Who's the better parent -- stay-at-home moms or working moms? That is the eternal question at the heart of the legendary Mommy Wars, a question that will be debated in Internet catfights 'til the end of time only to never be fully answered because, let's face it, there IS no answer, okay?
You know it, I know it, the media knows it. But none of that matters. We can't resist jumping into the scuffle because it's just so damn FUN! It stimulates our brain and gives us a reason for being besides laundry or scheduling the boss's trip. But it can also be draining and counterproductive and leave us all feeling inadequate about the hard choices we've made.
So I say, let's quit accusing each other of ruining our kids (they are all going to be fine!) and redirect some of that ill-intended passion for where we can all actually put it to good use, no matter which side of the parenting line we fall on -- SEX! It's the key to a happy marriage and fulfilled life, after all, not to mention the reason we got ourselves into this whole parenting mess in the first place.
So who has better sex, stay-at-home-moms or working moms? We lined up the pros for each one. Read each list and judge for yourself. Then tell us -- very detailed personal anecdotes encouraged. Okay so there's probably no answer for this one either, but it's a heck of a lot more fun to debate than separation anxiety, isn't it?
Here, our 50 reasons stay-at-home moms have better sex:
- Jane has the best sex tips!: SAHMs feel closer to female friends and less judged by other moms. Women say having that source of sharing outside of marriage is a key component to keeping the partnership itself hot, according to Redbook.
- Hearts a pounding: Between gym time, stroller aerobics, and the social aspect of long walks with the jogger, SAHMs get more exercise than many working moms. Exercise makes for better sex.
- Guilt? Not so much: All moms feel guilty, but according to a Redbook survey, SAHMs feel it slightly less than working moms, which means stay-at-home moms have less to overcome between the sheets.
- Your spouse is your bestie: 58 percent of SAHMs said their spouse is their main source of support, and you want to please the person you are closest to.
- Let playtime begin!: SAHMs spend plenty of time with their kids, so they're not feeling as torn as the 7 percent of moms who say they would rather play with their kids than have sex.
- Private porn time: SAHMs, while very busy, have time and privacy enough (during naptime) to watch porn, fantasize, or masturbate.
- Sexting!: A park bench is a lot more conducive to sending racy texts than a meeting in the conference room with the board of directors.
- Juggling balls: As stressful as stay-at-home motherhood can be, juggling a full-time career and motherhood is worse. Having less balls in the air during the day means a desire to juggle more balls in the bedroom at night (wink, wink).
- Tight & stacked: SAHMs have more time and motivation for exercise and activity, according to New York Magazine. One SAHM went so far as to say the only difference between her not sitting in an office all day was the “bigger ass” she used to have -- a confidence boost that leads to better sex.
- 15 more minutes of sleep: All moms are tired, but moms who work outside the home often rise at 5 a.m. just to squeeze it all in. Moms who stay home reported getting just a touch more sleep and were more rested for sex at night.
- Frankie says relax!: SAHMs report feeling less pressure to live up to a perfect mom standard than working moms do, which is why it's easier for them to relax and enjoy sex.
- No competition: No evil boss, mean co-workers, or competition for promotion, SAHMs can focus solely on their home life, and sex is a big part of that.
- Men are MEN: Many men still struggle with a woman bringing home the bacon. In marriages where women who are content letting their mates drive the income, the husband will likely derive some pleasure – and a higher libido – from his ability to “provide.”
- Keepin' it real: Even among dual-earning couples, women still do about two-thirds of the housework. One less thing to fight about and damage the intimacy between you and your partner.
- Boredom buster: What's a better way to combat boredom than to fantasize about sex -- and it helps to zone out the Wiggles.
- OMG a grownup!: SAHMs spend a whole lot of time with the pin-sized set, so when the hubby gets home, adult time can be pretty appealing.
- Dirty is good!: You haven't had time for a shower anyway, so why not get even messier?
- Retire the blow dryer: I never brushed my hair as a SAHM, so my husband could throw me on the bed and rat up my hair all he wanted.
- Babies can't read porn: Bosses can, so SAHMs have one up on working moms when they want to email sexy thoughts or read erotica.
- No commuting!: No need to feel guilty about that late afternoon glass of wine. Hubs will be home soon anyway, and you can greet him without an edge.
- She is "sexified": 29 percent of SAHMs (compared to 14 percent of full-time working moms) said they're very satisfied with their lives.
