Old People! Stop Spreading STDs Already!

Lindsay Mannering
7

old coupleThankfully my parents are still together or else this news would really freak me out. According to government statistics, there has been a dramatic rise in sexually transmitted infections and sexually transmitted diseases among men and women in their 40s and 50s. Apparently someone gets divorced and suddenly someone thinks they're impervious to STDs because someone believes they're too old to practice safe sex since someone is too dried up to conceive.

Old people think the darnedest things sometimes. According to me, these graying sexually active loosey-gooseys need a time-out, but according to the government, they need classes on sexual health. Uhbarf.

Is that what the conference room in retirement communities are used for? This is getting a little out of hand here. What's worse is that there's an official term for these aging libertine lovers: Generation Grey Sex.

Well if that's not enough to make someone who's salt-and-pepper dye their hair, I don't know what will. Couples who have admitted to jumping into the sack after the first date explain it's because they feel so comfortable with themselves and their ability to make the right decision with the right person that waiting just doesn't make sense.

You know what also doesn't make any sense? A grandpa with genital warts. Wrap it up, Pop Pop. I hope we can teach some old dogs new tricks about practicing safe sex because the last thing our Medicare system needs is a line out the door for gonorrhea meds and topical steroids.

If your parents are in this, in this Generation Grey Sex, and are acting all willy nilly in their newfound love lives, please, PLEASE sit them down and have a talk about the birds and the bees. "You see, Mum, when a cute little bird meets a handsome bee and they make pollen together, that little bird has essentially just pollinated with all the other birds that the bee has buzzed with before, and now the bird's privates are itchy. So cut it out."

What do you think of Generation Grey Sex?


Photo via Chi Tranter/Flickr

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