No holiday says “orgasm” to me more than Valentine’s Day. Because what else do you want from the one you love, besides a little kissing and snuggling? Hot and wild sex that leads to multiple orgasms, of course.
And while flowers are nice, they die. Lingerie is fine but you just take it off anyway. And chocolates are yummy but they make you fat (at least if you eat the whole box).
Besides, gifts to your sexy Valentine are given with the ultimate goal of getting them in the sack. Right?
So here are five gifts to help send you and your lover on your way to having a very orgasmic Valentine's Day:
Lover’s Prisoner Kit ($34.95): Contains all the items you need for a little bondage fantasy in your own home, including a collar, leash, and rubber tickler. You just need to supply the willing prisoner.
Love Swing ($86.14): This is not your kid's outdoor swing. It's a fully adjustable sex harness for two. Like having sex in the circus. And don't worry, it promises to be easy to install and comes with a manual to help you figure out how to get into different positions!
Edible Chocolate Anus ($15): If you must give chocolate, give these: A set of three chocolate anuses. Imported from England, these chocolates are shaped like, well, your anus. Or a delicate little flower that just happens to bear a striking resemblance to your anus.
Panty By Post ($105 for a 6-month subscription): A monthly subscription service that sends a pretty pair of French underwear to the special someone you love. The site has many different ordering options: one year, three months, and even special selections for the bride. Better than a Cheese of the Month club. Men's underwear available as well.
Orgasm Key Chain ($4.25): Nothing says "I Love You" more than a key chain that says "I'd Rather Be Having an Orgasm." Just think, every time your special someone locks the door to the house or gets into their car, they'll be thinking of sex and hopefully fantasizing about the next time the two of you are together.
What orgasmic gift do you want for Valentine's Day?