Penetrating the Missing Condoms Story -- Who Did It?

Lindsay Mannering

condomsIf I had a dollar for every condom stolen in transit from Malaysia to Japan, I'd be one rich lady.

Japanese officials are pissed that over 700,000 condoms didn't make the journey from the factory in Malaysia to the receiving dock Japan, and they're claiming it's an inside job. The crates arrived empty, and the locks had been changed.

Either there are some incredibly horny mermaids in the South China Sea that really wanted to practice safe sex and flopped up on board and stole all the prophylactics they could get their dirty hands on, or we've got a case of who dunnit.

Oh, and these aren't just your average, everyday condoms.

They're super thin, and the first of their kind. The rubber makers say they're 14 percent thinner than the average condom.

Well, my oh my. The missing condoms are reportedly worth $1.5 million at retail ... but what is their worth on the black market?

There are a few ways this could play out. The condoms will show up and the bad guys will be arrested, or we'll see a spike in travel to the South East as word spreads of these incredible jimmy caps that will protect the integrity of the penis, and the integrity of the pleasure. The population will decrease and tourism will boom for eternity. Or until the 700,001th person shows up.

I'm actually hoping that it's mermaids. Ariel needs to get her groove back in a big, and safe, way.

What do you think happened to the missing condoms?

Photo via robertyelov/Flickr

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