When I made the commitment to try the 30-Day Sex Challenge with my husband, I really thought we could do it. After all, compared to most couples married as long as us, we really do have a rocking sex life. Four times a week and a lot of flirtation in between seemed good to me.
But making that leap to the three extra days has been surprisingly difficult. I always thought the reason we weren't having sex every night was that we were simply not making it a priority. Both of us figured when we did, especially for such a finite amount of time, it would be easy.
Wow, were we wrong. It turns out, we were not having sex every night because there truly is no time in the day in which it makes sense.
When our kids were under 3 and both still napping, we were quite smug about our afternoon sex sessions. With both kids asleep for upwards of three hours, there was plenty of time for foreplay, sex, afterglow, and even cuddling/reading together/watching a movie afterwards. Now our older child has given up napping altogether and our younger one only naps sporadically.
Even though we have "quiet time" for the kids, that usually just means both kids need a lot of cuddling and hand holding, especially when their (all knowing, all wise) daddy is home. That doesn't leave a lot of time for nookie. And even when we've managed to get some alone time in, we're interrupted no less than four times. Good thing there is a lock on our door. But getting up and getting dressed and stopping mid-session isn't really conducive to satisfaction.
And that is just the afternoon.
In the evenings, I work three evenings a week, so those are usually out. He also usually brings work home and usually works until the kids are asleep, which these days takes between two and three hours past their 8:30 bedtime. By the time we're done working, it's often 11 p.m. and we're exhausted. We have more or less stuck to the schedule (with two IOUs pushing the schedule out by two days).
The fact is, like many parents of young children in their early 30s who both have careers, our lives are incredibly busy. There are days where there truly is no downtime at all. What little downtime we have, I choose to spend on running, which is crucial to my well being and sanity, and Rob chooses to spend it in the gym or playing basketball. Given that we are maybe talking about an hour a day each (if we're lucky), sex just doesn't fit the schedule.
This month has also seen our daughter's birthday, four major snowstorms, three illnesses, car problems, fly infestations, and some roof leakage. And of course all this was before the biggest snafu of all. Last Thursday night, I broke my ankle running. For two nights, I was completely out of commission sexually speaking. I was in pain, on heavy meds, and very depressed over being unable to move.
And other than the ankle, that is a pretty typical month in our house. When I thought we weren't making time, I was wrong. There simply isn't time. So, yes, we've missed five of the 20 days of sex so far. We're back on track and plan to take it to the 15th to make up for it, but it's pretty disappointing that we couldn't make it happen. I guess all we can do is get back on track and hope we come out of all this with some ideas on how to carve out a regular sex life.
How do you find the time to have sex?
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