In high school, there was one gift you really wanted on Valentine's Day. Not chocolates, not flowers. You wanted a mix tape. If you got a mix tape, all of your friends gathered at your locker, checking out the selection of tunes scrawled in his messy boy handwriting.
What? You don't remember mix tapes? Sigh. Another part of my childhood gone. Gone along with Laff-A-Lympics, rotary telephones and the Discman.
Okay, so here it is: mix tapes were like playlists. They were the original playlist, the grandfather of the playlist, so to speak. A selection of tunes that make you think of that special someone -- your BFF, a potential boyfriend, your husband of one month, your partner of 10 years.
With Valentines Day around the corner, I was thinking of those mix tapes ... and thought, if mix tapes were still around, and the guy you were all sorts of lovey-dovey with presented you with one, what songs you would NOT want to see?
"Hot & Cold" by Katy Perry: He's telling you something. You may like this song (I do) but any wavering, any waffling is a big warning sign.
"Disco Duck" by Rick Dees: Any sort of animal in the song title just doesn't portray the kind of love you want from your beau. And it has quacking.
"Sussudio" by Phil Collins: Because a) you have not idea what it means and b) it's totally gonna get stuck in your brain ... for days.
"Whenever I Call You Friend" by Kenny Loggins: You don't ever want the guy you're into thinking of you and friend in the same sentence. Ever.
"Ms. Fat Booty" by Mos Def: Even if he likes big butts and he cannot lie (thank you, Sir Mix-A-Lot), you don't want that pointed out to you.
"Father Figure" by George Michael: Maybe he's hinting you have some stuff to work on with your shrink.
"Muscrat Love" by Captin & Tenille: Same basic reason as "Disco Duck," but worse. This one has a rodent.
"On My Own" from the Les Miserable soundtrack: Not only is he breaking up, he's also including show tunes.
"Gold Digger" by Kanye West: Never a good thing to have him think this. Never.
"Ho" by Ludicris: Self-explanatory, people.
What songs did I miss?
Image via Kirstea/Flickr