I watched the William & Kate Lifetime movie last night. I sat down in front of the TV with some delicious homemade lasagna and settled in for two hours of the history of the Prince and the Commoner's love story. I had low expectations, but somehow it managed to be even more dreadful for which I was prepared. All the lasagna and Sauvignon Blanc in the world could not have made up for the ghastly acting, the low-budget sets, and the horrid interpretation of a real-life relationship.
HOWEVER. It was amazing. I'm sure the entire movie was conceived, written, filmed, and edited in a matter of days, and it showed, but we can all look past that and see the movie for what it really is: a horrendously awkward look at Prince William and Kate Middleton that will make you laugh, over-eat, and get pissed at your parents for not sending you to St. Andrews.
First there was Kate, played by Camille from NYC Prep. Weren't you surprised to see her again on the small screen? I sure was. I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, it wasn't Camille? Weird. She looked just like her. Great, all that googling of NYC Prep stars and for what.
So Kate was played by some lovely British actress who clearly has about as much depth as a kiddie pool and as many acting chops as Paris Hilton. But she resembled Kate enough, and she wasn't hard to watch, just a bit uncomfortable. The movie starts ... I'm going to stop right there. "Movie" seems like such an overstatement. "High school play my dad could've recorded" sounds better. OK. So the high school play my dad could've recorded chronicles Will and Kate's life at St. Andrews, their post-college years, and the ends with the engagement.
Some notes. First of all, they butchered the see-through dress that Kate wore in the fashion show. It was transparent, but there wasn't any turquoise. Boo! I wanted to see someone in that dress walk down a runway. During the college years we see them meet, try to cook, fall in lust, fall in love, meet each other's family's, make out for the first time in public on a ski slope, and graduate. It was all about as heartfelt as my love for a goldfish.
In the post-college years, we see Kate start to dislike all the attention, we see Will break up with her, we see Kate work at Jigsaw and party it up with friends, we see Will realize he's made a mistake and poof, they're back together.
A few issues with the high school play my dad could've filmed. First, they cast an embarrassingly unattractive teen to play Prince Harry. Harry is hot. Way hotter than Will. Lady Justice weeps over that mistake. Secondly, I would've liked to have seen Will's hairline descend over time, but they chose to ignore that. Third, the African sunset they used for the backdrop of the proposal was the exact pull-down screen that I chose to sit in front of for my fifth grade picture. You had the choice between blue clouds, neon zig zags on a black background, or a sunset. It was a shame that for the climax of the movie (no, there was no denouement) they couldn't have spent a little dough and actually filmed in front of a sunset. At one point I think I saw Will's shadow move across the landscaped screen.
If William & Kate is rerun, do yourself a favor and stick your head in the oven instead. Or else get good and sloshed before watching so that the time goes a little faster. We have only 10 days until the Royal Wedding ... I hope there are 10 more movies about Will and Kate that I can watch before then. I need to make up for last night somehow.
Did you watch it?
Photo via mylifetime.com