Attention 'Nice' Guys: Read This to Win All Women!

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Nice guys very rarely get the girl. Sorry, dudes, but it's true. We women love the chase and most of us don't need a study to tell us that. We already know!

My husband and I always joke that if he had been himself -- "The Nice Guy" -- when we first met, I never would have liked him. At the time, he was going through a "bad boy" phase by trying to date more than one woman at a time and he hooked me by not caring. I used to sit and wait by the phone for him to call (not my proudest moment) and, of course, he rarely did, which made it even more precious.

Eventually, he revealed the truth and by that point I was already so deeply in love, it didn't matter that he was a super nice guy. Of course, I'm not alone. Women want the guys who keep them uncertain, who don't come right out say, "I want you." So what is a nice guy to do? Here are some tips:

  • Say you will call Tuesday: If you tell a woman you will call Tuesday, don't. Call Wednesday at the earliest. If she asks, say you forgot.
  • Let her catch you in bed with another: If this happens, tell her she was just a friend you got drunk with the night before and nothing happened. She may storm off, but she will soon come back groveling and perhaps even apologizing to you.
  • Have a girlfriend: The best way to seem uninterested is to have someone who loves you on the side. This way you don't even really care if she likes you or not. You have girlfriend anyway!
  • If she texts, don't text back: Only respond to about half of her texts.
  • Break up with her: Dump her at least once in your "relationship" so you can "explore." Then come back.
  • Take her ring shopping: Bring her out to look at diamond engagement rings and then tell her you're in no way ready for that. Also you have no money to buy one anyway.
  • Get a vasectomy: This is a surefire way to tell a woman you don't want kids. This will have her panting at your door. Imagine if SHE is the woman you reverse your vasectomy for! That would make her So.Darn.Special.
  • Poop at her house: There is nothing that says, "I like you like a friend only" than going number two while you're at her house. You would wait until you got home for any girl you really liked.
  • Read Tucker Max: No one does soulless cretin better than Tucker Max. Channel him and you will be sure to show her you have NO interest in her bod.

If these tips don't successfully make her fall in love, well then go back and do them all over again! Seriously, guys, this is ridiculous. Ladies, too. Why are we all acting so dang pathetic? Here's an idea: Let's be ourselves. That is the best tip of all. How about we like each other for our real selves and not some act designed to woo each other?

For the love of all things holy, let's be real here! For those guys chasing after the perfect woman: You're welcome. Go forth and be happy.

Did you play games with your man?

 

Image via palebear/Flickr

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nonmember avatar wow

Wow. I seriously hope this entire article was sarcasm. If so, you need to make it more obvious so that men don't skim it and take it word for word. In that case I appreciate your sense of humour, but it's easy to miss out on the sarcasm.
If this is seriously what you believe, maybe you should change the title to "Win More Women" instead of ALL women. Making such sweeping generalizations isn't exactly good writing. Can you really speak for ALL women?

Amyin... AmyinMotown

I was screaming at this until the last paragraph :-). I fell in love with my husband specifically because he WAS a nice guy. I'd been through quite a few complicated, emotionally stunted Bad Boys and while they are fun, by the time I met him I was so ready for someone who actually did what he freakin said he'd do and wasn't playing games or harboring some dark secret. Drama is entertaining, but gets really really old.


However, I have a guy friend who is chronically single and famous for pushing really too hard when he likes someone, and he says that he does that because he does't like to play games. There's "playing games" and then there's "calling her and then calling and emailing five more times if she doesn't return your call immediately." Emotionally needy is not attractive on anyone, men or women!

Katriena Young

You really had be going till I read the end. I've had so many of these things happen to me that its not funny.

nonmember avatar Jack

Funny article. The problem is that some of these tips are very effective on a lot of (insecure) women.

nonmember avatar Bob

Wow, I am glad I read the whole thing. I am a good guy but have actually been told that I was TOO nice. Can that really be?? I mean, I'm not a pushover or a girly man, but I was taught old school; be nice and have manners. It kills me to see a man walk through a doorway before his date/wife. I'm not a bad boy or a good guy; I am a respectful MAN and I will find that woman one day that will appreciate me for just who I am.

nonmember avatar Jim

We all have heard that women are attracted bad boys because they seem confident, and confidence is apparently attractive, but I think that's being too kind. Women are (generally) more attracted to good looks, ego, and bravado, which explains the bad boy thing... not real, true confidence -- the kind that tends to manifest itself in humility. This probably sounds like sour grapes, but I stand by that theory. The sarcasm of the article was appreciated, but like all humor there is an element of truth to it.

nonmember avatar JG

There's so much shit in here that I can't even begin to comprehend it

Mohammad Arafat Rahman

A nice guy will probably not follow these instructions... At least I won't because even if I manage to get a woman tempted to me (mind it, I didn't say "love me"), I shall lose my respect for her...

Mary Branum Erickson

Seriously - you need to be more clear that this entire article was sarcasm before some idiot thinks he's getting advice. In fact, you should probably just quit writing altogether and go get a job flipping burgers before you damage people.

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