is starting to get old. As we move toward a more modern view of marriage it seems some of our old patterns are fading away and that's a great thing, but let's not throw the baby (or the marriage) out with the bathwater!

According to the New York Times, marriage is no longer the norm. Married couples represented just 48 percent of American households in 2010. That's cool and all and hey, people should be able to do whatever makes them the happiest, but when I start to see articles like this posted on Facebook and people start to say things like "good riddance to marriage," it gives me pause because, for all its faults, I kind of love marriage.

And trust me, I am not insane (well, not totally anyway). Marriage was the best decision I ever made.

Why is marriage so awesome? For many reasons. I really like knowing we have each other's backs. My husband is always endlessly on my side even when I am acting like a crazy banshee and I know it. Even still, he is not afraid to call me out.

Marriage has provided us both with a stable base from which we can really be out in the world. We can also be more at home. Committed sex is just better sex, at least for me. There is something about knowing that you have a lifelong commitment that makes all the walls and inhibitions come down.

And when I have found marriage confining (in my younger days), I was really open and honest about that and we worked on it in our way. It was definitely not the way that would work for everyone, but I did not shut down and blame marriage itself for my restlessness. It was my problem, not marriage's, I knew we could work it out. And we did.

To me that is what marriage is: A partnership where you meet each other's needs and find ways to fulfill each other's dreams and help each other reach them.

Can marriage be confining? Sure. But it's only as confining as you let it become. We don't need to conform to anyone else's rules and you do what you can to make your marriage work, whether that is opening it up to others or closing it down. I have never cared much what others think of me, which has helped me forge my own path in everything, including marriage.

I love being married so much, I want to see everyone be able to feel these same things. I want anyone who loves each other to be able to make the commitment they want. I want more marriages, not less!

If people opened their minds a little and acted like creative individuals, there would be less marital strife and less "ball and chain" and more "hot and hotter," but people have decided to treat marriage like a death sentence and you know what? If you think that, it will be.

Do you think marriage is awesome?

 

Image via  Cameron Nordholm/Flickr

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