How to Help Your Guy Through His Fear of Oral


MusselsI’ve never met a man who doesn’t like a blow job. It’s a given that a guy wants his partner to get down there and pleasure him with their mouth. And most women that I know are happy to do so, even get off on it.

But what about the other way around? What about the same men orally pleasuring their women? I wasn't sure if most men did cunnilingus, or whatever you want to call it. But my informal poll results revealed that many men do not go down on their women.

And it seems like the reasons men don't aren't because the women don’t want them to. Men who aren't cunnilinguists don’t do it for a variety of reasons. And here are a few of them:

Selfish: These are the men who think that sex is all about them. And that it’s a woman’s duty to fellate. And what goes around doesn’t come around. Unfortunately, this is the biggest category of those who don't. They don't do it simply because they don't think it's important to satisfy their women.

These men just have not been schooled in the art of oral and need you to tell them, teach them, and even show them how, perhaps using a green-lipped mussel as a prop. (See banana for fellatio practice.)

Kolpophobia is the fear of genitals, particularly female ones. There is also another condition called vagina dentata, which translates to toothed vagina. I’d be afraid of that too. The unknown can be scary and these men need to be given a forum to voice their fears. Have them watch the scene in The Kids Are All Right where Julianne Moore's character goes under the covers and down on her partner, played by Annette Bening. See, nothing bad happened. Nobody lost a tongue or got their eye poked out.

I remember my first time receiving. And I was a little afraid. But once I got over that fear, whew, I wanted to feel like that again and again and again. And over 20 years later, it's still an important, and highly pleasurable, part of my sexual relationship with my husband. But we've gotten to where we are by being open about what we like in bed and learning what the other can do differently to make it better.

If you want more oral in your relationship, you have to speak up. Talking about your needs with your partner will make you closer and make your relationship, and your sex life, that much more fulfilling. Good cunnilingus can change your outlook on life and put a little pep in your step. And who doesn't need more of that?

Do you need more oral in your life?


Image via TheDeliciousLife/Flickr

sex, sexuality, turn-ons


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nonmember avatar Thaddeus

Can't get my wife to let me perform oral sex on her and she want do the same for me it has happen before not much, since she cheated about 3 years ago.

Traum... TraumaRadio

My husband is very enthusiastic about it. So enthusiastic that he gets straight to the main event instead of beating around the bush for a while like I'd like. It's certainly effective, but would be much more fun if he could restrain himself from diving right in.

nonmember avatar Mike M

As a guy my thoughts are that all women are absolutely gorgeous (inside and out), and as such I would just love to perform oral sex on a woman. (And more importantly, I wish that all women would feel comfortable with the way their body is as to me there's *nothing* that *any* woman should be ashamed of - every inch is perfect. Every woman should be comfortable asking for what she wants.) (I haven't done so yet as I've never been in a relationship [I'm quite shy.])

Joyce Stafford

Wow, sorry I'm still hung up your comment; 'And most women that I know are happy to do so, even get off on it. Ah WRONG - I only due it because I expect it in return, so I have to be willing to but in the effort myself. Doesn't mean I'm enjoying it . However, sense I refuse to let him enter until after I've 'gotten off' from his tongue first (because like most women I tend to 'get off' from the oral and not as well from the actual act of sex). It's a fair trade off I get mine, then he gets his - if he got his first then I wouldn't get mine at all...

LordB... LordBoris

Sorry to hear your informal group of guys don't like it. I know many guys that actually prefer to give rather than to receive. I myself am one.

Megankae Megankae

My husband always wants to. I HATE it, it grosses me out beyond allll reason. I hate giving, and I hate it even more to get it. I don't know what it is. I never liked it. And I know its not just my husband, I hate it all. I don't really get why anyone would. 

Shanin22 Shanin22

I thinks it's times like these that we need to remember that everyone is different and enjoys different things sexually. Joyce some women do like giving... I've usually been told it's because the act forces them to be submissive which can be a turn on to many women. And Magenkae, it's totally okay that you don't like it. But some women enjoy it more then sex.... once they or their partner get over the initial hesitation. Not saying you may ever enjoy it (just not be your thing) but some women love it.

I think the frustrating thing here is that the act can be very enjoyable for a woman (and gratifying for a man to pleasure his woman so much). But it isn't represented as much in media which makes it more taboo in society. And many people (both men and women) view it as a dark damp hairy place and are hesitant to explore something so perfectly healthy and normal that they might both enjoy.

cmari... cmarie452

I'm gay so....

Tinke... Tinker_Jo

That photo made me lol.

RanaA... RanaAurora

I so cannot get over your choice of photo for this, LMAO.

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