- Flats have benefits: There's a lot to be said for being able to leave the pumps and constricting suits in the closet. Being relaxed and comfy usually puts a woman more in the mood.
- She wants to BREAK OUT: Date night is much hotter when a mom has been stuck at home all day. While a working mom may just want to crash on the couch, a SAHM is dying to get out.
- Calling the shots is hot: A SAHM who has kids in school likely has a lot to do at home, but what she does and how she does it is up to her alone. That sense of autonomy and no micromanaging boss can lead to kinkier bedroom desires. Go ahead, boss me around a little!
- More spontaneity: Naptime and school schedules get in the way, but unlike the pace and demands of the working world, a SAHM has room for more creativity and spontaneity that she can bring with her to the bedroom.
- Time-management skills come in handy: One SAHM who complained she wasn't getting enough sex made a deal with her husband to get up before the kids. Stay-at-home moms are used to troubleshooting, so when it comes to sex: no problem!
- More Facebook time: SAHMs have more time to get validation from Facebook, which can help you feel vibrant and hot even when the mirror told a story of sleepless nights and frazzled days.
- Absence makes the heart ...: Find the time for a good, long, passionate romp. Many husbands work long hours away from home, and as long as she doesn't resent him for it ... total benefit.
- He's so sexy: OK, so poop is the opposite of sexy, but after seeing a bunch of it all day from the dog, the cat, and the kids, your husband's naked body becomes much more exciting.
- Unlimited vacation time: A stay-at-home mom can, in theory, go on a vacation (even with kids) whenever she wants. This sense of freedom can be invigorating to both mind AND body.
- Get horizontal!: Most stay-at-home moms will do anything to lay down at the end of the day, even if it's on top of someone!
- Kids' TV hotties: The Wiggles are sexy for some moms!
- Stay-at-home dads: Ever read Little Children? What's hotter than a stay-at-home dad? At the very least, he will fuel your fantasies.
- 8:30 p.m. is quittin' time: Sure, it's long hours on little sleep, but generally the job ends at bedtime and allows some veg-out time. Working moms often end up back on the computer or continue to stress about their workday. Not hot.
- Put the heels to use: When I was a stay-at-home mom, I had a collection of 75 pairs of stilettos gathering dust. Sex made me use them!
- At least someone appreciates her: SAHMs notoriously feel under-appreciated, but in the bedroom, their husband is pleased indeed. The ability to actually make someone happy is reason enough to bed down after a day with the kids.
- Punishment is fun: Being naughty in the bedroom earns no time-outs, and you actually earn bonus points for spanking someone.
- Dirty talk: Most SAHMs spend all day watching their language and being sweet and loving. It's awesome to let loose at night.
- Lip service: SAHMs spend all day kissing things to make them better, so at the end of a long day, a tired or stressed hubby might appreciate the same treatment.
- Safety first: SAHMs know how to cut loose and have fun, but they also know how to keep things in line and safe, which is reassuring for men. Not too crazy, after all!
- Sex on the side: SAHMs spend all day telling toddlers to "use (their) words," so one would assume they know how to use theirs in the bedroom, too. This is so true that CNN reports many stay-at-home moms supplement their income as phone sex operators!
- Can you say kinky?: SAHMs know all about reward systems and creative punishments. "Who's been a very naughty boy today, hmmm?"
- Positions galore: Speaking of flexibility, all those mommy and me yoga classes pay off in the bedroom.
- She is pleasure starved: After a full day of tending to others' needs, it's nice to lie down and let her husband tend to her needs in bed.
- No clean-up allowed: Unlike her day job where she spends all her time cleaning up after whirling dervishes, getting messy in bed is a good thing.
- Late day showers: Many SAHMs don't get to shower until their hubby gets home, so it's a great time for him to hop in with her.
- Sex talk: Play-dates are a great time to swap sex secrets with other SAHMs and bring them home to the bedroom.
- From hobby to hubby: Goal-setting is a major part of being a happy SAHM, so if you're training for a marathon or working toward a black belt, that will do wonders for the libido.
- Smile!: SAHMs who feel fulfilled and content want to be with their husbands sexually more often.
- Don't sweat the small stuff: SAHMs are used to gross stains of unknown origin. They don't gross out easily, which makes sex a less uptight affair.
Who do you think has the best sex?
Image via Perfecto Insecto/Flickr