Tiger Woods has done it again. No, he didn't win a golf tournament -- he's managed to find himself another lady friend. Reports say that Tiger and Alyse Johnston have been dating for a few months now, and enjoy spending leisure time on his yacht. What.the.fudge. Someone is dumb enough to date the infamous Tiger Woods. I did not think that was possible.
Then I started learning about this so-called girlfriend and it all started to come together. I mean, her mugshot speaks for itself. I think she could be the one for Tiger. He's had it with pretending he's some high-class golfer who needs a high-class lady (love you, Elin) and he's just following his penis. Heart! He's following his heart. The facts all add up.
Her name is Alyse Lahti Johnston and she's 22 years old. The perfect age for this man-child who likes to play with toys. Really, really expensive toys, but toys nonetheless. Someone 13 years younger than him is the way to go. They can grow up together.
She knows how to party. Arrested in 2009 for a DUI, Alyse isn't afraid of a boozy night out. Tiger loves his ladies fast and loose, so she fits the mold. She's also blond and kind of skanky-looking, two other of his apparent preferences. Her mugshot looks like the "before" photo of an acne commercial.
She's in the know. Her father, Jeff Lahti, is a former pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, and her stepfather, Alistair Johnston, is a powerful executive at IMG, the sports agency that represents Tiger. Alyse is a natural-born athlete and has probably gleaned some of the sports business side from her stepdad too, making her able to hold her own in convos with Tiger about golfer's wrist and contract negotiations.
Alyse loves golf. She's in Windermere, Florida, where her parents and Tiger both own homes, studying at a University of Ohio satellite campus and trying to improve her handicap enough to tour with the LPGA.
I'm sure the classy pair could talk or not talk for hours. Play golf or not play golf for hours. Sleep with others or not sleep with others for hours. Match made or not made in heaven.
Would you ever date Tiger Woods?
Photo via thefrisky.com