Your parents can’t stand him. Your friends roll their eyes whenever you bring his cursed name into the conversation, and since he canceled your date — again — and didn’t respond to your text, voicemail, or Facebook message, you should probably hate him, too. So why is it so hard to stay mad at your man when his pic pops up in your caller ID or his SUV slithers into your driveway?
Most of us, at least once in our big girl lives, get caught up in one of those seesaw, back-and-forth, will-we-won’t-we? relationships, the kind that has you backsliding back into the 30th effort to “give it one more try” even though the man clearly sucks.
Maybe the sex is phenomenal. Maybe you’re genuinely in love with a genuinely not-right-for-you guy. Maybe the sex is phenomenal (and yes, I do realize that’s been mentioned already). Still, you need to leave the joker alone. Instead of crumpling with mushiness whenever “your song” comes on, crank this playlist to stand your ground against a dude who's not worth your time or your Kleenex.
9. “You Oughta Know,” Alanis Morissette
One stanza of this classic chick anthem could turn a mild-mannered Mormon housewife into a raging whirlwind of estrogen-fueled pissiness. Seriously. For that reason, any sane man would voluntarily head for the hills after hearing you’ve been dabbling with this fiery track.
8. “Bust Your Windows,” Jazmine Sullivan
In the heat of a breakup, we may not always make the most rational, level-headed decisions. Fortunately, this R&B thugstress gave us a tune about doing what the law typically frowns upon, letting us live vicariously through her lyrics without having to take a little trip to central booking.
7. “Take a Bow,” Rihanna
Sometimes men have a little trouble telling the truth. It’s not that they don’t want to, it’s just that their tongues have a hard time wrapping around the appropriate words when it means admitting wrongdoing, shortcomings, or just flat out being an idiot. We applaud Rih Rih’s diplomatic response.
6. “Shake It Off,” Mariah Carey
We all know Mimi has been through her fair share of personal relationship woes, so she’s a kindred spirit in the struggle against wasted time in crappy coupledom. This little ditty dismisses the stress of bad boy behavior with a little wave of the hand and a brushing of the shoulders.
5. “Single Ladies,” Beyonce
Strip away the corny YouTube renditions, that unforgettable choreography, and the three chicks who inspire us to hit the gym just a little harder, and you’ve got what Bey originally intended: an infectious, girly dance tune about a stupid man and his stupid pride. Uh uh oh.
4. “Before He Cheats,” Carrie Underwood
It doesn’t matter if his main offense is letting your anniversary slip his mind for the fifth year in a row. Carrie’s song of scorn satisfies our thirst for revenge with her liberal usage of Louisville Sluggers and freshly slashed tires, and amps us up to cut him off without being slapped with a restraining order.
3. “Enough Cryin’,” Mary J. Blige
Honestly, there are so many MJB songs befitting this type of scenario, it’s kind of like choosing a big ol’ slab of chocolate cake over a few slices of decadent pound cake. Either way, you’re satisfied. In this single, Mary blends a danceable tune with a fierce, fed-up ‘tude, which equals good anti-moping music for us.
2. “Since You Been Gone,” Kelly Clarkson
Sometimes you struggle and plead and hang on to a sputtering relationship and when, despite your best efforts, it finally implodes and crumbles, you have to ask yourself one thing: why didn’t I let that mess go earlier? Kelly’s key word is spelled r-e-l-i-e-v-e-d.
1. “U + Ur Hand,” P!nk
Shout out to the ever-so-blunt pop rocker for capturing in song what so many of us want to say in face-to-face conversation. If you’re feeling real generous, send the new ex a box of tissues and a bottle of baby lotion to drive home the point that life without you — and your goodies — will require new props and a return of his superhuman forearm strength.
Sharing time: what songs have helped you through a bad breakup (or two)?
Image via Lara604/Flickr
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