Help! My Man Calls Me 'Mama' in Bed!

Andrew Dalton
6

Yes, we are amid that sad stretch between Valentine weekend and the bloom of spring. This is the time that love finds itself in the most danger, when it has little food to stay alive. That's why Ask Dad is here to help keep stomachs full and hearts beating. Tell me what ails you. 

My husband loves to throw around words like "mama" and "daddy" in bed. It's not totally sick, but it freaks me out, either reminding me of my parents (ew) or of our kids (double ew). How do I get him to change his tone? 

I'm sorry ma'am, but when a man's diaper needs changing, if he doesn't say "mama," it kind of kills the illusion, don't you think?

Seriously, I doubt that your man is thinking about his mother, or anyone else's mother (except you, the mother of his children), when he says "mama." This stuff goes way, way back in our culture.

Is everyone who says "baby" a closet pedophile? Hell, without it there would be no pop music. From Chuck Berry to Justin Bieber, "baby" has only gotten bigger.

"Mama" and "daddy" are almost as frequent in the blues, in rock-and-roll, in hip-hop. Think of all the "Big Poppa" and similar talk Biggie Smalls threw around. And who on earth doesn't find him attractive?

So don't blame your husband, blame humanity, Western culture, Sigmund Freud, Hank Williams, and Diddy.

Is there any chance you can just embrace it, dig into it, and say it back so that maybe it will take on a whole new meaning for you? This works surprisingly well with all kinds of words and ideas. But as we say all the time here at Ask Dad, it doesn't matter what's right or wrong, if it bothers you it bothers you and it needs to be fixed somehow.

As you know with your kids, "don't" doesn't work. You need to give him something new to talk about. So start taking the dirty-talking lead. Start calling him "captain" or "sergeant" or "Mick" or "Keith" or "professor," anything at all to take it down a different road. If that doesn't work, you can always focus on the genitals. His manhood can be called "captain" or "professor" too, I'm guessing he'll consider it an honor. Or just use the flat-out filthy-porn terms for everything, I'm sure you know them, and if not I've heard some of them can be found on the Internet. He probably won't be able to resist that either.

You could also try the don't-talk-at-all method. There are all kinds of ways in bed to keep lips busy and occupied, including just putting your hand over his and giving out a "Shhh! The neighbors/kids/gardener/cable guy will hear!" Played right this can be a turn-on instead of a downer.

But if none of that works, you could simply start acting more and more motherly until he gets the point. Wear high-waisted, lightly acid-washed jeans around the house. Wear granny panties to bed. Try to get him to bundle up all the time, even during sex. When he goes down on you, insist that he have a few bites of vegetables too. If he's as fussy as most men can be, he'll want his lady back over his "mama" in a hurry.


Image via Flickr/jbcurio

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