Don't ever be a doormat with a man or he will walk all over you. It's a rule we ladies know too well. The women who spend all of their time being nice to a man are almost always the same women who have no man in the end because he leaves them for someone with a backbone.
This idea was touted by author Sherry Argov, first in Why Men Love Bitches, her controversial bestseller, and now in her new book, Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman’s Guide to Getting and Keeping Her Man’s Heart. She told the Daily Mail:
Bending over backwards does not bring you the love and attention you crave, but having your own life, your own goals, and a backbone will. Men secretly respect a woman who is strong, has confidence, and has dreams of her own. There’s nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is. He marries the woman who won’t lay down on the floor.
Argov has (and will) receive flak for her controversial opinions, but she is right.
Anecdotally, I have learned this in my own life, dating men who treated the women before me like dirt and treated me very well. When people asked me what I did differently than the girl before me, I couldn't explain it. But now I kind of get it. I was a "bitch." OK, we can (and should) call it another word -- diva, princess, high-maintenance, etc. -- but the point is I always knew what I wanted, how I expected to be treated and demanded it.
I learned this, of course, by not being treated well early because I was (gasp!) too dang nice before. I was always available, always willing to do anything for a guy. (Want me to drive your books all the way across town to give to a professor? OK!)
The people I know in the happiest marriages are the ones who demand the most FAIRLY from their spouses. That doesn't mean be an uncompromising hag on every detail, but have a backbone, have your own life, and say no to things sometimes. See where it gets you.
Now, of course, for some of us, it's easier than for others since this behavior comes naturally. But all women would do well to get a shot of confidence and entitlement. We are treated the way we feel we deserve to be treated. You can call that being a "diva," but I call it demanding from life exactly what you want. It doesn't mean never being nice. It doesn't make you a "bitch," either, though books like this will clearly tell you otherwise.
I am very loving and affectionate with my husband. We know each other very well, so he gets when I say I'm going to Israel for 10 days or on a weekend yoga retreat that he is on kid duty and is happy to be there, and I get when he has a fantasy baseball draft or basketball that he is going to be out for the day.
The point is that you are BOTH divas. In too many relationships, the woman does everything nice and the man walks all over her. The women complain, but they rarely see they can change it. Well, here's the answer. He will treat you exactly the way you treat yourself.
Are you a 'diva' in your relationship?
Image via Joelk75/Flickr