Adam Yarbrough woke up one morning and decided to go for a joy ride. He strapped on his helmet, fired up his bike, and took his hog for a stretch on the wide Indiana roads. The wind in his face, the smell of farmland, the bugs in his teeth -- everything was right in the world.
But Adam, you know, is single. And at 22 years old, he's just looking for a nice girl who has a badge and carries a gun. So you'll imagine his excitement when he was pulled over for speeding by a female cop. "This is my chance!" he thought.
Did I mention that the hog is actually a moped and his penalty was for taking the pathetic thing out on the highway and that by "speeding" I meant he was going a dangerously slow 25-mph? Let's go back.
Adam is not that great a guy. He's kind of a loser, as if the moped part didn't say it all. So when he was pulled over by a female officer, he got a little more loser-ish. And skeevy. And, well, downright illegal.
When the cop approached Lloyd Christmas Adam on his moped, Adam thought he could kill two birds with one stone. He offered up a suggestion: "How about we call it even and I give you $5 and you just get rid of this ticket and let me go?"
Five dollars, Adam? Five dollars. What is this, 1850? You gonna throw in some moonshine and a gold coin, too? Everyone knows that you don't bribe a cop with anything less than $100. Come on.
When that didn't work, Adam tried again:
OK, if you won't take the money, how about I give you a kiss, and, well, I haven't had sex in a while, so how about we do that, and then we can just forget [the] ticket and you just let me go?
ADAM MY MAN you have out done yourself. I love that his offer is about pleasing himself, not pleasing her. So typical. As if the officer would agree, like wow, this poor idiot on a tricycle can't get laid and is dumb enough to ask me to sleep with him and then forget the whole "speeding" and "bribing" thing ever happened.
The officer didn't have it and booked him for the ticket, bribery charges, and disorderly conduct. But Adam shouldn't worry -- I think it's pretty easy to get laid in jail.
Thoughts? Let's hear them.
Photo via Marion County Sheriff Dept