30 Days of Sex: The Challenge Gets Tough


When I made the commitment to try the 30-Day Sex Challenge with my husband, I really thought we could do it. After all, compared to most couples married as long as us, we really do have a rocking sex life. Four times a week and a lot of flirtation in between seemed good to me.

But making that leap to the three extra days has been surprisingly difficult. I always thought the reason we weren't having sex every night was that we were simply not making it a priority. Both of us figured when we did, especially for such a finite amount of time, it would be easy.

Wow, were we wrong. It turns out, we were not having sex every night because there truly is no time in the day in which it makes sense.

When our kids were under 3 and both still napping, we were quite smug about our afternoon sex sessions. With both kids asleep for upwards of three hours, there was plenty of time for foreplay, sex, afterglow, and even cuddling/reading together/watching a movie afterwards. Now our older child has given up napping altogether and our younger one only naps sporadically.

Even though we have "quiet time" for the kids, that usually just means both kids need a lot of cuddling and hand holding, especially when their (all knowing, all wise) daddy is home. That doesn't leave a lot of time for nookie. And even when we've managed to get some alone time in, we're interrupted no less than four times. Good thing there is a lock on our door. But getting up and getting dressed and stopping mid-session isn't really conducive to satisfaction.

And that is just the afternoon.

In the evenings, I work three evenings a week, so those are usually out. He also usually brings work home and usually works until the kids are asleep, which these days takes between two and three hours past their 8:30 bedtime. By the time we're done working, it's often 11 p.m. and we're exhausted. We have more or less stuck to the schedule (with two IOUs pushing the schedule out by two days).

The fact is, like many parents of young children in their early 30s who both have careers, our lives are incredibly busy. There are days where there truly is no downtime at all. What little downtime we have, I choose to spend on running, which is crucial to my well being and sanity, and Rob chooses to spend it in the gym or playing basketball. Given that we are maybe talking about an hour a day each (if we're lucky), sex just doesn't fit the schedule.

This month has also seen our daughter's birthday, four major snowstorms, three illnesses, car problems, fly infestations, and some roof leakage. And of course all this was before the biggest snafu of all. Last Thursday night, I broke my ankle running. For two nights, I was completely out of commission sexually speaking. I was in pain, on heavy meds, and very depressed over being unable to move.

And other than the ankle, that is a pretty typical month in our house. When I thought we weren't making time, I was wrong. There simply isn't time. So, yes, we've missed five of the 20 days of sex so far. We're back on track and plan to take it to the 15th to make up for it, but it's pretty disappointing that we couldn't make it happen. I guess all we can do is get back on track and hope we come out of all this with some ideas on how to carve out a regular sex life.

How do you find the time to have sex?


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marriage, sex


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Memigen Memigen

Most of the time? We don't. :(

Armym... Armymom134

Yes it is hard to find the time to have sex, with work and kids the couple times we usually have it during the week is about all we have time for.

Magen Kauffman

Sex every day? Yeah, not gonna happen. We have sex maybe 2-3 times a week, if we're lucky. It's just not feasible with little kids, unless you're getting up in the middle of the night for sex. And frankly, I'd rather sleep!

Sweet... SweetPoison

haha I def. know how that is!

we'd get lucky if it happened 4 days a week..and sometimes we go all night and im exhausted for like 3 days lol

Christy Clark

I have the opposite problem. My hubby has such a high sex drive that it's closer to 20 times a week, and he's 50 and I'm 35, so we aren't teenagers anymore or anything. I love him, but man I am sick of sex. As far as how do we find time? We tell my son that it is our 'talk time' - every day after work we go to our room to have a grownup talk about our days. My son is just used to it and knows not to interrupt us, so he is really great about it...out of habit now, my son cleans his room and finishes homework during that time, then we all have dinner and do family activities until bed. Seriously though, sex at bedtime, then I am woken up by my hubby at night at least once, then he wakes me up an hour before I have to be up. So yeah, I am sick of sex. I know I should not complain about it, and most people would rather have my problem instead of not having sex, but you really do get sick of it when it's all the time. Seriously sick to death of it.

nonmember avatar anon

Christy - maybe you need to tell him and he needs to respect that. It sounds like he has a problem, honestly.

etown... etown2reds

Christy, If you're sick of that much sex you need to tell him. You will start resenting him big time. I settled the waking me at night thing by flat out telling my hubs not to do it ever again because he would get nothing but a cold shoulder. And he wakes you up again before you have to get up? OMG. I'd be so mad. I'd be searching for some herbal treatment to put in his food or something to cool his freaking jets down. Good grief.

dlgbeck dlgbeck

I need a guy like the authors and like Christy's. I wish my guy would cuddle, hold hands, read together, ect and wanted sex 3 times a day.  My guy isn't much of an intimate, touchy-feely kinda person (I only am for a few mins anyway).  But he makes up for his lack of romance and sex drive by being an awesome man and father.  I guess we can't have every trait on our list, I will settle for responsibility and commitment over sex any day.  I do love my sex though.  :)  Now if only I can talk him into taking the challenge.  Don't see it happening. 


My Husband and I are intimate every night, whether it's actual sex or just oral. It's all about making time for each other..and We always do. There's one of Our countless secrets to an INCREDIBLY PERFECT Marriage. Enjoy. ;D

rocke... rockergyrl

My husband and I have sex everyday. We always find time, even for a quickie before bed.....

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