5 Rare Times Men Will Refuse to Have Sex

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The world of romance has its eyes on England this week. But why should the blue-bloods have all the fun? It's as good a week as any for old-fashioned, democratic ugly-bumping. Let Ask Dad be your George Washington, and lead your love revolution:

Dear Ask Dad, is there ever a time when a man really, truly doesn't want to have sex?

You're right to believe it's uncommon -- as rare as non-white people at the royal wedding. Even times when you might expect a man wouldn't want it -- he's exhausted from work, he's got a nasty cold -- he'll totally do it anyway. This gets at a theory I've expressed here before: Men tend to use sex in order to feel good, like drugs, where women tend to use it to celebrate when they're already feeling good, like champagne.

But it gets even more tricky with men, who are every bit as complicated as the ladies, despite having simpler parts. As renowned relationship expert Louis CK says, we can have sex not only when we don't like you -- everybody knows that -- but even if we don't want to.

Just a quick rub of the hand, and a quick tap into the mental library, and we're good to go. (Louis says it doesn't matter if it's a donkey with a rusty keyhole glued to its butt. I'd draw the line somewhere before that.) Contrary to popular belief, a dude can totally fake an orgasm, especially when there's a condom involved. It's rare, but it happens, and for the same reason as it happens with the ladies. A desire to get it over with, and to spare your feelings. Men are sucky actors and liars, but they can do it in situations where no one would expect them to be lying. So even if he goes for it and does you, he may not have felt like it in the first place.

Here are some times when he may not be really feeling it:

  • Period Time: Some men just don't want to part the Red Sea, and they'd rather not think of your vag as though it were the elevator from The Shining. Many others of us think these men are silly, but they do exist, and if you get one, be wary. Chances are he'll be a nightmare in the delivery room come baby time.
  • Super Bowl Sunday: If you've got yourself a nice, sports-hating hipster or professor, you're fine on this one. But if your man is any part jock, chances are he couldn't bear to be away from the big party. The next Super Bowl is a long way off, but I challenge you ladies to start reaching into his pants while the game's on, and see what happens. I had the worst situation with a former girlfriend. I was a hipster type on the outside, but had a serious jock streak on the inside, and I promised her I'd always do it with her over watching the Super Bowl. I got nervous every January, but she never tested me. However, if you've got a man who won't sleep with you because some regular season game is on, on some average Sunday in October, he's an idiot. 
  • When He's Got a Big Fight Coming Up: The old wives' tale that boxers shouldn't take a dive in the kiddy pool in the week or so leading up to a big fight is still widely believed. So if you happen to be married to Oscar de la Hoya or Manny Pacquiao, you may be out of luck in your room at the MGM Las Vegas on the night before fight night. 
  • When Your Parents Are Nearby: Nearly every man was spanking it with nothing but a thin wall between himself and his mother and father since he was 12, so being at his parents' house or having them over to visit probably won't be a hindrance. But if he's worried that your parents -- especially your scary dad -- are in earshot, he could go limp-as-ramen.
  • When the Wrong Pet Is in the Room: Cats can scratch things. In fact, some cats, who maybe are angry that a man has come over and invaded the space she shared with her lady, may even wait for the perfect naked moment to take a big swipe at that vulnerable man. And the man may be permanently scarred and frightened. But even more scarring and frightening is this fact: Dogs can lick things. I'm not going to say any more about that.   


Image via Flickr.com/ColinDavis

ask dad, sex, sex drive, royal wedding, romance tip

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blue_... blue_glass_mama

My SO is the first one--scared of period time---he is so freaked out when I get my period he doesn't want to cuddle, kiss, or even rub my back, (he rubs my back everyday WTH), he doesn't hold my hand, or anything, he has even tried to sleep on the couch those few days. I don't know what his problem is.. he said oh I don't want to hurt you----its my period not a huge full body open wound---hes nuts. And he did fine in the delivery room with his ex wife( I am not having anymore kids). he is just NUTS

JessL... JessLogansMommy

I think when the kids have given you  a real bad evening should be added to that list.  After screaming and temper tantrums when you're all covered in snot and pasta sauce you need some time to wind down first.  

Kat.M. Kat.M.

My SO doesn't mind when I'm in my period, I'm the one who is embarrassed by my period, we've also done it when my parents are sleeping, and when the dog is in the room, very akward since the dog wouldn't stop staring://

Saras... Sarasahmof3

When he is so tired he can not even see straight.  There have been times when we have looked at each other and have fallen asleep. Kids can really drain the energy right out of you.

kjbug... kjbugsmom1517

Lol@dogs lick things! That's hilarious! I obviously am not a pet owner lol. My husband is almost always willing and ready. He even wouldn't care if I was ragging. I however draw the line at that.

nonmember avatar Fruitcake

None of this applies to my horny husband. He wants it all of the time...and we have been married for almost 14 years and have two kids! When I used to have my monthly, we just did it in the shower. If his parents are here visiting, we do it in the closet, which is further away from their room. Super Bowl Sunday? Huge turn on for him. We have even had sex with a dog humping his leg. We laughed the whole time. I am allergic to cats, so that is not an issue. Before a big game or test at work, sex relaxes him and he does better. Seriously, he will go at it ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. He loves his garage, tents, campers, trucks, anyplace. He especially loves camping sex outside. He makes me laugh just thinking about how he is. Damn, I love that man. I am a bit freaked out thinking about my kids inheriting that libido...

nonmember avatar D

or...if you husband plays World of Warcraft. I get turned down all the time for the sake of a dungeon or a raid party. It's pathetic.

momma... mommacatof3

I'm still laughing over the cat comment at the end of the article. lol!

AMom29 AMom29

D, I hear you.  Different game, same outcome.  My husband would rather play video games then have sex.  He'd rather sleep than have sex.  None of the silly reasons above apply to him -- sex is just not a priority.

imasu... imasurvivor

OMG!


I almost totally forgot this ever happened until reading the last one "When The Wrong Pet Is In The Room"


Early in my previous marriage, while giving my husband a BJ...my 4wk old kitten attacked his (eh hem) balls...pouncing at them with her claws & taking a big old black & blue leaving "CHoOoMP" out of them!


She hadn't had her shots yet, so I had to call a nurse friend of mine & tell her what happened to find out if I should take him to the hospital or not...


sidesplittinglaughterBLAaaaHAHAHAHA...funny now, but not so much back then! (Well, for him anyways!)


  

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