Why I Want My Guy to Ogle Other Women


men looking cheating hootersWhether your guy is on AshleyMadison.com or somehow started an affair the old-fashioned way, there's one good reason why he's cheating on you: You don't let him look at other women ... Or so say researchers who found that men who were interrupted while admiring attractive women were more likely to cheat on their ladies if given the chance. See, if you make something "forbidden" to a human male, he will just want it even more. Their inner monologue must go something like, "Me like naked woman. Wife say NO. Me so Neanderthal me go do other woman right now." 

Guess it's just like telling a toddler they can't have McDonald's or a PMSing woman she can't have chocolate.

At first read, this research sounds like a bunch of BS, and makes me want to go off on a tirade about men acting like big babies who sadly haven't evolved in thousands of years on this planet. Then, after letting it sink in, I realized the research does have a point ...

Maybe we should make our men look so long and hard at other women that the other women get so tweaked out thinking your guy is a STALKER that they call the cops! That'll show your man! He'll be so freaked, he'll never cheat!

... Nah. Just kidding!

The crux of the issue here has less to do with "looking" and more to do with merely accepting your man for how he is: Horny.

You've heard it before -- we're not a naturally monogamous species. What is natural is for a straight man to get turned on by women (in general). Even if his heart is yours, he's gonna look at other ladies. Hopefully! I mean, if he has a libido, that is, and isn't a closet case. Or would you rather he wasn't interested in sex or ... was interested in pulling a Brokeback on you?

Sure, there are guys who take it to an extreme. There is a difference between occasionally admiring another woman vs. being a dog and perpetually drooling over other women or, God forbid, practically hitting on them. But if it's the former, I'm sure he's still respecting you, it's normal, and you should just thank your lucky stars he still has a sex drive! Trying to shut that down is a mistake.

I'm personally all for my guy looking. (That includes watching porn or the occasional trip to Hooters or a strip club.) When he checks out another woman, I'm confident that it's just a natural, healthy expression of his sex drive. He'll even tell me who he thinks is a hottie, and I'll give my take, too. (We totes agree on Mila Kunis -- not so much on Jessica Alba.) Sure, occasionally, I'll do the insecure-girl thing and wonder if maybe he would rather I was blonder like Christina Aguilera or had more goin' on bust-wise like Scarlett Johansson. But I give that nonsense two seconds, then I shut my stupid inner blather down! Because it's not about that. He's not comparing me to them. He just thinks they're hot. That's it. No psychoanalysis of his attraction to me required.

Furthermore, when did we forget that it's okay for us women to look, too? I had the good fortune to meet with a certain very tall, very handsome, famous Australian TV chef this week, and yes, of course I was looking! He's gorgeous! Don't even try to tell me you wouldn't look, either. Does admiring someone else's good looks, or even indulging in a passing "Teenage Dream" about someone else mean you don't love your S.O. or are more likely to cheat? NO. It just means you're a woman. You're ALIVE. You have a brain and hormones, and someone sexy turned you on. (Oh noes!) Embrace it, lady!

Here's what it boils down to, to quote very wise words from a friend of mine who is about to tie the knot: "It's okay to have an appetite, as long as you eat at home." Can I get an amen, sisters?

Do you mind your guy looking (as long as he doesn't touch)? Do you think that not letting him look would make him more likely to touch?


Image via Conor J. Meagher/Flickr

dating, love, sex, marriage, sex drive


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Kris Gamble

I just want to inform you that articles like this make my boyfriend upset. He doesn't do any of the things that women like you think all men do. Like look at porn or want to go to strip clubs. I don't think it's fair to say that all men do or should do these things. Morals aside, everyone is different.

Kaide... KaidensMama1107

Lmao u mean he TELLS u he doesn't want to do those things? Wake up lady..he's either gay or lying.

SKSmom24 SKSmom24

@KaidensMama1107 there is such a thing as a guy having morals, not all men want to watch porn or go to strip clubs. That doesn't make them liars or gay.I know its human nature to look but if your in a relationship those things can do more harm than good.

nonmember avatar Alla

I agree with Kaiden's mom. Morals don't come into play here.

sweet... sweetashyb

When DH and I got married, there were quite a few older couples from our church in attendance..most of them had been married 50+ years. One of the big things that all of the ladies told me was "you only need to start worrying about him cheating when he stops looking at other women". They weren't referring to watching porn or going to strip clubs...just the general glancing and looking at other women as they walk past type-thing. Honestly, I don't really care...but according to friends I'm one of the rare women who doesn't care about porn or strip clubs either (and no, my DH doesn't watch or go...but it wouldn't bother me if he wanted to every once in a while).

Steph... StephenieBryant

This is all BS. Humans were not meant to be monogamous?? Riiight... Men are not ALL about sex. You make them sound like animals who can't control themselves. Good men don't need to look at other women when he's in a comitted relationship, because that's wrong. Where are YOUR morals??

ajbro... ajbrownies

I don't flip if I see my hubby notice another woman, I point out so he knows I notice, but he teases me about my hottie personal trainer as well. However my husband does not look at porn nor would I approve of that or strip clubs. There is a difference between noticing a good looking person and getting your jollies off a half-dressed hussie.

miche... micheledo

I agree with the first poster.  Not ALL men are like that.  I have never told my husband not to look - haven't needed to.  I don't worry about it and don't think about it.  He just doesn't.  AND I don't look either.  And I don't understand the need for a woman to look at other men. 

But whatever.  That is my husband and I and we obviously don't fit the 'typical' mold.

Dakota Brizendine

I have NEVER met an honest man with a healthy sexuality who doesn't look at other women or porn, I have met PLENTY of men who tell me they wouldn't tell their wives or gf's about it because they disapprove. I don't care if hubby looks we have a very honest and communicative relationship. I will tease him or give him shit if he is obvious about it. I am a very jealous person but after years in a healthy relationship and having open talks with many men and seasoned couples; all men look and there is nothing wrong with that, you just have to be honest with each other and give them their space, and they won't wander.

Beths... Bethsunshine

on Apr 22, 2011 at 9:31 PM

Lmao u mean he TELLS u he doesn't want to do those things? Wake up lady..he's either gay or lying.

I'm so sorry that your husband isn't happy enough with you that he feels the need to look at strippers or porn. However, there are those of us who actually have a thing called "TRUST" in our relationship where we have no problem believing that our husbands are not lying or gay and that they are not looking at other women as meaningless sex objects. Some of us actually work at keeping our husband's satisfied and have full confidence in our relationship. And yes MY husband has told me that he has no need to look at porn or strippers because he is happy with me, and yes I believe him, and no that doesn't make me naive, it makes me a trusting, secure wife, something that you obviously know nothing about.  Not all men are slobbering hound dogs, and it's ridiculous to assume that EVERY MAN wants to look at strippers otherwise he is going to cheat.

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