Sitting in traffic sucks, but it’s the ultimate observation capsule for people-watching. Might as well scrutinize while you’re stuck between a ditzy chick in a monster SUV and a tourist trying to snap pictures of the White House from the driver’s seat.
It’s where I spied a young couple out on a date. He cracked a wry joke, she giggled daintily, and they held hands as they strolled up a block in the heart of downtown D.C. How in-the-honeymoon period adorable are they? I thought. But when Cute Couple paused to enter a restaurant, my foot almost slipped off the brake: he all but broke his neck to get in ahead of her and let the door slam—I mean, physically slonk her—on her shoulder.
I sent her a telepathic message to turn tail, hail a cab, and end that date immediately. But she didn’t. She grimaced and limped in after him. And that’s one of the reasons why chivalry is dying a slow, brutal death.
I’m not shy about telling y’all that I passionately believe manners are the glue of society, the thin line that keeps us all from going ape you-know-what on each other in social settings and public arenas. Not that that line isn’t fraying. If you’ve stood in line at Walmart for any length of time or taken a ride on public transportation, it’s like being on the frontlines of how dismally bad manners have really gotten.
For some reason — I don’t know if it’s global warming or residuals from the Bush administration or the pull of the moon or what it is — but people have absolutely abandoned good, sound, traditional act-rightness. And that lack of decorum has bungled the dating scene. Like it wasn’t already like walking through a dog park with no clean-up laws in the first place.
I’m as hip and trendy as the next fun-loving gal, but I’m super old-school when it comes to the application of manners. Feminist agenda be darned: I believe that men should walk on the side closest to the street when we’re out on the town, that they should pull out women’s chairs when we sit down at tables, and — for the love of all that’s even remotely cool — that they shouldn’t let the doggone door crush any part of our persons as they scurry in to slosh back their weight in nachos and beer at a local eatery.
I believe being a gentleman is still one of the sexiest qualities a guy can possess and because I don’t see it as often as I’d like, it makes the trait all the more valuable when I do.
Watching that girl go into her hell date made me want to scream like a scary movie fan watching a character about to get gutted in a slasher flick. But it’s typical of ladies in this day and age to let that kind of madness slide. I guess the pool of eligible, compatible, marry-able guys has been slimmed so close to depletion that we’ve learned how to settle for not having the little niceties like being respected and even a little revered.
I mean, even if we’re not vying for a reception of royal proportions, the least us gals can demand is to be given the greenlight to go through a doorway first. But if we don’t insist on that kind of treatment, it’s not just going to magically manifest. We have to set the expectation early on that that’s how we want to be treated.
My boyfriend’s gentlemanliness is one of the things I adore about him and his cute self. In fact, it’s something that all of the few guys I’ve dated had in common (I’m more of a commitment girl, so I’ve only been on a handful of outings that would qualify as a casual date). And if I did so happen to be out with a dude who apparently didn’t know better, I’d stop at the restaurant door and wait. And wait. And wait some more until he got the drift. Same thing at the table pausing for a chair to be pulled out. Same thing at the car door.
In a way, it’s like doing my part to remind guys — or teach them if they never knew it in the first place (shame on their mamas, by the way) — that some women expect a higher standard of treatment. It’s not being bourgie or bitchy or snotty or snobby. It’s called being a lady.
Do you think chivalry is dead? Are you mourning the loss or does the lack of manners not bother you that much?
Image via L-plate big cheese/Flickr
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Comments 36
I think it is dying a slow death sadly. I have been teaching my son to open doors for ladies and he is on a ladies first kick right now, even letting me go down the stairs first where it used to be a race to the finish. I am not from the south, but I would love to have a southern type gentleman for a son. I like to think there's is going to be a lady who thanks me one day for how well (I hope) behaved, and gentlemanly he is.
It is sadly dying. And this is not a feminist issue! Yes, I am all for equality and not just for men and women but there is a reason a man has a penis and a woman has a vagina - we ARE NOT THE SAME! For every chivalrous deed a man does, a woman does something sweet & womanly that men love us for.
It is a sad death indeed... Luckily, my husband would have shoved me out of the way in order to make it to the door to OPEN it for me. :-) Our boys are young, but already know that they should try and get the door for others... and it is usually so sweet to see them try!
Manners are important and my kids will have them... even if the rest of their peers do not. I will also remind my daughter that she deserves NOTHING less than a gentleman when she's older.
Yeah, its dying. And it is depressing. My brothers were taught to hold open doors. My brothers even do it for ME (probably out of habbit) even if it is as simple as reaching over my head, opening the door, and I duck under their arm (this is mostly directed to my freakishly tall little brother). But the point is, they do it for their sister, and it makes me proud to know that I know they do it for everyone else without being told or asked to.
And I don't mind opening a door for myself, but to have it be slammed on me is another story...
I've talked to some of the men in my life about this, and I've gotta tell you, it IS the "Feminist Thing". Three of the guys I've talked to are my brothers and my father - all are considerably older than I am. And each one of them has had, at least once, a woman YELL at them for holding open the door for her, "Do you think I'm weak? Do you think you're stronger than I am?? I can hold my own damn door, thank you very much!!"
And no, it was not one of their wives during a fight.
Feminism, as much as we'd like to ignore it, has it's downside. Women are now expected to hold their own doors, pay their own way on dates, and do other things that were once "chivalrous" and "mannered" things that men did for us while out on the town. So it's the Feminists (and not Bush - seriously, you just can't help yourself, can you?) who have done a great disservice to Chivalry. And it's the Feminists who are going to have to put to rights the damage that's been done.
Yes chivalry is dead and the feminists killed it!! It burns my butt when I hear women screaming about equal rights and how they can do anything a man can do, yet complain when a man won't open the door for them when they are 9 months pregnant, juggling a bag of groceries and 2 toddlers. You can't have it both ways!!! I teach my boys the dead art of chivalry, and let me tell you, my youngest son will stand in the rain or the snow, to open my car door for me!! I always make sure to tell him "Thank you!! You are such a gentleman!!" instead of screaming at him that I can do it myself!!
I actually think that manners in general are sadly going the way of the dinosaur. If I'm out with my husband, he holds the door for me. But if I'm out and encounter a man with arms full of groceries or whatever, I'm going to hold the door for him. That's just common courtesy. It's rude, whether you are a woman or a man, to let a door slam on another person. I think it's a sad thing that etiquette in general is becoming so obsolete.
Everyone should have manners. I watched a young punk kid let a door slam on a gentleman in a walker this wekend!! I ran up to the guy and opened the door, and helped him through, and he is shuffling there mumbling about rascals and I went up to the kid and told him I don't care who he is, or where he came from, you hold doors for your elders. I think I got a little heated, because everyone stopped in the deli and watched. The boy grew red, and looked incredibly embarrassed. Good. At least he was receptive to the lecture. Whether or not he went out and started opening doors I'll never know. But it was really upsetting to see this.
I agree. I'm lucky enough that SO holds the door, and will even open the car door for me. If my hands are full he always asks if he can help. Sometimes I say 'no' because I can handle it but it's nice that he always asks and is willing to help.