When my husband and I made the pledge to go 30 days of sex with no breaks, we knew it was called a "challenge" for a reason, but we never guessed just how hard it might be to stick with it. The fact is, when you have been with a person for more than 10 years, you can tend to take the sex for granted.
My husband and I have always had a very good sex life, but we had started to slip in other areas. We were fighting more and laughing less. The best thing about our relationship has always been our ability to make each other roll on the floor laughing. We also have been unique in that neither of us wants to make a move without consulting the other. For years, we have spoken dozens of times throughout the day whether through email or a quick phone call.
But lately things have changed.
My husband is so busy at work, there are days where I kiss him goodbye at 8 a.m. and don't talk to him again until 6:30 p.m. when he walks in the door. The time we're together is spent handing the kids back and forth and arguing over whose turn it is to do what.
This isn't us. We needed a change.
With a few detours in between -- a broken ankle, some skipped nights -- we managed to get through the 30 days and we learned a lot. Probably the most important lesson for us was this: It wasn't sex that was missing.
We've always had a very good sex life. We're very in tune with one another and attracted to one another. We make each other laugh and are open to one another in ways it seems few other couples are. We both allow for each other's quirks and don't judge. These facts have made sex a very comfortable, intimate affair where there is no judgment and a lot of fun. That said, we have also been good at the things I mentioned before -- laughing and closeness -- and those things have been lacking.
The most important part of this little experiment was that it actually has brought us closer to our old selves. Whether it's because we bonded over the humor of trying to have sex when neither of us was in the mood or because inevitably sex led into conversation, it's not clear. What is clear is that we're happier and clearer and more balanced than we have been in months. And I don't attribute that to the sex.
To be honest, the sex became a little tedious. We did it and we tried, but honestly, there are just some nights where I prefer to sleep or cuddle or talk. I am perfectly happy with our four times a week, give or take. I am very satisfied. But we did it despite these reservations, and a lot of times we were just trying to get it over with. It was what came after that was so important.
I'm not sure if a "30 Days of 1-hour Conversations" or a "30 Days of 20 Minutes of Cuddling" or a "30 Days of Holding Hands" challenge would have had the same effect. It may have. What we needed was time together that was completely separate from work or our children. The day the challenge ended, we got a babysitter and went out to dinner, a concert, and then drinks. Four days later, we headed to Europe together for a week.
The result, nearly two months later, is a stronger relationship, a return to former intimacy, and a better base for our children and our family. I would recommend this challenge to anyone and everyone.
Would you try it?
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