All the hip wives are doin' it ... that sexy trick they're pulling on their husbands that's supposedly the best way to put some pep in a sex life gone from fizzy to flat. You don't need to spend money (not much at least) or do anything too freaky (well, it depends). All you have to do is make like the first settlers and barter. (Or, in layman's terms, whore yourself out.) So suggests mom blogger Kelly Oxford in her new essay on GQ.com.
Her super-candid piece, which encourages couples to "put sexual favors on the table and start negotiating," shares how she and her hubs fire up things up in bed by trading chores or wish list items for various sex acts. It works like this: Say you want to go get a mani-pedi with your BFF on Saturday, but the kids don't have a playdate scheduled this weekend. You can get DH to skip golf with the boys and watch the kiddos ... to the tune of one mid-night blowjob! Or, say you want a nice new handbag? Just agree to a Brazilian wax!
Is it just me -- am I being a buzzkill -- or is sex bartering kind of sad? I know people are busy. I am busy. My boyfriend is busy. We are busy. I barely put down my laptop some nights, because I'm writing up a storm, and of course, those are the same nights he comes home from a 12-hour day, and then dinner has to be made, the trash needs to be taken out, bills have to be paid, yadda yadda. And we don't even have kids yet! So I can just imagine that once you do have youngins under your roof, it gets even more difficult to make time for sex. I've heard it from friends and strangers again and again.
I also know that things can get old after a while when you're in a monogamous relationship. But I'm not sure if doing your best impression of hooker with a heart of gold Vivian (aka Julia Roberts) negotiating a humpty dance for a shopping spree is really the best way to retrieve those early day tingles and thrills. What about having sex for the sake of ... having sex? For the sake of feeling closer to your partner, more intimate? Because you know it's good for your relationship's well-being. Because it makes you both feel amazing in the moment and leaves you feeling relaxed after? Or maybe just because orgasms rock?
Also, if a husband is jumping at the chance to do domestic deeds for a shot at some play from his wife, I guess she hadn't been giving it up much before now? Or hasn't been open-minded to some of his requests? What about women who have been trying to keep the physical side of their relationship alive all along? You can't really hold something over a guy's head that he's already used to getting.
Maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe the whole point of sex bartering is that it can give you or your spouse a sexy incentive to actually do the dishes or take the kids to soccer practice. Because if the only reason you're giving it up for your honey is so you can get him to pick up "a box of ice cream sandwiches, a copy of W magazine, and a bottle of Essie nail polish" (what Oxford once traded for a three-position sex session), your priorities are seriously out of whack.
Do you and your guy participate in sex bartering? Would you?
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Comments 14
I've done this with my husband for years and in NO way do I feel 'sad' or like a 'hooker'
He gets turned on by doing the 'man' duty in order to 'win' his prize... and I feel great that he's out there showing me he appreciates the work I put into a sex session. It doesn't happen every day! Or every month! But it's there and when it pops up, it's great and fun.
Yeah, even if it is for a box of ice cream sandwiches.
You can see how this type of thing could be destructive and, yes, absolutely sad and pathetic.
But the person who wrote the article touched on that
Hmm, I read the same article as you did and I think the main point was this:
Get sex back into the couple's dialogue.
Clearly you have to have a great relationship for this to work, and it's a fun game, not a lifestyle. You don't have sex in exchange for things every time you have sex. You're taking the article too seriously.
This game helps you introduce new things into the relationship.
New ideas. and new sex things = new sex and new sex = a lot of sex.
If you love your partner as I do (and that last sentence in the article makes abundantly clear) you want to please each other and you CAN try new things. Love and pleasure with respect? Nothing better.
i'm pretty sure it's just you. i think this is one of the greatest things a couple can do to make their relationship stronger. it opens communication, builds trust, makes everyone happy, and gets couples physical. in a world of WIFM this really helps everyone stay on the right track and keeps couples closer, makes everyone feel appreciated and WANTED! what's wrong with that?
I do it with my partner. Sometimes you need to give them incentive to do something. It's not like I'm offering something I wouldn't normally give, or something I wouldn't be into. If I need her to do the laundry because I just don't want to I'll try bartering with her but I wouldn't if it wasn't something I wanted as well. Sometimes it's just an excuse to get the dishes done and have the sex you want. Sometimes we barter TV shows, or games. I love playing Scrabble so I'll watch a movie I wouldn't normally want to see in exchange for a game. I don't see anything wrong. Heck, she does it too. I don't feel cheap or especially like a whore, why should I? I'm doing what I want and getting something in return. Win for me, and her.
Marjchaos, doesn't sound like you read the article!
This isn't about getting something out of someone who isn't williing.