Sex isn't all that complicated. It's a biological urge, something we should all know how to do just by instinct, but any woman who has been with a man fumbling around to unhook her bra and appear so suave at the same time also knows perfectly well that it isn't.
It seems a lifetime of porn and bad advice from older brothers has rendered men incapable of knowing what we like sexually. We ladies aren't doing ourselves any favors by being afraid to speak up. Over on Alternet, they have a list of "5 Surprising Things About Sex Women Might Be Scared to Tell Men," such as endurance is overrated (Yes! Yes! Yes!) and "we actually know what will get us to orgasm." Indeed.
So, for you poor guys who are still in the dark, I have asked around and compiled a list of the 10 things we wish you guys knew about sex (and about us). Here they are:
- Boobs = attached: Yes, they're pretty and cool, but much like your testicles, they ARE attached. There is no reason to push and pull and twist to prove anything.
- Use your tongue: When you have your head in our nether regions, forget everything you learned in porn. Sticking your face in and shaking like a wet dog is not hot. Repeat: NOT HOT.
- Foreplay: Everything you have heard about women needing more than five seconds before you take the plunge? Is TRUE. Dude, our engines need revving. We don't enjoy the gas being hit too quickly. Remember this, please, for the love of god.
- Stop asking us: There are few things more annoying than being in the throes of passion and having some overeager partner who keeps asking, "Are you gonna come?" Dude, it's great that you care about our pleasure, but we'll let you know. But you just lost a minute to your overeager questioning. Any more and we will have to cancel it altogether.
- Lube it, love it: It doesn't mean you failed, but if you want to play around, use some lube to get things started. No, many women don't appreciate fingers being pushed into them at a rapid pace (aka "finger banging"), but they may try it with some lube. Without it? Ouch!
- You aren't 15: Honking, motor-boating, and other adolescent boy behavior is simply not hot. Yes, it's fun to laugh during sex, but we don't need to be exposed to you acting a fool. We graduated from high school for a reason.
- Cold hands = bad: There is nothing worse than getting all hot and heavy and having your hands be freezing on our skin. Get some blood flowing! Put on circulation gloves! You'll be rewarded.
- Don't try to impress us: We can tell when you're trying to be "smooth." The one-handed bra trick? Doesn't do it for us. Focus that energy on doing what comes naturally.
- All women are different: Casual sex is casual for a reason. You don't really have mind-blowing sex with a guy who is fumbling about for the right way to touch you. For that, you need someone who knows (and cares) what you like. So take the time to learn us. We promise you'll be glad you did.
- Don't be afraid of sex toys: We may not bring it up, but if you bring a vibrator to bed, we WILL thank you. Promise.
It may seem like women need to speak up and you know what? You're right! We do. If we want better sex, we need to be comfortable saying these things. Communication is the key to better sex. So remember to open your mouth and talk, too.
What do you wish men knew?
Image via thekirbster/Flickr